New Job

[therunner]

COMPENSATION
$9.92-$16.13 per hour. May be appointed within range depending on experience and qualifications. At-will positions with no benefits available.

THE POSITION
The City of San Ramon is seeking crossing guards to provide assistance to children and other pedestrians in crossing at busy streets along school routes. The duties of this position also include facilitating traffic flow at busy intersections.

Approximate schedule is 7:30-9:00 a.m. and 2:00-3:30 p.m., Monday-Friday, during the school year. Successful candidates will be flexible to work other schedules as needed. This position may require the incumbent to wear a uniform.

QUALIFICATIONS
You are encouraged to apply if you have the following:

knowledge of basic safety rules, proper street crossing, and traffic-directing procedures;

ability to communicate orally effectively;

ability to establish and maintain effective working relationships with employees and the public;

ability to perform the physical requirements of the job including standing for an extended period of time, walking, lifting, grasping, feeling, talking, hearing, seeing, performing repetitive motions

THE SELECTION PROCESS
The best-qualified applicants, as determined by initial screening of applications, will be invited to participate in an interview process. All employment offers will be contingent upon successful completion of pre-employment physicals and background checks.

City application required. All applications must be mailed or delivered to Human Resources, City of San Ramon, P.O. Box 5148, 2228 Camino Ramon, San Ramon, CA 94583. For application call 24-Hour Job Hotline at (925) 973-2505 or write to jobs@sanramon.ca.gov. This recruitment will remain open until the positions are filled. EOE.

Information contained herein is subject to change without notice.

In accordance with Federal law, the City of San Ramon will only hire individuals who are legally authorized to work in the United States. As a condition of employment, you will be required to present proof of your identity and employment eligibility.

In accordance with the Federal Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), if special accommodations are necessary at any stage of the selection process, please contact Human Resources at (925) 973-2503.

[kken]

you should go for it, live your dreams buddy!

[shadygroovedc]

I don't think Runner's allowed to be that close to children. He IS on "the list", you know.

[moto]

We're all behind you Runner, go DO IT buddy!!!

Listen to your calling in life (& stuff)...

[spinsaikel]

he likes them aged till about 6th grade. After that it's salt n pepper time.

[therunner]

To Whom it May Concern,

I would like to take this opportunity to apply for a Crossing Guard position with the City of San Ramon Public Schools.

I like Crossing Guards and want to become one. I have crossed the street thousands of times, and have never once been struck by a car. In fact, no one who has ever crossed the street with me has been seriously injured. Wait a second, check that. My aunt fell off the curb one time when we were crossing the street and turned her ankle pretty badly. She got really pissed but it wasn't my fault at all. She kept saying, "Why didn't you tell me that the curb was so big." And I was like, "Hey, sorry, Aunt Frieda, but I was under the assumption that someone of your advanced age might look at the curb before they cross the frigging street." Since the chances of having any elderly women in elementary school is very small, I don't believe that this unfortunate incident should be entered into my official application as Crossing Guard.

I was always pretty pissed that I wasn't chosen for the safety patrol in school. I always looked both ways when I crossed the street, and I would never run in front of moving vehicles, especially with scissors. But they picked frigging Teresa McKinney instead and then I had to listen to her order me around all year. But I'd like to put all that behind me, as long as Teresa McKinney doesn't come to my corner when I'm crossing children across the street because I might call her a mother fucker if I see her.

I have never been ordered by a judge to stay away from children and I love wearing fluorescent orange sashes. If I were a Crossing Guard, I would pretend that I was Mayor McCheese from McDonald's and then everyone would love me and want to be my friend. I could pretend that the Hamburglar was running across the street with a sack full of delicious Fish Filets and the only way he could get away would be if I was unable to direct a large group of school age children across the street in an orderly and timely fashion. I would make everyone get in line and sing "Bingo Was His Namo" before I would let them cross the street. I would make them call me "Mayor McCheese" too, and I would chase them all over the place if they wouldn't listen. After they all got in line, we would march across the street like Russian soldiers and no cars could drive on the street until I was done because I would have big sign that said "STOP". I would be like, "Excuse me, Mr. Man, but don't you see my sign" when people started honking at me if our songs and marches across the street took too long.

The story of Mayor McCheese the Crossing Guard would spread throughout the land. Children of all ages would know my name and travel from miles around to see me sing happy songs and trot around in my sash. They would fear me too, because I will reign down with great vengeance upon my enemies, spreading pestilence and plagues. I will shoot fireballs from my eyes and scorch the earth they walk on, all in the name of pedestrian safety.

Do I sound like the type of person you would like directing groups of children across dangerous intersections near your school? I hope so. Please feel free to contact me at your earliest convenience.

Sincerely,
Your Future Crossing Guard
"Therunner"

[moto]

[cookiegirl]

YAAAAA!

[therunner]

Originally posted by cookiegirl


YAAAAA!

I think I would make a good crossing guard.

I am sending San Ramos my resume tomorrow.