yorabbi

Happy birthday Apples. Bless you. Amen. What about you fkornre? When are you going to turn 13 and have your Bar Mitzvah?

I bless both of the prior yunkels.

I am arrived to pour forth blessings on this thread, its content, and all who read it. Shema containanu, albino abbabenu, abbaddabbadubaynu, elohanu, attah rumpusbuttas, Dubya is a doofus, Amayn. I bless the next person who posts after me. If you are a woman, show your bozangas and I will pour forth blessings on them two, too.

Coowal.

Are you so hungry? I am not terriake, I am a rabbi without seasoning.

Oy. If I have to explain it, it suffers in translation. A goyum is anyone not Jewish. A zhlub is an inconsiderate person, and a zets is a blow to the head. A putz is a penis. So is a shmuck. So is a shvantz.

Did I perform your briss drunk too? Oy.

Have you been circumsized? There are good reasons why we cut the foreskin off, dating back to ancient times when young Hebrew shayner maidels gasped at the sight of an uncircumsized shvantz. I'll be happy to cut your foreskin off for a small fee and a nice bottle of wine to relax me before the procedure.

I am a rabbi! Suggest not that I should eat a pork chop like a common goyum heathen. My wife already made shellfish for dinner, she'd think me a zhlub and give me a zetz to ask her to put on a pork chop.

Witout a bar mitzvah you are not yet a man. Unless you go to Clancy's Bar and get a mitzvah from a floozey after a row of vodka shots. Then a man you will be. With a permanant itch upon your putz but at least you'll be man. Excuse me, my wife and I are about to have an early midnight snack. I must first wash my hands and sanitize my penis.

What is the meaning of Shizzznit? It sounds so Yiddish.

Shalom fknorne, what a big boy you've become. Why, I haven't seen you since you were a tiny baby and I performed your Bris. I should not have drank as much as a schlemial, oy-yoy-yoy. I will never forgive myself for circumsizing you drunk. I hope life hasn't been cruel to you with only half a putz. Oy vey, what a terrible ting I done, what a terrible ting. Have you otherwise found a goyum flooze to give you a good shtupping? Or at least half a shtupping?

Oy, the things I would do to her if I wasn't a respectable rabbi. I'd sprinkle her with Manishevits and munch on her gefilte fish and pleasure her with a kosher pickle. Oy!

baruch atah yada yada yada bagels and lox with kippers and onions....amen! hava, nagilla hava, nagilla hava, nagilla hava, nagilla hava....ect. ad lib. Oy, I forgot to go to synagogue tonight! What a terrible rabbi I am! Oy!