I would imagine the only time your girlfriend enjoys being with you is when you are having virtual discussions or virtual sex, or whatever it is you do with her, the very lovely girl you met online. And seriously, it is so disturbing that you resort to playground taunts when you have nothing of substance to say. You are a grown man. Both in age and girth...well, the girth part I'm just assuming...you know, the whole "i met everyone i know online" thing just made me think that.