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how important is trust to YOU in a relationship?

could you go one seeing someone who you are crazy about knowing that they did something to lose your trust even if it isn't cheating. :confused:

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Originally posted by jy

how important is trust to YOU in a relationship?

could you go one seeing someone who you are crazy about knowing that they did something to lose your trust even if it isn't cheating. :confused:

TRUST is something that I have lost in my relationship and am desparately trying to regain. One of the most difficult things I'm going through right now is continuing my relationship with my girlfriend even though I don't trust her. At times I wanted to leave her because I couldn't trust her, but then I feel like I can't go on without her. She says she's doing the right thing, and at certain times I believe it because it really seems like she is, but then the fears and my sickness take over and all of the TRUST is thrown out the window. I always ask myself "What if I let my guard down and trust her only to be hurt again?"

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Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

TRUST is something that I have lost in my relationship and am desparately trying to regain. One of the most difficult things I'm going through right now is continuing my relationship with my girlfriend even though I don't trust her. At times I wanted to leave her because I couldn't trust her, but then I feel like I can't go on without her. She says she's doing the right thing, and at certain times I believe it because it really seems like she is, but then the fears and my sickness take over and all of the TRUST is thrown out the window. I always ask myself "What if I let my guard down and trust her only to be hurt again?"

Lil bit of background bro

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Originally posted by jy

how important is trust to YOU in a relationship?

could you go one seeing someone who you are crazy about knowing that they did something to lose your trust even if it isn't cheating. :confused:

Trust is definatly a big factor in the relationship. Personally if I loose the trust, it means that I stop caring, and if I stop caring it could lead to other unpleasant feelings. So once it's lost, proceed with extreme caution, if one was able to misuse your trust look at the driving factors for one to do so, also a lot depends on what he/she did. Everybody has different views on trust, overjelous people might see a problem in something that normal people wouldn't notice, so there is a lot of different varieties of misusing trust.

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Trust, respect and honesty are extremely important...without that in a relationship, you really dont have a chance of that relationship lasting...each time those 3 elements are takin away...for example when someone lies to you...you start seeing the person differently and the relationship starts going downward. There is a chance you can get it back...but its very very hard to.

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If you dont have trust, you dont have anything! As soon as my ex gave me a reason not to trust her, the relationship went into a downward spiral. No matter how much she tried to assure me that she loved me, I couldnt trust her and I started to question her. It was the beginning of the end, once trust is broken it is extremely difficult to attain again.

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Originally posted by fantazy

Trust is definetely a big factor in the relationship. Personally if I lose the trust, it means that I stop caring, and if I stop caring it could lead to other unpleasant feelings.

Once upon a time, I was a very forgiving person...but all that has changed. Usually I'm able to exit / run away from any situation I'm uncertain of...and then there are those rare instances, like recently, where my heart over rides that gut feeling telling me to haul ass outta there....

There is no such thing as 3 strikes you're out anymore...

Fool me once, shame on you...Fool me twice, shame on me...That's what it's all about. If you gave one good god-damn about my feelings you would never have hurt me in the first place.

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Marci, I understand your perspective, as I spent the last 5 years of my life doing the same. At a certain point, though, you have to learn how to trust again. We're all human, and we all make mistakes. The question should be intent. Did you do what you did IN ORDER TO hurt me, or did it just happen to hurt me BECAUSE OF MY OWN INSECURITIES AND/OR ISSUES?

"To thine own self be true" - but give yourself an opportunity for a happy relationship by not just "nipping it in the bud" as soon as you feel something isn't right. That's usually when it IS right, when you have to work though problems and issues to arrive someplace BETTER together.

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For me, i need to trust the person in so far as his feelings toward me are concerned, I need to trust he "loves" me, cares for me, or whatever.

Honesty is another issue, if he were sleeping around, or even if all of a sudden he felt he no longer had feelings for me and wanted to move on, i want him to be honest with me, fess up and tell me. I don't want to be dragged along into the dark, i HATE that so much. Being honest, that's maturity.

Ahh, but life is not so simple.

immature bastards :blown:

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Originally posted by f0xyminx

if all of a sudden he felt he no longer had feelings for me and wanted to move on, i want him to be honest with me, fess up and tell me. I don't want to be dragged along into the dark, i HATE that so much.

my point exactly, notice how i specifically said it wasn't about cheating

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Originally posted by jy

how important is trust to YOU in a relationship?

could you go one seeing someone who you are crazy about knowing that they did something to lose your trust even if it isn't cheating. :confused:

Trust is the foundation of a relationship with out it... you dont have anything but problems... once the trust is gone... so's the relationship... going going gone!!! bye bye!!!

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Originally posted by dgmodel

Trust is the foundation of a relationship with out it... you dont have anything but problems... once the trust is gone... so's the relationship... going going gone!!! bye bye!!!

so you don't think it's something that can rebuild itself over time?

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unfortunatley not... picture this... you have a vase, a beautiful vase sitting on a end table, you admire it everyday, you polish it, you fill it with flowers from time to time etc... then one day, somebumps the table and it falls... now you have two options 1. throw the pieces away or 2. glue it together... now if you choose glue together, then yes you have your vase back but its just not the same anymore... theres cracks all over it... its lost is beauty, its value, and its function... you can no longer fill it up with water... same concept with relationship yes you can go on, and have the relationship build back up to somethin close but it will never be the same again... there will constantly CONSTANTLY be doubts about the other, and the relationship will reach a stalemate and never move forward...

Its not that im trying to be mean, or that im coming from a jaded perspective its just that ive seen this happen with many relationships, and one of which was my own... but hey what do i know, im just some punk kid... i wish you luck in choice you make!

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but see heres the thing... youre not walking into nothing... youre walking into oppurtunity, and fate is guiding you... "the best thing about losing everything is youre free to do anything.." go for it... obviously the relationship youre in or were in wasnt the right thing if the trust was breached... again who knows.. im just a punk kid... again Good Luck... im sure whatever road you take youll wind up in the right place... :)

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Trust is something that really matters, involving communication btw. the parties, belief that each will live up to their word.

I don't think trust needs to be there from the start, but after some time into the relat., trust does need to develop.

:)

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Originally posted by dgmodel

but see heres the thing... youre not walking into nothing... youre walking into oppurtunity, and fate is guiding you... "the best thing about losing everything is youre free to do anything.." go for it... obviously the relationship youre in or were in wasnt the right thing if the trust was breached... again who knows.. im just a punk kid... again Good Luck... im sure whatever road you take youll wind up in the right place... :)

you're very insightful.

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First off, let me say that I recently went through something kind of similar in a way. I had been saying that any type of physical "indiscretion" would be unacceptable, period - then I found out that a long time ago, something (relatively minor) had indeed happened. I had to seriously reconsider my stance if I really valued the rest of the relationship.

I do agree with DGMODEL on his point above, about moving on and how positive it can be. I would just add that you CAN'T expect people to be perfect and not fuck up. If you are perfect, and never fuck up, then I suppose that's one thing. But guess what? You're not! Neither are any of us, and that's why we're here in the first place. To fuck up and learn from it (hopefully).

I think often, when we talk about "trust", we're talking about our own expectations of other people. "You said you're not going to fuck up, but you did, so I can't trust you anymore."

I'm sure your both are relatively young, and if you really REALLY understand what love is about, or want a meaningful relationship, then you have got to stop kidding yourself.

Since you were told about what happened, you apparently CAN TRUST him to be honest with you (even when it might threaten the relatioship) when he fucks up. That's the only expectation that's fair to have in the first place. We're all works in progress.

In the end, only you can decide whether you can truly grow after such an experience. It all depends on you and where your head is at.

"Love and fear exclude each other." So when you're living in fear that someone could hurt you, you can't really have love with them. That's why you have to let go of the fear and enjoy the love. If shit happens, it shouldn't crush you - it's all a learning experience, and in the end, life goes on one way or the other.

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