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dgmodel

which would you do...

WOULD YOU...  

13 members have voted

  1. 1. WOULD YOU...

    • Keep The Child...
      5
    • Abort or Put It Up For Adoption...
      8


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lets say youre married, on your feet already, financially stable.. blah blah blah... now its time to have a kid... and you do so... 3 months into the pregnancy, you find out your child is going to be handicapped and or mentally retarded... what do you do???

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Originally posted by barslut

Its my child , im gonna love it no matter what.

if you love that much, why wouldnt you put it out of its misery??? (not that i would or wouldnt just want see were ppl stand on this) i think it would be torturous for both parent and child to go through life like that... IMO... cause it will be misery... imagine how horrible it would be if you were handicapped and you went through life like that...

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i dont know for a fact... however i presume, that the child would be, being picked on, being different, not being able to enjoy the things every other child gets to enjoy... and from the parents point of view... i feel that it would be misery having to raise the child... but i dont know... what do i know... im just some punk kid... i can only go by imagination and wild thoughts... i have no clue as to what its like to raise a child, of any mental and physical capacity...

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keep it, because no one could love the child as much as he/she's real parents. Besides it isn't the babies fault if they were born i with a defect or an illness it would be my child nonetheless.

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If you have ever met and had a relationship with somebody handicapped or even mentally retarded - and I dont necessarily mean a romantic relationship - you would not even ask this question. Besides the fact that it is your child and unless you can vividly see the future, you can not and will not know what that child will go through. Most of the handicapped people I have met - both physical and mental - are some of the purest and nicest people I have ever met and they and their parents never peeped a word of regret.

Quality of life is not defined by what you have to overcome but how you live it - believe me, most of them are soaking it all in - most of them more than we are..

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Originally posted by phatman

If you have ever met and had a relationship with somebody handicapped or even mentally retarded - and I dont necessarily mean a romantic relationship - you would not even ask this question. Besides the fact that it is your child and unless you can vividly see the future, you can not and will not know what that child will go through. Most of the handicapped people I have met - both physical and mental - are some of the purest and nicest people I have ever met and they and their parents never peeped a word of regret.

Quality of life is not defined by what you have to overcome but how you live it - believe me, most of them are soaking it all in - most of them more than we are..

great attittude...

as much as i wish i could say i would do the same, i would probably abort. it would kill me to watch my child struggle & not be able to do the things other children were doing.

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I don't know- I think it would depend on how severe of a handicap it was.

I do agree with you a bit, DG, with what you said about putting the baby "out of its misery"- it sounds really cold but it can sometimes be the most humane thing to do. We put our dogs and cats to sleep so they don't suffer, but as human beings we have to watch people who would rather be dead live out what little life they have left in mental/physical agony?

On the other hand, if I were in such a stable position... and I actually was trying to have a baby... I guess I might already love it too much by the time I found out.

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Originally posted by tastyt

We put our dogs and cats to sleep so they don't suffer, but as human beings we have to watch people who would rather be dead live out what little life they have left in mental/physical agony?

not to be picky, picky but i think there is a difference when discussing terminating the life of an unborn versus euthenasia. the similarity is that we are trying to define quality of life in both cases. the difference is in euthenasia we have viewed a human/animal/loved one deteriorate and lose/change its quality of life - in this case, we do not know how the baby will come out and more importantly how it will deal with its handicap. Your baby may never feel unloved, may never feel it's at a disadvantage, may never feel regret for being born...the point is you'll never know until it happens...what you will know is if you decide to terminate, you will never know...if you can live with that, than by all means...pull the trigger...

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Originally posted by phatman

not to be picky, picky but i think there is a difference when discussing terminating the life of an unborn versus euthenasia. the similarity is that we are trying to define quality of life in both cases. the difference is in euthenasia we have viewed a human/animal/loved one deteriorate and lose/change its quality of life - in this case, we do not know how the baby will come out and more importantly how it will deal with its handicap. Your baby may never feel unloved, may never feel it's at a disadvantage, may never feel regret for being born...the point is you'll never know until it happens...what you will know is if you decide to terminate, you will never know...if you can live with that, than by all means...pull the trigger...

I know there is a difference between the two... however if I learned that my child would be so severely handicapped that s/he would never be able to get out of bed unassisted... or would be so severely retarded that s/he would spend an entire lifetime drooling and staring into space... I doubt I would go through with the pregnancy. Not being in the position, I know I can't exactly give a final answer right now. My mother is a nurse who works with premature and sick babies; I've heard all the horror stories and they only help to lead me in that direction.

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My girlfriend is an OT and works with underdeveloped children... she tells me the most horrible stories that one could ever hear. They really freak me out about having a kid, what with the amount of drugs the two of us have done throughout the last decade... anyhoo... she was telling me this terrible story the other day about this family that has a nine year old child that is so severely handicapped that the parents have not been able to go on vacation, have a night alone, even gone to a restaurant the entire time the child has been alive. 9 Years!! They have finally made the decision that they cannot do it anymore. They are mentally and physically exhausted, and they are going to have to put the child in a home... I can't imagine living my life like that...

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Originally posted by tastyt

I know there is a difference between the two... however if I learned that my child would be so severely handicapped that s/he would never be able to get out of bed unassisted... or would be so severely retarded that s/he would spend an entire lifetime drooling and staring into space... I doubt I would go through with the pregnancy. Not being in the position, I know I can't exactly give a final answer right now. My mother is a nurse who works with premature and sick babies; I've heard all the horror stories and they only help to lead me in that direction.

yeah...I dont know if anyone will really know until it goes down...this is a touchy topic for me as I have had friends and in particular a cousin with a handicap...my cousin is so beautiful..she has been on tv and such due to her accomplishments..after knowing people like her and not being able to gauge the severity of the disability, I dont think I could do it...

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Being a man I can only support my wife in such decisions.

But if things were different and I were having a child.

Id probably go with an abortion.

The world doesnt deserve any more children.

:flame:

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ok... i voted that i would keep the child and take care of it... But after reading TastyT's comments i dunno... I mean on one side i see a lot of love these kids get from family/friends and then i see all the mean/ignorant people who wont even give the child a chance:( . TastyT has a valid point about how if the child could not function and does not know what is going on around him then it makes me think, how is that life:confused:

Phatman~ I wish i could meet you and shake your hand for having such a kind and loving heart... Cause in reality there are very few people like you... I thought i would have the same feeling as you towards this topic, but i just dont think i could be as strong knowing that this child was created by me. I think i would eventually get exhausted and break down... Which would be no good for the child and my family... Then i would have the feeling that i failed at 2 things:(

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hey lets not bullshit each other...school children are the most evil beings in the world. so 33% of u guys are telling us who belong to the 66% that ud keep the child and love it and nurture it. fine. look at it this way , what happens when u have to send him to school and he finds out hes different? what happens when he cant do the things the other kids do and finds himself on the special ed bus moving at a slower pace than the rest of the class? what happens during recess when he goes out and no one wants to be his friend except roger the booger boy? and to top it off..his schoolmates will tell him this to his face..they have no conscience.

now examine it from a financial point of view. is anyone aware how much it costs to provide for an retarded child? you think all this wont put a burden on you and therefore lessen ur ability to work which will eventually translate into financial problems ?

come on people...theres humane..and then theres stupid..

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Originally posted by ghhhhhost

hey lets not bullshit each other...school children are the most evil beings in the world. so 33% of u guys are telling us who belong to the 66% that ud keep the child and love it and nurture it. fine. look at it this way , what happens when u have to send him to school and he finds out hes different? what happens when he cant do the things the other kids do and finds himself on the special ed bus moving at a slower pace than the rest of the class? what happens during recess when he goes out and no one wants to be his friend except roger the booger boy? and to top it off..his schoolmates will tell him this to his face..they have no conscience.

now examine it from a financial point of view. is anyone aware how much it costs to provide for an retarded child? you think all this wont put a burden on you and therefore lessen ur ability to work which will eventually translate into financial problems ?

come on people...theres humane..and then theres stupid..

This just about balances out the good response you had on the "funny question" thread by joeg...wow...I think if I really broke this down, I'd end up pissing you off...unintentionally ofcourse...so all I gotta say is...I disagree in the most complete sense of the word...

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Now ya see, Ghhhhost, I have to disagree with you... For one, what if you don't have your child enrolled in a regular school at all? Secondly, many "normal" children get tormented in school as well, and then turn around, buy a few semi-automatics with their friends and blow their school to pieces. What about that? And what about the "normal" kids who get picked on but then prosper? This excuse has been used regarding multiracial children, children of divorce, children with same-sex parents... hell, even adopted children get picked on! Should they just be stuck in orphanages and forgotten about instead of having to face the bully on the playground?

My point is, IMO basing a decision like this on how the child is going to be treated in the schoolyard isn't terribly valid...

As for the financial burden, that could definitely be a factor for some people. But based on these two arguments, it would be ok for rich people to keep the child because they could afford special schooling, etc, but "stupid" for poor/middle-class people to do so? So the child is somehow worth more if it comes from a family with money?

At any rate... I think it's pretty harsh to call someone who would choose to keep the child "stupid"...

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Keep the kid, definitely.

Fifty years ago I might say the kid may be miserable but with the advances being made in medicine and in education dealing with the handicapped, it is very possible for them to live full and happy lives. I think you're doing the handicapped community a real injustice by automaticaly assuming that they're fucked from the beginning... Probably more harm than the handicap themselves as silly as that may sound. They're beautiful people if you get to know them and quite possibly some of the most genuine people you'll ever meet.

*Naomi

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thanx for ur responses..but i honestly stand by what i posted. it doesnt matter how much u try to shield the kid from society..its still gona manage to take its toll on him. second i dont think that the rich should be allowed to keep the kid and the poor shouldnt. i think it rolls the same for both..because anyway u look at it a retarded child is a tremendous responsibility and it would definitely affect your performance at your job. i may come off cruel..but its jus what i believe , bringing a severely retarded child into the world is in my eyes wrong. as much as u love the child , your love wont be able to give them what theyre lacking.

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Originally posted by tastyt

I don't know- I think it would depend on how severe of a handicap it was.

I do agree with you a bit, DG, with what you said about putting the baby "out of its misery"- it sounds really cold but it can sometimes be the most humane thing to do. We put our dogs and cats to sleep so they don't suffer, but as human beings we have to watch people who would rather be dead live out what little life they have left in mental/physical agony?

On the other hand, if I were in such a stable position... and I actually was trying to have a baby... I guess I might already love it too much by the time I found out.

This really a hard one. I agree with Tastyt, it depends. It sounds awful to say, but look at the way that our society treats people with handicaps, even if it is the slighest....... I dunno, hopefully I never have to find out....:confused:

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