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marcid21

Issues ~~~~~~~~>>>>>

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ok...yeah...there def. seems to be a problem....

this whole week I've kinda taken a lil' "vacation" from work and just hung around, saw old friends, vegged for the sake of sanity, and got my humpty hump on along the way...:tongue:

...so anyway...as some of you might have read in the past...there seems to be this lil' problem with me and achieving orgasms ((never had one without assistance from Moi))...

..so this week, after spending most of it with my ex, was chock full of fun! The only problem is...the other night, we were getting down real nice...i mean it...like candles, nice tunes....just me and him....all the yummy stuff....and i was close...SO CLOSE...to actually cumming...but something stopped me...It felt awful...it felt like I was crossing a bridge, on my way to ectascy, and the bridge just collapsed halfway through...

...this made me cut our eventful week short...and left me pondering all day yesturday. I've come to the conclusion that it's me...I just won't warm up to anyone enough to share an orgasm with them. I just find it so wierd how much the brain is in control when we're all heated...I dunno...I'm still kind of working out my theory....but what better place than to tell all of you that I think I'm sexually insane...:shaky:....

...anywho, as usual, your insight on this is needed...:shake:

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Originally posted by marcid21

ok...yeah...there def. seems to be a problem....

this whole week I've kinda taken a lil' "vacation" from work and just hung around, saw old friends, vegged for the sake of sanity, and got my humpty hump on along the way...:tongue:

...so anyway...as some of you might have read in the past...there seems to be this lil' problem with me and achieving orgasms ((never had one without assistance from Moi))...

..so this week, after spending most of it with my ex, was chock full of fun! The only problem is...the other night, we were getting down real nice...i mean it...like candles, nice tunes....just me and him....all the yummy stuff....and i was close...SO CLOSE...to actually cumming...but something stopped me...It felt awful...it felt like I was crossing a bridge, on my way to ectascy, and the bridge just collapsed halfway through...

...this made me cut our eventful week short...and left me pondering all day yesturday. I've come to the conclusion that it's me...I just won't warm up to anyone enough to share an orgasm with them. I just find it so wierd how much the brain is in control when we're all heated...I dunno...I'm still kind of working out my theory....but what better place than to tell all of you that I think I'm sexually insane...:shaky:....

...anywho, as usual, your insight on this is needed...:shake:

I'm not trying to get into your business, but there may be some underlying factors that cause this problem. It may be that you were abused, had horrible relationships in the past, or you're just afraid to get too close to anyone. My girl was abused when she was a child by her brother's "friend". She had other partners before she met me, but she never had an orgasm until a couple of months into our relationship. She was so afraid to get close to anyone, but she finally got close to me after she fell in love with me (what she tells me). Or....it may be that you're not picking the right person. He may just suck.

One more thing: Are you allowing the guy to go down on you long enough? It is a fact that women achieve an orgasm 90% of the time through oral sex or manual stimulation, not intercourse.

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Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

One more thing: Are you allowing the guy to go down on you long enough? It is a fact that women achieve an orgasm 90% of the time through oral sex or manual stimulation, not intercourse.

I agree on this one :)

And Marci, what u said about the brain taking over is SO TRUE! I know it's hard to explain, but u just gotta let go of thoughts, and try to get caught up in the moment.

It may be what aboyfromBkln said is true, but this can happen to anyone if they're anxious/nervous. Just try to get caught up in the music-candles-etc and let your thoughts drift away.

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Originally posted by marcid21

...so anyway...as some of you might have read in the past...there seems to be this lil' problem with me and achieving orgasms ((never had one without assistance from Moi))...

so who is this Moi?

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Originally posted by hardtopleaz

Moi = herself... (me in french)

i knew that silly ;)

@marci:

could you describe the process you go through when you are on the edge of orgasm?

to give you an idea about what i mean by that:

i had 2 girls yet that couldn´t reach orgasm, and they both *kinda* had the same problem. i asked a few further question on the subject (before we had sex) and she described me the process, she was basically describing a "disassociation" (the psychology students here will probably know that). right when she was on the edge she disassociated the process, meaning she saw herself and the man fucking from outside (like from a camera point of view), in contrary to an "associated" process in which you see everything through your own eyes and are "in" your body and feel everything.

an associated process is MUCH more intense than a disassociated process, as the disassociated is "distant" and you are not really involved in it.

imagine you are seeing yourself from outside (disassociated) riding a rollercoaster on a sunny day, you´re screaming in pleasure and are holding your hands in the air.

now imagine that same picture associated, where you see everything through your eyes, the sound of the rollercoaster car is intense, the warm wind is blowing in your face and is pushing your arms that are in the air back, you feel the sun shinging on your cheeks, you feel that numb feeling in your stomach and at the same time the adranalin rush and the accompanied happyness. now which one was more intense?

btw: disassociation is a great technique to numb all kinds of feelings (like fear, anxiety, also pleasure *hint* if you want to hold out during sex disassiociate ;) )

so she was disassiociating herself right before orgasm, and after having found out the reason she couldn´t orgasm, me and her managed to have her reach orgasm (by exercising conciously associating the process) after some weeks, was a pretty uplifting experience, both for me and her.

with the second girl it was a kind of similar problem, she would disassociate and look at her and the man from outside, then thought of a cheap porno and she was feeling cheap too then and always got turned off bad by that. i wasn´t able to help her :( , we tried some stuff but i couldn´t *fix* her. i still know this girl so if any of you (if you have even read that far) have ANY ideas be sure to let me know!!

umm yeah i know i am talking too much again ;), so marci try to give details (only if you want of course, ideally you should take this to a psychatrist who is specialised in sexuality anyway)

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