trancedkitten Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front ofa skating rink.3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a 'diet' coke.5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe theprocess so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning'bloodsucking creatures'.10. Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.EVER WONDER:Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?Why are they called 'apart'ments when they are all stuck together?If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping (like that's the only time we have to work on our hair)?On a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchasenecessary...details inside. (the shoplifter special)?On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion)?On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought????...)On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time)?On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operatemachinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and...I'm taking this because???....)On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what)?On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (Don't blame the company...blame the parents for this one.)On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faith11878 Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 And the sad part is that it had to happen to be written on a label. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ob1 Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 :laugh: That last part was histerical. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chynado11 Posted May 12 Report Share Posted May 12 LMFAO!!common sense is sometimes the greatest thing people lack....CD Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vixenfoxxy Posted May 12 Report Share Posted May 12 OMG i'm laughing so hard I'm cryinggggggggg hahahahha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sfqtipie Posted June 7 Report Share Posted June 7 :laugh: Sooooo true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gebriel Posted June 9 Report Share Posted June 9 :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amercali Posted June 26 Report Share Posted June 26 hahahahha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ellinita Posted June 27 Report Share Posted June 27 lol..... that's hilarious.... I first read this and posted the same thing like a month ago or so on the NY forum .... and I couldn't stop laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reeni Posted July 14 Report Share Posted July 14 :laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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