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xxlea

..............................

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Showing love is far greater than sounding out four letters.

A kiss,

A hug,

A silent moment without feeling awkward.

I want a break from this so called LOVE, I'm looking for Respect now.

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i used to think that if someone told me s/he loved me, it guarenteed success and happiness cause... well... after all, doesn't love conquer all? sure it does, MAYBE, if combined with respect, communication, trust, etcetcetc. i've learned (painfully, but isn't that usually the way?) not to expect happiness just from someone loving me. it is but one color of the rainbow that leads to the pot of gold.

okay, i'm getting tired and lame *laughs*

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Love is a LOT more complicated to understand than respect, but i think both are equally important.

Respect should come automatically when u lov someone, but you don't necessarily have to love someone u respect.

It's true., only love by itself won't cut it. You gotta have respect (in actions ) like xxlea said... Otherwise you might be investing more than the other (i've done :blank:.) and that ain't no fun.

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Originally posted by marcid21

your implants are hurting too?!?!?!?!

Damn...ME THREE!!!!:tongue:

bwahahahaha :laugh:

but i meant that i understand where she's comming from. I'm having a hard time with my boy right now, not sure if I should keep pushing forward or just let him go. He doesn't do BIG things to disrespect me but the little things count more. The phone call, being there when he says he will and just small things like that are what make me question it all.

Whoever said love should hurt was liening, and this is why I agree :)

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Originally posted by jy

He doesn't do BIG things to disrespect me but the little things count more. The phone call, being there when he says he will and just small things like that are what make me question it all.

i totally understand your frustration.

it's one thing when someone slips up occasionally (forgot to call, accidentally utters ex's name instead of yours, etc.) but when it seems like your lover isn't really TRYING hard enough not to be inconsiderate it does make you wonder what's going on.

is it that s/he really doesn't care or that you're simply dealing with a dolt who doesn't understand that these things can drive you crazy? hehe. seriously tho, if you express that it makes you unhappy (and first ure that you aren't being over critical, of course) and all he can say is "you need to chill out," maybe you would be better off with someone who pays attention to those small things.

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Originally posted by wideskies

i totally understand your frustration.

it's one thing when someone slips up occasionally (forgot to call, accidentally utters ex's name instead of yours, etc.) but when it seems like your lover isn't really TRYING hard enough not to be inconsiderate it does make you wonder what's going on.

is it that s/he really doesn't care or that you're simply dealing with a dolt who doesn't understand that these things can drive you crazy? hehe. seriously tho, if you express that it makes you unhappy (and first ure that you aren't being over critical, of course) and all he can say is "you need to chill out," maybe you would be better off with someone who pays attention to those small things.

that's exactly what he tells me to do, he tells me to calm down and relax.

yesterday was the breaking point. We have been arguing lately and yesterday we both finally decided that we'd go out for a coffee to discuss what was going on. He called me early yesterday morning and asked me if I could meet him at a coffee shop and I agreed.

I waited until 11:00 p,m last night for him to call and tell me to go meet him but he never did. I finally got frustrated and called his cellular phone and he was watching wrestling with some friends.

I think that is so disrespectful on so many levels. He could have called and asked to reschedule, yes I might have been upset that he was pushing me aside but at least he had the common courtosey to tell me. Second it just goes to show him priorities in life : the second something better comes up he choses to push me aside and make me wait.

He really seems to think that i'm going to let it go, that i'm going to get over it and let him continue doing this to me. He's wrong, the first couple of times this happened I figured it was a mistake. I told him how upset it made me and I told him I thought it was disrespectful. He apologized and said "you know I still love you"

I wont let it go this time, I've had enough. I deserve to be respected, I deserved that phone call telling me that he was doing something else and most of all I deserve a guy who's going to understand when things upset me and try to work through them with me instead of just tell me "it's no big deal".

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My situation is slightly different. He didn't respect my privacy or space. I had to shut off my cell because he was constantly calling.

But I understand JY, very frustrating when you're feelings or thoughts are not taking into consideration. He had a very twisted theory on promises...promises were not his "word of honor." :rolleyes:

I take that very seriously if someone gives me their word/promise. JY it is a big deal, keep in mind that little things add up over a period of time.

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Originally posted by jy

that's exactly what he tells me to do, he tells me to calm down and relax.

yesterday was the breaking point. We have been arguing lately and yesterday we both finally decided that we'd go out for a coffee to discuss what was going on. He called me early yesterday morning and asked me if I could meet him at a coffee shop and I agreed.

I waited until 11:00 p,m last night for him to call and tell me to go meet him but he never did. I finally got frustrated and called his cellular phone and he was watching wrestling with some friends.

I think that is so disrespectful on so many levels. He could have called and asked to reschedule, yes I might have been upset that he was pushing me aside but at least he had the common courtosey to tell me. Second it just goes to show him priorities in life : the second something better comes up he choses to push me aside and make me wait.

He really seems to think that i'm going to let it go, that i'm going to get over it and let him continue doing this to me. He's wrong, the first couple of times this happened I figured it was a mistake. I told him how upset it made me and I told him I thought it was disrespectful. He apologized and said "you know I still love you"

I wont let it go this time, I've had enough. I deserve to be respected, I deserved that phone call telling me that he was doing something else and most of all I deserve a guy who's going to understand when things upset me and try to work through them with me instead of just tell me "it's no big deal".

man, this sounds soooooooooo familiar.

i dated someone who, for the last 4 months of our relationship, did the same sort of things you're talking about. i we loved each other and there were definitely good things about the relationship, but eventually i realized that it just wasn't worth my emotional energy sitting around waiting for him to change his behavior. so, i broke it off.

sounds like it really is time for u to seriously consider whether it's worth your while to date someone who appears to lack consideration. although you may care for each other, "i love you" x 1000 and a history can't make up for a man who's currently acting like an asshole. :|

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Im in kind-of the same boat as jy, but the gender roles are switched :blank: :blank: :blank:

Do you think we need to ease back and scare them, give them a challenge and make them think they will lose us if they continue to do that?

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Originally posted by gmccookny

Im in kind-of the same boat as jy, but the gender roles are switched :blank: :blank: :blank:

Do you think we need to ease back and scare them, give them a challenge and make them think they will lose us if they continue to do that?

that to me is playing games. I've always faught for what I wanted until I realized that what I would get wasn't really worth it in the end. This "relationship" me and boy have was worth it : it made us both feel good, it completed me, it made me realize the beauty in love..

but it's time to walk away.

i wouldn't ease back for the sake of making them realize what they're losing. in my case i've just given up completely, i'm not going to bother with his games anymore. He can swear that he didn't mean it, is going to change or whatever he has to say. but enough is enough already, i have feelings too and they should sure as hell be concidered.

I haven't spoken to him at all since yesterday. Had this been 3 months ago i'd be so scared that it was over. Instead, today I spent the day with a good friend: not really doing anything but still having a blast. I guess I know it's over now since I can now picture my life without him.

live and learn I guess.

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Originally posted by jy

i wouldn't ease back for the sake of making them realize what they're losing. in my case i've just given up completely, i'm not going to bother with his games anymore. He can swear that he didn't mean it, is going to change or whatever he has to say. but enough is enough already, i have feelings too and they should sure as hell be concidered.

I see your point.

It really seems that each of you are expecting something different in the relationship.

But you know what i learned? That it's ok to let go, and that people that are meant to be will find themselves again (perhaps with a little prodding from each side, but that's ok)

Im actually at the same juncture. One of us doesn't seem quite ready for the relationship, and the other keeps giving, giving...

Who knows, but for now, we're taking a break. I do believe that the more u are without something, if you really loved it, it will come back.

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I wish I could say that were true. I know what he wants from a relationship and I know that he wants a serious commitement and often he accuses me of being the one who doesn't want to commit to him. Unfortunately, this boy doesn't stop and realize that he's got a girl who dreams about him in her future, that he's got a girl who wishes she could be in his arms at night, that he's got a girl who would give her life to save his. Yet he says that I don't love him enough.

It kills me to hear that. Not only because I know it's absolute nonesense but because it makes me question my behaviour in a relationships. There are so many nights that i've walked away wondering what it is that i've done wrong, or how I could have reacted better and not have upset him.

Truth is, he upsets me. He constantly does those little things to make me feel like second runner up. He values shopping above me, he values money and prestige above me and as hurtfull as it is to finally realize this he wouldn't do half the things I would for him.

I don't think i've done anything wrong in the relationship. Granted I may have made my mistakes but I can tell you in all honesty that the meanest most hurtfull thing I've ever done is most probably either not return his phone calls or just told him i didn't want to speak to him at that particular moment.

I listened to his bitching and whinning on and off for over a year now. I was never good enough but he never directly told me so, I didn't treat him right or so he said and to punish me he'd make me feel terrible. He even left me waiting for him the night before I was leaving on a trip since my uncle had passed away. The times I need him most are the times he's never there and the times he needs me most is the time i'm willing to give my own bloody sanity to make sure he is ok.

This is long, and probably doesn't mean a bloody thing to anyone but given whats been going on in my life it just makes everything so much easier to have actually taken the time to type it all out.

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I totally hear you, jy ;)

It's great to get your feelings out on paper, CP, or with friends. Keeping it bottled up will only make the explosion later much larger.

Doesn't it suck to really need someone, and they're not there when u need them?

It's weird, but u get to know the person much more after months of knowing them.

Now im just wondering if these people can change for the better, or if they're locked perpetually in their incessant complacency for pretentious love :confused:

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Originally posted by gmccookny

I totally hear you, jy ;)

It's great to get your feelings out on paper, CP, or with friends. Keeping it bottled up will only make the explosion later much larger.

Doesn't it suck to really need someone, and they're not there when u need them?

It's weird, but u get to know the person much more after months of knowing them.

Now im just wondering if these people can change for the better, or if they're locked perpetually in their incessant complacency for pretentious love :confused:

personally, i would never stick around and wait for someone to finally change or finally realize the importance in being with someone else.

some people are just asses by nature and if they want to change then thats fine but I'm not going to stick it out and find out for myself. I've done that too many times and it's always ended the same way : me being crushed.

if someone is right for you then they'll be right for you from the start..

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What's more frustrating is the time I've wasted these past few weeks trying to reason with this person. Complete BLOCK HEAD! It amazes me how immature a person could be. Without blabbling too much on the subject, I'm being held accountable for everything :laugh: He has the nerve to blame me for his insecurities and any other issue going on in his head, lol. Yet he strongly believes we can make it work.

Wow never knew I possesed such powers:rolleyes: .

Now I ask you this, members of CP, if a person makes you miserable, insecure, etc, why on earth would you still want to stay together?? :blown:

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Originally posted by xxlea

What's more frustrating is the time I've wasted these past few weeks trying to reason with this person. Complete BLOCK HEAD! It amazes me how immature a person could be. Without blabbling too much on the subject, I'm being held accountable for everything :laugh: He has the nerve to blame me for his insecurities and any other issue going on in his head, lol. Yet he strongly believes we can make it work.

Wow never knew I possesed such powers:rolleyes: .

Now I ask you this, members of CP, if a person makes you miserable, insecure, etc, why on earth would you still want to stay together?? :blown:

live and learn i guess :(

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jy, it sounds like you made the right decision. it hurts either way, but it's better to bear the pain of leaving someone than staying with someone who really isn't doing what he should to make the relationship into something that is WORTH that emotional committment.

so *hug* rock on.

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