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20 Clues A Woman Should Call It A Night

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1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms over head and my butt wigglingwhile

yelling woo-hoo is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly

believeI could do it too.

4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more like Tammy FayeBaker

than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine on the> floor (which I'm eating

eventhough I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating


6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooooo much.

7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and

singbecomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I

keepthem half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me

justlemonade, but that's just because I can no longer taste the gin.

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the


15. I start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the

wrongway but..."

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to bestanding)

and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down

onthe time I'm in the washroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm

havingproblems walking straight.

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