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tastyt

losing respect

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It's come up a few times before, someone will question their relationshiop and how they feel about a person because of something they learned about them. They've had an abortion, they've had more partners than is "acceptable," they used to be a porn star (haha, most of you weren't here, but yeah, it's come up!)

Some will say the past should remain in the past, and that you shouldn't judge anyone based on theirs. But some things make even the most open-minded of us take pause and re-evaluate our relationships.

What, if anything, from your partner's past would cause you to look at them in a new light that might possibly destroy your relationship? And would you rather know about it and make the call from there, or would you prefer not to know about it at all?

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I think I would rather not know, honestly. I always say, what you dont know wont hurt you. I mean, if it's in the person's past, then I dont see why it should affect their relationship with you now. Although I know that isnt always the case.

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Def. not know.

That's why it is his/her past. I look at it like, every realtionship is so different from one to the next. If he was a cheater you'll figure it out, if he was a jerk, you'll know it/figure it out, if he hasn't changed. If u listen to what his past was before and he/she really doesn't act that way towards you that bias isn't fair either.

So I take every realtionship as it comes, and I don't listen to bullshit until I see it myself......... IMO

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Originally posted by tastyt

It's come up a few times before, someone will question their relationshiop and how they feel about a person because of something they learned about them. They've had an abortion, they've had more partners than is "acceptable," they used to be a porn star (haha, most of you weren't here, but yeah, it's come up!)

Some will say the past should remain in the past, and that you shouldn't judge anyone based on theirs. But some things make even the most open-minded of us take pause and re-evaluate our relationships.

What, if anything, from your partner's past would cause you to look at them in a new light that might possibly destroy your relationship? And would you rather know about it and make the call from there, or would you prefer not to know about it at all?

it´s okay honey, tell us what´s on your heart.

as long as you don´t tell us you´ve been a man for the first 18 years of your life we still gonna like you ;)

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Originally posted by tastey

as long as you don´t tell us you´ve been a man for the first 18 years of your life we still gonna like you ;)

Actually... :worry::(

:laugh2:

I'm asking because of something I read on another board... this boy dumped his girl of 10 months because he's so strongly pro-life and he found out she had had an abortion.

Some extreme examples were brought up... ie, the person had commited murder or had been in prison. Yeah, I'd like to know something like that.

I try to be very open-minded so there's not a whole lot I could learn that would make me think poorly of someone I cared about... but some things I would rather NOT know- I wouldn't wanna know that my guy used to bag a different girl every weekend for years, or had ever been with a prostitute...

So, is there anything you consider so important that to not reveal it, would be considered a lie by omission? Anything that might affect your health is a pretty obvoius choice- but is there anything else?

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...that it is o.k. to not tell everything you know...

I would prefer to not know everything. A past is your a past and should be left there...

It is sad that he could not look past a choice she made before him. Sounds as if he really did not care for her as much as he should!

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Originally posted by joeg

what about when you think you know someone, and then they do something that shatters any and all understanding you had of what they will/won't do?

True, but I'm not sure how that relates to this. Are you saying, if that person had revealed more about their past, their actions would not have been so surprising?

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Originally posted by tastyt

I try to be very open-minded so there's not a whole lot I could learn that would make me think poorly of someone I cared about... but some things I would rather NOT know- I wouldn't wanna know that my guy used to bag a different girl every weekend for years, or had ever been with a prostitute...

So, is there anything you consider so important that to not reveal it, would be considered a lie by omission? Anything that might affect your health is a pretty obvoius choice- but is there anything else?

shit like he was fucking anything that walks and was fucking prostitutes is something that should be brough up before the relationship gets sexual...its not fair to you..sure he may be clean today but some of the shit out there takes weeks\months\years to show up and by that time you may have moved on from each other and now your stuck with aids or hep c or something as shitty...it pisses me off when i think of my gf being with guys before me but i have a jealous streak i have to deal with on my own...but if she fucked that many people or was a prost. i would want to know...

as for myself there are some things my gf doesnt know and she wont know...its not her life and they dont effect her in any way shape or form...therefore its none of her business...if it was something that would effect her in any way then she would be told

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Originally posted by tastyt

It's come up a few times before, someone will question their relationshiop and how they feel about a person because of something they learned about them. They've had an abortion, they've had more partners than is "acceptable," they used to be a porn star (haha, most of you weren't here, but yeah, it's come up!)

Some will say the past should remain in the past, and that you shouldn't judge anyone based on theirs. But some things make even the most open-minded of us take pause and re-evaluate our relationships.

What, if anything, from your partner's past would cause you to look at them in a new light that might possibly destroy your relationship? And would you rather know about it and make the call from there, or would you prefer not to know about it at all?

i feel its none of my business... i wasnt with her then so it doesnt concern... so i dont ask... however there are some girls who feel compelled to tell me everything from who, what, where, when and his damn dick size... and if its a tremondous # of ppl in a short period of time, thats one that would turn me off... and a excessive amount of abortions is two... two instances where this happend in real life... once was a while back a girl told me that she had 3 abortions.... 3! one fine, two shit happends three? damn bitch... and the other time i found out this girl friggin damn near shagged all of the guidos in the next town... so on both counts i had to pass...

(sorry for the grammar/profanity, its after work and i cant really think burnt...)

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Originally posted by tastyt

True, but I'm not sure how that relates to this. Are you saying, if that person had revealed more about their past, their actions would not have been so surprising?

I was just posing another, similiar question... your question made me think of that...

kind of like the other side of the coin... rather than it happening in the past... it happeneing once you already knew the person...

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Originally posted by synderella420

I definitely would need to know a person's past..because sometimes it isnt just the past....it could be brought into the future and I dont want any surprises......:eek:

i totally agree !! suprises hurt alot more than the truth in situations like this.. believe me i know... & theres nothing worst than getting suprised by something thats gonna kill you inside jmo

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Originally posted by tastyt

It's come up a few times before, someone will question their relationshiop and how they feel about a person because of something they learned about them. They've had an abortion, they've had more partners than is "acceptable," they used to be a porn star (haha, most of you weren't here, but yeah, it's come up!)

Some will say the past should remain in the past, and that you shouldn't judge anyone based on theirs. But some things make even the most open-minded of us take pause and re-evaluate our relationships.

What, if anything, from your partner's past would cause you to look at them in a new light that might possibly destroy your relationship? And would you rather know about it and make the call from there, or would you prefer not to know about it at all?

Their past is what makes them who they are today.... It's called a past for a reason, because it has already happened and you change it. To be honest, I don't know if I'd want to know or not...

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I would want to know major important details, like having sex w/ strangers, having an abortion, etc... But not into too much detail.

I say you start a clean slate with the person, and they can redeem themself, if they fully acknowledge the wrong thing they did in previous relationships. They should be able to accept their mistake and change their habits not to repeat it.

Then, my respect for them is gained :)

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I want to know it all. I want to know as much as possible about a person. I will try to judge the info I find out with a grain of salt because it all happened probably a lot earlier before me. I mean everyone has done something that they have regretted in the past, EVERYONE HAS. Thats why we try and leave it in the past, as long as your not judgemental of the person then I don't think it should be to much of a problem. I mean who wouldn't want to know that their signifigant other is either a player or a hoe, for instance, I mean what if ur partner told you that he or she was a freak and liked to partake in orgies and share needles with heroine I mean wouldnt you want to know that ?(this last example was very extreme) :)! Basically, if something is vital and important to a relationship it should be known, I think the most important aspect of a relationship is to be honest, straight- fwd, and trusting of your partner among other important qualities ;)!

P.S I lose the bet :(, do as you will! :eek:

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Originally posted by rdancer

Basically, if something is vital and important to a relationship it should be known

Well, that's partially the point of this question... not everyone has the same idea of what information is vital and what's instead on a need-to-know basis.

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