Mens Rules

[naomi1]

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules

from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all

numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it

down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining

about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we

can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the

tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than

short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that

married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it

that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do

not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say

it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a

calendar. Remind us frequently

beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd

be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with

your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's

what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In

fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us

to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to

answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways

makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it

done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it

yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during

commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two

months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your

girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach,

for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have

no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of

mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like

nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the

hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer

you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.

Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to

discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster

trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or

some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're

saying anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz

together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch

tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like camping.

1. I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.