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wideskies

when to call it quits? the not always so visible line

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is there a definite line (that hopefully won't but...) that could be crossed that would mean that you would, under ANY circumstance, end a relationship? ANY relationship.

or in other words, how do you know for SURE when a relationship should be terminated?

for me, i would 100% definitely break up with someone who cheated on me, or abused me physically/sexually ....

....but not necc. emotionally to some extent. this is something to think about because emotional abuse comes in many forms and can have the same traumatic effect on one's psyche as other more "obvious" kinds of abuse.

i've broken up with people and been broken up with for various reasons. admittedly, i've felt neglected by a sig. other and broken up with him, but then NOT broken up with someone else who i'd felt just as neglected by. so i guess that would mean that 'neglect' isn't one of those definite lines.

*shrugs*

it's early, what can i say. my brain is still tumbling out of sleepstate.

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for me, i would 100% definitely break up with someone who cheated on me, or abused me physically/sexually ....

Same goes for me ;)

I would also like to state that the part of relationships you are talking about---emotional abuse---is not an easily quantifiable subject to deal with.

I believe everything in life has a reason. And if someone was neglecting the other, then they might have issues the other is not aware of.

That's why it's up to those who are better and more in-control of their lives to either be patient and understanding with the one who is struggling (what im doing) or just let them go, realizing they;re not feeling it as much (what everyone tells me to do).

People, especially in their twenties, are still growing, still learning the ways of life. Some learn it quicker than others. But it's up to you whether you want to be patient and hope that this person will grow and change.

I wouldn't necess. end a relationship just for emotional neglect. There may be other things positive about this person that make up for that. Or, the person is just emotionally immature, but that's a whole other story...

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In my experience, when the brain sends out feelings of doubt, it's best to listen to it.

I'm not talking about the feelings of doubt like "I wonder if I'm ready for this sort of thing"... I'm talking about that doubt that nestles itself right between your heart and your stomach; a cross between hunger and a heart attack... the doubt that says to you, "There's something wrong here."

Trying to live with that feeling is plenty of emotional abuse for me, thank you very much.

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Originally posted by wideskies

is there a definite line (that hopefully won't but...) that could be crossed that would mean that you would, under ANY circumstance, end a relationship? ANY relationship.

or in other words, how do you know for SURE when a relationship should be terminated?

for me, i would 100% definitely break up with someone who cheated on me, or abused me physically/sexually ....

....but not necc. emotionally to some extent. this is something to think about because emotional abuse comes in many forms and can have the same traumatic effect on one's psyche as other more "obvious" kinds of abuse.

i've broken up with people and been broken up with for various reasons. admittedly, i've felt neglected by a sig. other and broken up with him, but then NOT broken up with someone else who i'd felt just as neglected by. so i guess that would mean that 'neglect' isn't one of those definite lines.

*shrugs*

it's early, what can i say. my brain is still tumbling out of sleepstate.

. . . The line is different for everyone . . . It comes back to the "lovable asshole" theory, I think . . . You know, those people who are just so obnoxious . . hell, even odious some times, but you JUST can't hate them . . . A person like that could definitely keep one in a relationship that's boring, even detrimental for an extended period of time . . .

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . . The line is different for everyone . . . It comes back to the "lovable asshole" theory, I think . . . You know, those people who are just so obnoxious . . hell, even odious some times, but you JUST can't hate them . . . A person like that could definitely keep one in a relationship that's boring, even detrimental for an extended period of time . . .

aha! but there is such a vast and various pool of assholes to choose from! how could one not find an entertaining one? ;]

i've been with people who were on the extreme end of obnoxious and others who were not a bit obnoxious. i hung on to some of the assholes and got rid of others more quickly. why? *shrugs*

it seems like i, personally, would only *definitely* break up with someone for the 'big' reasons(abuse, cheating, realizing your sig. other is addicted to heroin, etcetc). i'm not sure there isn't anyone who isn't ever inconsiderate and selfish. sometimes we overlook small faults, even multiple small faults, because we believe in a 'greater cause' or something. i don't know. sometimes it pays to be forgiving and sometimes it pays to have a backbone and i sure as hell haven't figured it out perfectly in regards to ANY relationship (lover, parent-child, friendship).

i find it interesting how

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some signs that u could look for: ur significant other shows no interest in anything u say or do anymore.... constantly talks about ex's or other guys/girls.... doesnt show any sexual attraction toward u anymore... doesnt touch u doesnt wanna kiss u doesnt compliment u anymore.... note the word "anymore"... it makes a difference b/c if they used to do all these things and stopped, then obviously they just dont care anymore...

same thing goes for u... if u feel u arent attracted anymore and find urself doing any of these things... chances r... its time to move on...

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Originally posted by wideskies

rdancer: one of my ex's DID say something rather rude about my mother to some acquaintences of mine (behind my back) soon *after* i broke up with him. stupid fuck.

Yeah, stupid fuck. I love your mom.

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Life would be so much simpler if it we could actually abide by the laws we lay down in our own mind... I've said it before, I'd never stay with someone who did x,y, or z... And then there he was, doing x and y, and I didn't go anywhere... and then he started to do z, lol...

Originally posted by hoke

In my experience, when the brain sends out feelings of doubt, it's best to listen to it.

I'm not talking about the feelings of doubt like "I wonder if I'm ready for this sort of thing"... I'm talking about that doubt that nestles itself right between your heart and your stomach; a cross between hunger and a heart attack... the doubt that says to you, "There's something wrong here."

I think this is the best thing written so far... there doesn't have to be any definable thing going wrong, but once those doubts enter your mind... it's time to listen to your gut and get out...

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Originally posted by linabina

some signs that u could look for: ur significant other shows no interest in anything u say or do anymore.... constantly talks about ex's or other guys/girls.... doesnt show any sexual attraction toward u anymore... doesnt touch u doesnt wanna kiss u doesnt compliment u anymore.... note the word "anymore"... it makes a difference b/c if they used to do all these things and stopped, then obviously they just dont care anymore...

same thing goes for u... if u feel u arent attracted anymore and find urself doing any of these things... chances r... its time to move on...

Bravo Captain Obvious. :aright:

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