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To lighten the mood a bit..here's some jokes...


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Top 8 Sex Jokes

! A young man walks up and sits down at the bar."What can I get

you?"the bartender requires."I want six shots of Jagermeister."replied

the young man."6 shots?!?Are you celebrating something?"asked the

bartender."Yes,my first blow job,"replied the young man."Well,in that

case,let me give you a 7th on the house",said the bartender."No

offense,mister",said the young man,"but if 6 shots won't get rid of

the taster,nothing will".

@ A businessman boards a flight and is lucky enough to be seated next

to a gorgeous woman.They exchange brief hellos and he notices that she

is reading a manual about sexual statistics.He asks her about it,and

she replies,"This is a very interesting book about sexual

statistics.It identifies that American Indians have the longest

average penis,and that Polish men have the biggest average diameter.By

the way,my name is Jill.What's yours?"He cooly replies,"Tonto

Kawalski,nice to meet you."

#One night,as a couple lay down for bed,the husband gently taps his

wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.The wife turns over

and says:I'm sorry,honey,but I've got a gyneocologist's appointment

tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."The husband,rejected,turns over and

tries to sleep.A few minutes later,he rolls over and taps his wife

again.This time he whispers in her ear,"Do you have a dentist's

appointment tomorrow too?"

$Bill worked in a pickle factory.He had been employed there for a

number of years,when he came home one day to confess to his wife that

he had a terrible compulsion.He had an urge to stick his penis in the

pickle slicer.His wife suggested that he see a sex therapist to talk

about it,but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarresed.He vowed to

overcome the compulsion on his own.One day,a few weeks later,Bill came

home absolutely ashen.His wife at once could see that something was

seriously wrong."Oh Bill,what's the matter?",she asked."Do you

remember that I told you that I had this terrible urge to put my penis

in the pickle slicer?" "My God,Bill,what happened?" "I got fired." "No

Bill,I meant what happened to the pickle slicer?" "Oh,she got fired


%A man is visiting his wife in the hospital where she had been in a

coma for many years.On this visit he decides to rub her left breast

instead of just talking to her.On doing this she lets out a sigh.The

man runs to the doctor and tells him this who says this is a goos sign

and suggests he should try rubbing the other breast to see if there is

any reaction.The man goes in and rubs her right breast which brings

out a moan from his wife.The doctor says this is amazing and is a real

break through.The doctor then suggests the man go in a try oral

sex,saying he will wait outside as this is a personal act and he

dosen't want the man to be embarresed.The man then goes in and comes

out five minutes later,white as a sheet and tells the doctor that his

wife is dead.The doctor asks what happened to which the man

replies,"She choked."

^A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side.He puts the

alligator up on the bar.he turns to the astonished patrons."I'll make

you a deal.I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals

inside.Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.He'll then

open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed.In return for

witnessind this spectacle,each of you will buy me a drink."The crowd

murmered their approval.The man walked up to the bar,dropped his

pants,and placed his private's in the alligator's open mouth.The gator

closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.After a minute,the man grabbed a

beer bottle,and rapped the alligator hard on top of his head.The gator

opened his mouth,and the man removed his genitals unscathed as

promised.The crowd cheered and the first offer of his free drinks was

made.The man stood up again and made another offer."I'll pay anyone

$100 who's willing to give it a try.A hush fell over the crowd.After a

while,a hand went up in the back of the bar.A woman timidly spoke

up."I'll try,but you have to promise me that you won't hit me on the

head with the beer bottle."

&A small white guy walks into an elevator.When he gets in,he notices a

huge black man standing next to him.The black guy looks down upon the

small white guy and says"7 foot tall,350 pounds,20 inch dick,3 pound

left ball,3 pound right ball,Turner Brown.The small white guy

faints!!The big black guy picks up the white dude and brings him

to,slapping his face and shaking him and asks the white guy,"What's

wrong?" The small white guy says,"Excuse me,but what did you say?"The

big black dude looks down and says,"7 foot tall,350 pounds,20 inch

dick,3 pound left ball,3 pound right ball,my name is Turner Brown.The

small white guy says,"Thank God,I thought you said "Turn around."

This one made it #1 in one day!

Q]What did Bill Gate's wife say to him on their wedding night?

A]"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft."


This one I added,it's really crass..

A teacher was working with a group of children,trying to broaden their

horizons through sensory exploration.

With their eyes closed,they would feel objects to pumice cones to pine

fruits,and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits.Then one day,the

teacher brought in a variety of Lifesavers(a candy),more flavors than

you could ever imagine."Children,I'd like you to close your eyes and

taste these",announced the teacher.

Without difficulty,the children managed to identify the taste of

cherries,lemon,and mint,but when the teacher had them put honey

flavored lifesavers in their mouths,every one of the children was


"I'll give you a hint,"said the teacher,"It's something your Daddy and

Mommy probably call each other all the time." With that,one of the

children immediately spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and

shouted,"Spit 'em out,you guys,they're assholes!"

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