I asked my b/f if I could sleep with others

[nycmuzik]

Originally posted by totallytrance

I dont know if you can call it love if you have urges to have sex w/ other ppl....obviously for pleasure but still....

I agree......Maybe you love being with the person but are not truly IN love with them...

Mike.....I could def. go for a spliff right about now.....

[hoke]

Originally posted by teklord310

when analyzing his situation one might come to a different conclusion based on the sexuality of both parties.

I did understand what you meant, and I guess "So?" was a vague response to that... sorry.

What I meant to say is, I don't think there's a difference. Lifestyle certainly varies considerably between groups (not even any need to bring sexual orientation into that). However, when it comes to matters of the heart, I've found that there is in fact very little variance -- people cherish and are hurt by very similar types of behavior, no matter what group they're in.

I consider this question to be very much a matter of the heart; therefore I don't think the fact that they're gay makes much, if any, difference.

[atomicapples]

this he-she is a slut/whore./..

[tastyt]

Originally posted by linabina

if u still have urges in ur system for other men, then ur obviously not ready to commit urself... although u may love ur bf very much, u cant have the best of both worlds..... either suck it up and be with him and only him... or break up. and do ur thing. and hope hes still there waiting for u when ur ready to commit to him. and if hes not, dont say i didnt warn ya

Ditto...

[nSyNcBaBy]

Originally posted by tastyt

Ditto...

great minds think alike

[candeo]

Originally posted by etherialboytoy

Ok, here is the story...

I told that I loved him very much and that I knew it was hurting him so I wouldn't do it. The problem is that eventhough I love him very much I find it too hard sometimes to resist temptation. I love him and I don't know why I feel these urges for others. Can anyone offer any advice?

I'm really sorry, Etherial, but if you need to sleep with other people, then you probably don't love him enough to spend the rest of your life with him.

It makes sense to try to justify it, as a preventative measure to make sure that later you don't regret having had more experiences. You don't want to end up subconciously resenting them 10 years later. But the chances of problems arising from his resentment of you sleeping with other people is much greater. It doesn't matter how much you try to justify it, it will come back around because it is morally wrong.

I've been thinking about this some myself. I'm nearly sure that I've found THE ONE girl for myself and I had planned on having more partners than I have had before I went looking for THE ONE. But the truth of the matter is that there's simply some things that are more important than sex. Love is definitely one of them.

[perns2002]

Originally posted by hoke

I have to ask... how old are you?

(and yeah, wrong forum)

THis is the sex forum I am confused.................

[hoke]

Originally posted by perns2002

THis is the sex forum I am confused.................

It got moved.

[gambitrah]

so is this a guy-guy or guy-girl relationship???...if its guy-guy then 18 (or however many) partners is asking for serious STD's or worse..reason i say this is from everything Ive read in the past..oh...10 yrs or so bi\gay men are more open and exposed to more std's and diseases then hetero men\women...yes\no? if this is the case...if you play the law of adverages then a few of the 18 this person slept with had some sort of disease...and if he\she slept with 18 people..and each of those 18 people slept with 18 people..then your odds of catching something just skyrocketed...

[tommyarmani]

.

[gambitrah]

some shit to think over...

"More than three-fourths of young urban gays infected with HIV don’t know it — and may unwittingly transmit the deadly virus to their partners, a major U.S. study suggests. Among young black homosexuals, the findings are even more alarming: More than nine in 10 were unaware they carried the AIDS virus, the study found."

THE FINDINGS, released here Monday at the International AIDS Conference, signal a need to revive the passion with which the United States once tackled the epidemic — or face a possible resurgence, said Dr. Ron Valdiserri, deputy director of HIV, STD and TB at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta.

“The study may help explain why many young gay and bisexual men in the United States are becoming infected,†said the CDC’s Duncan MacKellar, who led the work. Hundreds of thousands of gays are going untreated for HIV and may be spreading it unknowingly — and to unknowing persons — through unsafe sex, he said.

Another CDC study, also released Monday, showed that the rate of new HIV infections among gay and bisexual men is nine times higher than among women and heterosexual men.

For his study, MacKellar interviewed and tested nearly 6,000 gay men aged 15 to 29 at local hangouts — dance clubs, bars and health clubs — in Baltimore, Dallas, Los Angeles, Miami, New York and Seattle from 1994 to 2000.

A total of 573 — or 77 percent — who tested HIV positive did not know they were infected with the virus. Nearly half said they didn’t use condoms during anal sex because they perceived themselves to be at low risk for HIV infection, MacKellar said.

When broken down by race:

91 percent of infected black men didn’t know they were HIV positive;

70 percent of infected Latino men were unaware of their status; and

60 percent of the infected white men didn’t know it, MacKellar said.

Ignorance of AIDS status among infected gay and bisexual men is three times higher than previous studies estimated, MacKellar said. Those studies, which were based on interviews with men entering the military or other jobs that require HIV screening, showed that one in four infected people don’t know it.

REVERSING THE TREND

To help reverse the trend, the CDC has launched several new campaigns. One, designed to halve new infections among all Americans by the year 2005, largely targets Americans who are infected with HIV but do not know it.

“We’re encouraging people to recognize high risk behavior, encouraging testing of at-risk groups such as homosexual and IV drug users, and encouraging health care providers to do more to increase HIV testing among their patients,†said the CDC’s Dr. Patricia Fleming. She noted that testing of pregnant women ballooned about a decade ago after that group was targeted by their ob-gyns.

Additionally, she said, rapid testing that allows people to get their results on the spot are needed. Currently, there is only one government-approved test in the United States, and that test requires the sample to be sent to an outside lab for results — which means patients must return to find out if they tested positive.

STIGMA AMONG BLACKS

While the study did not examine why blacks are more likely to be unaware of their HIV status, hypotheses include higher rates of IV drug use, itself a risk factor, and less access to care, the researchers said.

Additionally, blacks may not be as open about their sexual orientation and sexual health, said Phill Wilson, an AIDS advocate with the African American AIDS Policy and Training Institute in Los Angeles.

“There is still a stigma attached [to AIDS in the black community],†he said, making African-Americans harder to reach with public health efforts that focus on prevention.