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phuturephunk

What the hell is going on in this world today . .

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. . Ya know . . I aint one to preach family values . . lord knows I've done my share to secure my seat in hell . . but It's always been on a chemical destruction tip . . . Meaning that I really only hurt myself in the process . . .

. . What I'm trying to get at here is . . It seems to me like . . . Everyone around me . . and this Aint just CP, I'm talking old skool years ago miles away people as well . . are all either involved in or tempting the fate of bad interpersonal relationships . . . Almost every one I know who's getting some is in some kind of destructive relationship. . . .Stuff like 1 person is cheating, or being cheated on and knows it, but still won't walk away . . . Open relationship experimentation that never quite works out (and 90 percent of the time it won't and they KNOW it . .) . . Multiple partner situations, all in the vain attempt at finding affection without commitment . . . ya know? . . stuff like that . . . All of this crap makes me lose faith in love . . and really the opposite sex as the days go on . . . I guess I'm some kind of closet idealist . . . but I've felt the ugliness in the past, and it aint the kind of thing I like to bear on a daily basis . . . So many people I've observed however, seem to like it, if not invite it outright . . .

. . How did things get so horribly wrong? . . . Or am I just naeve cause I spend most of my time now sitting on the fence? . . .

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i know exactly what you mean...

one of my best girlfriends hasnt had a bf in a long time but shes always hanging out with other girls bfs and hooking up with them. these guys are the type who seem like they would be the ideal boyfriends, ie. dont cheat/lie etc... it makes you wonder. how they go home to their girlfriends and act like nothing happened??? this isnt an isolate incident either, its been like 4 guys with girlfriends in the past 3 weeks.

im not talking about my own situation here... my situation is diffferent, the guy i see who has a girlfriend isnt in love with her, it is merely a convenience relationship (of course she doesnt know that) but he tells me he doesnt even really like her, hes basically only with her because it is easy.

are their any decent people out therre??? :confused::blown:

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...i'm hearing ya...i just dont know what it is...too much jerry springer?...have these types of relationships been glorified and validated by the media?...have people given up on monogamy and the possibility that there are good people out there that you can date - one at a time...who knows...i'm just as confused..

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Originally posted by somebitch

im not talking about my own situation here... my situation is diffferent, the guy i see who has a girlfriend isnt in love with her, it is merely a convenience relationship (of course she doesnt know that) but he tells me he doesnt even really like her, hes basically only with her because it is easy.

are their any decent people out therre??? :confused::blown:

...so relationships out of convenience, on all sides in this case, are "decent"?...i'm not picking on you, but i would think your situation typifies what mike is trying to say here...imo...

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I wholly believe in values myself, and me and smurfette made the smart but tough decision to wait till marriage.

It works out so well: i don't worry as much about her going out and "hooking up", we have something genuine to look forward to in the future, and it will be THAT much more exciting when we "do it"...

Sex is something i've noticed people taking very lightly. But it's one of the most serious emotional bonds one can make with another person. When you enter the body of someone else, you're not just "fucking' them; you are entering their mind/body/and soul...their good, their bad, their entire being.

Modern Media and pornography have too strong an influential grip on society, and it's up to us to either separate ourselves from their foolishness and tasteless subject matter, or get caught up with it and think we have to have sex because "everyone is doing it"

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Originally posted by phatman

...so relationships out of convenience, on all sides in this case, are "decent"?...i'm not picking on you, but i would think your situation typifies what mike is trying to say here...imo...

no it is not decent... what im saying is at least im not ruining a meaningful relationship & my friend who is messing around with all these "good guys" is runing "meaningful" relationships.

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I hear ya Phonk... part of it has to do with our age... most of us are young and many are still trying to figure out what the best type of relationship for us is... or are just not ready to commit to one partner. As for the dysfunctional relationships, that's partly due to a poorly developed sense of self-worth; sadly it can also be attributed to modeling our own love life after that of our parents' fucked up relationships.

Originally posted by somebitch

im not talking about my own situation here... my situation is diffferent, the guy i see who has a girlfriend isnt in love with her, it is merely a convenience relationship (of course she doesnt know that) but he tells me he doesnt even really like her, hes basically only with her because it is easy.

Holy justification, Batman! :eek:

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Originally posted by somebitch

no it is not decent... what im saying is at least im not ruining a meaningful relationship & my friend who is messing around with all these "good guys" is runing "meaningful" relationships.

Wow... remember... denial ain't just a river in Egypt...

The woman who's relationship you're helping to destroy might not agree with you on that point.

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Yay to Phonk for this thread!

...It's funny, I was discussing this exact thing with a friend the other day...There is an overabundance of negativity in the air lately, where relationships are concerened. And I too wonder if it's just me with a warp old fashioned sense, as i sit on the sidelines and watch events unfold.

After being in a pretty genuine relationship for nearly four years, and dating on and off the last year, I'm really pretty skeptical about getting involved with someone. There's always caution and risk involved, but as Phunk stated the sour interpersonal relationships as of late, are almost overwhelming.

I have no answers, and still stare in disbelief and DISGUST when i see the shit hit the fan.....I can just hope, when my time comes again, that it will be just as genuine as my last relationship.

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Originally posted by tastyt

Wow... remember... denial ain't just a river in Egypt...

The woman who's relationship you're helping to destroy might not agree with you on that point.

im helping her see the reality of her relationship... :laugh: she should thank me. :tongue:

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Thank you, Mike!

As I said yesterday, compassion is a dying sentiment. It goes hand in hand with what tastyt said, about low self-esteem. With no self-esteem or compassion, there's little room for a healthy relationship.

Honestly, I find that our society increasingly places value on external, not internal, attributes. What kind of car you drive, what brand of jeans you wear... this sort of mentality has existed in the past, certainly, but never before has advertising been as much a science as it is today.

And, of course, with this shift from internal to external, we lose our incentive to introspect, to grow emotionally and intellectually. After all, why bother, if a fat wallet and a fancy car are all you need?

People try to tell me I'm single because I can't get laid. People who actually *know* me know that's not my problem... my problem is complete and utter disgust with 99% of the people I meet... and a level of self-esteem that does not allow me to be defiled in that way.

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Originally posted by hoke

People try to tell me I'm single because I can't get laid. People who actually *know* me know that's not my problem... my problem is complete and utter disgust with 99% of the people I meet... and a level of self-esteem that does not allow me to be defiled in that way.

:clap:

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. . I dunno . . I've been tearing through my soul while working on my computers here in the office and I still can't come up with an answer on why this stuff should still bother me . . . .

. . . I mean, I know it's gonna happen . . and every time I've opened myself up to someone. . . been nice and all . . I've either gotten used or ignored . . . . and yet. . . as dark as I get . . it still bothers me . . only when I cross the line into what I consider being "evil" do I get the interpersonal satisfaction that I want . . . and then I feel all the dirtier afterwards, for it . . .

. . I guess if I was getting some on the side I would have a better time dealing with things, cause sexual contact seems to be an opiate on the level with heroin for being able to not care . . . but being alone gives gives me massive amounts of time to be introspective . . . And I look at myself, and see that I'm a person that just wants to be real with someone, but all those around me that I try with, don't . . . . Every time I show who I am, I get shunted into a no fly zone that I can't get out of . . .

. . oh well . . .

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Originally posted by hoke

Thank you, Mike!

As I said yesterday, compassion is a dying sentiment. It goes hand in hand with what tastyt said, about low self-esteem. With no self-esteem or compassion, there's little room for a healthy relationship.

Honestly, I find that our society increasingly places value on external, not internal, attributes. What kind of car you drive, what brand of jeans you wear... this sort of mentality has existed in the past, certainly, but never before has advertising been as much a science as it is today.

And, of course, with this shift from internal to external, we lose our incentive to introspect, to grow emotionally and intellectually. After all, why bother, if a fat wallet and a fancy car are all you need?

People try to tell me I'm single because I can't get laid. People who actually *know* me know that's not my problem... my problem is complete and utter disgust with 99% of the people I meet... and a level of self-esteem that does not allow me to be defiled in that way.

ALL of the above is very well stated. I copied it to my words.doc for future reference.

I've been in my share of unhealthy relationships but for some reason never ended up a cynic. I had hoped (and assumed) that if I opened myself lovingly to my friends, my lovers, and the world in general, I would end up with love (in all senses of the word) coming back to me.

Unfortunately, that's kinda naive. Some people are out there looking to prey on good-hearted *grin* people such as myself. Other people have no idea WHAT to do with sensitive, considerate, thoughtful folk and end up screwing them over too.

So I'll try to stick to my kind from now on. *cackles*

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Originally posted by gmccookny

I wholly believe in values myself, and me and smurfette made the smart but tough decision to wait till marriage.

It works out so well: i don't worry as much about her going out and "hooking up", we have something genuine to look forward to in the future, and it will be THAT much more exciting when we "do it"...

Sex is something i've noticed people taking very lightly. But it's one of the most serious emotional bonds one can make with another person. When you enter the body of someone else, you're not just "fucking' them; you are entering their mind/body/and soul...their good, their bad, their entire being.

Modern Media and pornography have too strong an influential grip on society, and it's up to us to either separate ourselves from their foolishness and tasteless subject matter, or get caught up with it and think we have to have sex because "everyone is doing it"

Hey man, I give you props for having those views about sex and holding up to them in your relationship,:clap: Not many people have the same views you do anymore and modern society hasnt exactly been glorifying that perspective.

I hold the same beliefs you do. I've messed up before, and that only strenghtens what I believe to be true. Sex is not to be taken lightly and should be reserved for the guy/girl you marry, where there is trust and a strong bond in the relationship.

So keep it up man, I hope you and your girlfriend have a long, beautiful relationship. :)

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ugh, i don´t even know where to hop in in this thread. i could write fuckin short novels over some of those post.

what i do about it? deal with it AS IT IS. it simply IS that way, stop asking yourself "why?" and start asking yourself "how can i work the situation to get that out of it that i want". generally, you should spend MOST of your time on the SOLUTION, NOT on the PROBLEM!

btw, phunk, i hope you don´t mind that i´m gonna use some of your stuff that you posted in this thread for the next girl that needs the illusion of "perfect monogamous relationship" to spread her legs! j/k, but it WOULD work ;)! look at the females and how they´ve all fallen for your thread ;)

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Originally posted by somebitch

im not talking about my own situation here... my situation is diffferent, the guy i see who has a girlfriend isnt in love with her, it is merely a convenience relationship (of course she doesnt know that) but he tells me he doesnt even really like her, hes basically only with her because it is easy.

i can kind of sympathize with what you are saying but that does not make the situation "right".

mike - i hear what you are saying and i hope that it isn't true. i personally have been purposefully steering clear of relationships for the last year so i haven't noticed this indecency. i think many people are inherently good, but sometimes exhibit immoral acts because they are too self-absorbed and forget to care what other people think or feel.

sorry if this didn't make sense. i am not exactly sure how to word my feelings on this subject.

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I applaud this post and agree with your description of the situation...

I think that 99% of relationship drama comes from fear and insecurity. If we want rewarding relationships without all the drama, we not only have to learn to live OUR lives without letting those fears and insecurites lead us, but also have to be on the lookout for those who recognize and (at least try to) control their fears and insecurities.

I've been in poisonous relationships and I've taken extended periods of time off from that. Seems to me like so many people feel so insecure and are so afraid of life that they HAVE to have someone there to hold their hand. HINT NUMBER ONE!!! This is where being intentionally single is really good for you. Then, when you get comfortable and feel less afraid about being alone, THAT'S when you got to keep ya eyes open for someone else on that same path.

Then you can AT LEAST communicate with them and hopefully work towards the rewarding relationship that will enrich both of your lives, rather than the clingy/ codependent/ unhealthy/ cheating/ etc. drama that will surely bring nothing but more fear and insecurity in the next round. If you reach a point of impasse, rather than hurting each other, you can choose to go your seperate ways without all the pain and future baggage.

FYI, I haven't lost faith either, but sometimes it's quite a challenge.;)

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I don't even know where to start on that thread and I'm not quite sure I can write down my thoughts straight as there are too many jumping up and down in my head right now.

The thing is that I can call myself lucky as I've always only been an observer of the mentioned disfunctional relationships. I don't know why but I guess that some of my past and where I grew up (I'm from East Germany and referring to what hoke said, I think people used to look more to internal values as, at the end of the day, that was all you had) must have something to do with it (as most of my "old" friends too are in healthy relationships).

I do believe that most people here place too much importance on sex itself. Just look at this board, some people here are sooo googly eyed over it, get all hot and horny (using these words constantly) and defend sexual liberation over everything else. I don't believe sex is THAT important, yes it is fun and I wouldn't want to miss it but at the end of the day, I do need feelings, I do need trust, I do need something else than the act itself and I place a lot of value into these "extras".

As society (porn, magazines, TV shows etc.) also advocates all forms of sexual activities, people feel they have to experience all and that they are missing something or aren't accepted as well between their peers. Hence they place an overly strong focus on sex, and people try to compensate their longing for love and human interaction with a lot of sexual activity. And it seems the more you can tell that you had crazy, sick and weird sex (even more if you can claim with multiple partners... which as we all know doesn't work too often in a monogamous relationship), the more probs you get from people...even here on this board ;)

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