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SPYGIRL3

Getting Attached...????

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How is it that you become "attached" to someone even though you try your best not to? Does it mean you like him/her more than you thought, or something about them keeps you coming back for more.....???

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . . depends on the situation . . . There's healthy attachment and there's unhealthy attachment . . . . .

... and it's not always easy to tell the difference. I'd say for most people it's a little of both.

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . . depends on the situation . . . There's healthy attachment and there's unhealthy attachment . . . . .

i think all attachment is pretty unhealthy.

i would say something keeps you coming back, it's probably not that you like them THAT much...

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i think some people have that charismatic personality you just can't get enough of and it's easy to get attached (in friendships and relationships). sometimes it's expected, like right after u breakup with someone. if it's not that, i guess subconsciously you must like the person more than you thought...

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do NOT think about a pink elefant with blue dots that´s eating peanuts. hehe you can´t, can you?

the more you try to NOT think of something the more you actually think about it. your brain, especially your imagination and those areas that are feeling oriented can not process negation.

i absolutely don´t want you to think of the good time we´re gonna have. same thing.

in your case, do not try to NOT think about him, instead think of somebody else or something else. distraction is the key. you have to give your mind a direction to focus on.

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Originally posted by phuturephunk

. . . depends on the situation . . . There's healthy attachment and there's unhealthy attachment . . . . .

Well, it's not an obessive type of attachment.... Maybe attach is the wrong word, but I can't seem to think of one that fits.......

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Originally posted by tastey

do NOT think about a pink elefant with blue dots that´s eating peanuts. hehe you can´t, can you?

the more you try to NOT think of something the more you actually think about it. your brain, especially your imagination and those areas that are feeling oriented can not process negation.

i absolutely don´t want you to think of the good time we´re gonna have. same thing.

in your case, do not try to NOT think about him, instead think of somebody else or something else. distraction is the key. you have to give your mind a direction to focus on.

It's not like I sit around just thinking about this person, but when I find myself not really involeved in what I am doing, I do wonder about them.

Maybe at first it was the chase or whatever you you wanna call it, but I did the chase, got the rabbit, but still want something.....

hmmmm:blank:

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It can mean a lot of things, depending on the situation. We're not robots, it's not like we have 100% control over our emotions.

i think all attachment is pretty unhealthy.

What makes you say that? If you're in a healthy relationship, why would it be a bad thing??? Attachment does not equal dependency/co-dependency.

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Originally posted by somebitch

i would say something keeps you coming back, it's probably not that you like them THAT much...

yea ditto.

i wonder bout that too cuz i used to get attached real easily to people and end up being disappointed. now i've learned to be more distant in most situations, but it still happens sometimes. even tho i try hard not to. i guess there's jus *some* thing that keeps you coming back, a je ne sais quoi.

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Originally posted by liteflyr

yea ditto.

i wonder bout that too cuz i used to get attached real easily to people and end up being disappointed. now i've learned to be more distant in most situations, but it still happens sometimes. even tho i try hard not to. i guess there's jus *some* thing that keeps you coming back, a je ne sais quoi.

THe funny thing, I so don't get attached to people. I am usually pretty good about keep boundaries clear etc., etc., etc.... I guess that's whay I am kinda bothered by this....

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tends to be that in all the situations where you are attached to someone, it could just as easily be someone else..

you allow yourself to be in that position. the funny thing is that whenever you are feeling attached to someone and thoughts of them keep entering your mind, the best way to stop thinking about them is to go out with someone else. if you see this "someone else" a few times, you will see your thoughts shift...

i have learned that you choose to allow yourself to feel something for someone. when you are taken you may choose not to feel things for other people but in reality there are other people who you would feel things for out there.

i personally try not to get attached to people these days. i like it better this way, when i meet the right person things might be different but hopefully they will be equally as attached to me. :tongue:

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Originally posted by somebitch

tends to be that in all the situations where you are attached to someone, it could just as easily be someone else..

you allow yourself to be in that position. the funny thing is that whenever you are feeling attached to someone and thoughts of them keep entering your mind, the best way to stop thinking about them is to go out with someone else. if you see this "someone else" a few times, you will see your thoughts shift...

i have learned that you choose to allow yourself to feel something for someone. when you are taken you may choose not to feel things for other people but in reality there are other people who you would feel things for out there.

i personally try not to get attached to people these days. i like it better this way, when i meet the right person things might be different but hopefully they will be equally as attached to me. :tongue:

agreed :aright:

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Originally posted by somebitch

i personally try not to get attached to people these days. i like it better this way, when i meet the right person things might be different but hopefully they will be equally as attached to me. :tongue:

So true.....:)

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It's much easier to become attached to someone than it is to de-tach oneself from another...

im learning that as we speak, attempting to rekindle something with someone special in my life. But it's tough. I was hurt once before, and now i am Xtra-careful and watchful of signs.

I don't mind getting somewhat attached... just as long as i take my time and remember that there are lots of people in this world, and at my age, i shouldn't be too attached to one person .

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Lol I knew you were goin to post this...Well you already know my opinion , but for the ones that dont, I absolutely hate when I start to get attached to a guy, idk why. I kinda try to avoid getting attached, it seems to just complicate things. The way that I know though when its a good guy for me to be with, is when I find myself getting attached.

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

How is it that you become "attached" to someone even though you try your best not to? Does it mean you like him/her more than you thought, or something about them keeps you coming back for more.....???

(speaking for myself by myself: )

time is a huge factor... the more time you spend with somebody, the more and more you start to notice lil things about them that you find attractive or hot or cute or funny or (insert adjective)... for example my last girlfriend... we started out as friends through a friend... i wouldve never approached this girl in a club or bar or at tcby or whatever... but the more and more i hung out with her... the more and more lil things started to click in my head and then my heart... but at first i tried not to get "attatched" since i didnt want to ruin my friendship with my friend and etc. so i tried to stay back however next thing i know i was head over heels for this girl... so to sum up this drawn out post... time and chemistry are the biggest factors... and the fact that you tell yourself not to get attatched or try not... the more you want too... (kind of like a "want what we cant have" type of syndrome)

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Originally posted by destiny779

Lol I knew you were goin to post this...Well you already know my opinion , but for the ones that dont, I absolutely hate when I start to get attached to a guy, idk why. I kinda try to avoid getting attached, it seems to just complicate things. The way that I know though when its a good guy for me to be with, is when I find myself getting attached.

Well, you know if I post it, it really bothers me.......:confused:

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Originally posted by dgmodel

(speaking for myself by myself: )

time is a huge factor... the more time you spend with somebody, the more and more you start to notice lil things about them that you find attractive or hot or cute or funny or (insert adjective)... for example my last girlfriend... we started out as friends through a friend... i wouldve never approached this girl in a club or bar or at tcby or whatever... but the more and more i hung out with her... the more and more lil things started to click in my head and then my heart... but at first i tried not to get "attatched" since i didnt want to ruin my friendship with my friend and etc. so i tried to stay back however next thing i know i was head over heels for this girl... so to sum up this drawn out post... time and chemistry are the biggest factors... and the fact that you tell yourself not to get attatched or try not... the more you want too... (kind of like a "want what we cant have" type of syndrome)

Those are all normal factors and that makes sense. I don't spend a lot of time with this person, in fact I rarely see them. We speak on the phone sometimes, but not a lot lately..... So, that's why I don't get it. I could understand if I saw them all the time or even spoke on the phone..... :blown: IDK:blank:

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I know you don't want to hear this, but take it from someone who has a lot of experience in this field: You're attached! Believe me, admitting to yourself that you are is the first step to resolving this problem (isn't it like that with everything else?). I was extremely attached to my ex-girlfriend even after finding out all the bad shit she did to me. You may not have it anywhere near as bad as I do, but it CAN develop into it. I know because it happened to me. During the beginning of the relationship, I used to find myself okay with just hanging out with her once every week or two, but it turned into being a must that I saw her all the time. After some counseling and waking up and smelling the coffee, I broke up with her and attempted to move on with my life, which is where I am now. I'm now with someone else who is so much better to me, but the problems still haunt me. Whenever I'm not with this new person in my life, I think about my ex. It's like I can't get her out of my head.

Attachment can also jump from one person to another, and it did just that. It's not the easiest thing when my new girlfriend wants to hang out every day after work, or she wants me to sleep at her place every night, but I know that I have to leave some space there. I tried not to jump into another relationship right after I broke up with my ex. I knew that I needed some time for myself, but things just happened and I couldn't control my feelings. Was it the healthiest choice? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. She is truly amazing!

My advice to you. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE (something I'm trying to do, it's rough) and don't worry about anyone else. It may sound selfish, but you'll live longer. I realize now that WE ARE ALL ALONE in this world and if you can't see that, you're either in denial or ignorant. No matter how close you are to someone, no matter how much you love him/her, no matter how much he/she loves you, there will always be a time where that person is no longer there for you (whether it's breaking up, death, etc.) I dread the day my mother dies. She has been the largest support system in my life, but I know one day she's not going to be there. For a long time, I wished I would die before her so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but I now realize that's not the answer.

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Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

I know you don't want to hear this, but take it from someone who has a lot of experience in this field: You're attached! Believe me, admitting to yourself that you are is the first step to resolving this problem (isn't it like that with everything else?). I was extremely attached to my ex-girlfriend even after finding out all the bad shit she did to me. You may not have it anywhere near as bad as I do, but it CAN develop into it. I know because it happened to me. During the beginning of the relationship, I used to find myself okay with just hanging out with her once every week or two, but it turned into being a must that I saw her all the time. After some counseling and waking up and smelling the coffee, I broke up with her and attempted to move on with my life, which is where I am now. I'm now with someone else who is so much better to me, but the problems still haunt me. Whenever I'm not with this new person in my life, I think about my ex. It's like I can't get her out of my head.

Attachment can also jump from one person to another, and it did just that. It's not the easiest thing when new girlfriend wants to hang out every day after work, or she wants me to sleep at her place every night, but I know that I have leave some space there. I tried not to jump into another relationship after I broke up with my ex. I knew that I needed some time for myself, but things just happened and I couldn't control my feelings. Was it the healthiest choice? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. She is truly amazing!

Good points, just like DG made, but I can't find a "normal " reason for this..... It's not an ex or even a current for that matter, it's just a person. But for some reason, I am thinking about them a lot of of late..... I don't spend 24/7 thinking about them or even wondering what they are doing.... Just every now and then...

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Originally posted by aboyfrombklyn

I know you don't want to hear this, but take it from someone who has a lot of experience in this field: You're attached! Believe me, admitting to yourself that you are is the first step to resolving this problem (isn't it like that with everything else?). I was extremely attached to my ex-girlfriend even after finding out all the bad shit she did to me. You may not have it anywhere near as bad as I do, but it CAN develop into it. I know because it happened to me. During the beginning of the relationship, I used to find myself okay with just hanging out with her once every week or two, but it turned into being a must that I saw her all the time. After some counseling and waking up and smelling the coffee, I broke up with her and attempted to move on with my life, which is where I am now. I'm now with someone else who is so much better to me, but the problems still haunt me. Whenever I'm not with this new person in my life, I think about my ex. It's like I can't get her out of my head.

Attachment can also jump from one person to another, and it did just that. It's not the easiest thing when new girlfriend wants to hang out every day after work, or she wants me to sleep at her place every night, but I know that I have leave some space there. I tried not to jump into another relationship after I broke up with my ex. I knew that I needed some time for myself, but things just happened and I couldn't control my feelings. Was it the healthiest choice? No. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. She is truly amazing!

My advice to you. LIVE YOUR OWN LIFE (something I'm trying to do, it's rough) and don't worry about anyone else. It may sound selfish, but you'll live longer. I realize now that WE ARE ALL ALONE in this world and if you can't see that, you're either in denial or ignorant. No matter how close you are to someone, no matter how much you love him/her, no matter how much he/she loves you, there will always be a time where that person is no longer there for you (whether it's breaking up, death, etc.) I dread the day my mother dies. She has been the largest support system in my life, but I know one day she's not going to be there. For a long time, I wished I would die before her so I wouldn't have to deal with it, but I realize that's not the answer.

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:D

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

Good points, just like DG made, but I can't find a "normal " reason for this..... It's not an ex or even a current for that matter, it's just a person. But for some reason, I am thinking about them a lot of of late..... I don't spend 24/7 thinking about them or even wondering what they are doing.... Just every now and then...

there is just some chemistry/attraction there--that is something that is not always explainable(or else we would all choose better who we fell for, lol) and not always healthy, but why not go with it and see what happens? you say you don't hang out with this person all that much...why not start hanging out with them some and see what develops? you may realize you were just projecting something onto them that wasn't there, or you may find something that makes you happy :)

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