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Male Dictionary For Women...

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(Just in case we don't understand one another)

1."I'm going fishing" -

Means.. "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety"

2. "It's a guy thing" -

Means.. "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".

3. "Can I help with dinner?" -

Means.. "Why isn't dinner already on the table?"

4. "Uh huh", "Sure honey," or "Yes dear" -

Means.. Absolutely nothing; it is a conditioned response.

5. "It would take too long to explain" -

Means.. "I have no idea how it works".

6. "We're going to be late" -

Means.. "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac".

7. "I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind" - Means.. "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra".

8. "Take a break honey, you're working too hard" -

Means.. "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner".

9. "That's interesting dear" -

Means.. "Are you still talking?"

10."It's a really good movie" -

Means.. "It's got guns, knives, fast cars and beautiful women".

11."That's women's work" -

Means.. "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless".

12."You know how bad my memory is" -

Means.. "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday or our anniversary."

13."I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses" - Means.. "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe".

14."Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal" -

Means.. "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt".

15."Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing" -

Means.. "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon".

16."I can't find it" -

Means.. "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless".

17."What did I do this time?" -

Means.. "What did you catch me at?"

18."I heard you" -

Means.. "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."

19."You know I could never love anyone else" -

Means.. "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it could be worse".

20."You look terrific" -

Means.. "Oh God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving!"

21."I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are" -

Means.. "No one will ever see us alive again".

22."We share the housework" -

Means.. "I make the messes, she cleans them up".

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