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sweetie029

...Vacation w/my bf...the aftermath....

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Ok...so me & my bf went on a little vacation which was going great until the last day.....it all started out perfect & I thought it was going to be a great experience (this was a first for the both of us going away w/ a signifigant other) between :hump: and going out & experiencing beautiful beaches good food etc. I didn't want the trip to end.....THEN then our last day rolls around....we got into a HUGE fight in the car & under his breath he said he's dumping me...whatever...it didn't bother me at first b/c I figured he was saying it out of anger...then we get back to the hotel & again he mentions we are going to break up when we get home...I didn't let that ruin my vacation so I tried to make the best of what was left...then we were sitting in the airport & he's telling me how next summer our next trip is Europe talkign about making plans for more vacations.....so now Im a little confused...what should I make of all this ??

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hrm, i dunno. i am the type of person where if i know there is a conflit coming ill just cause it right away because i cant live feeling like something is not right. youre better off without him than in mental anguish.

if you think he just said it out of anger then it is probably best to drop it but if you think his comment had some substance, you should bring it up and tell him you dont appreciate him saying that hes dumping you over some bullshit argument. tell him to think before he speaks.

if he cared about you he would be more careful about what he says. if someone said that to me i would probably tell them to fuck off.

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That sucks, @ least you made the best of it. Tell him you think its time you started seeing other people, ya know that you werent exclusive. That will make him nutty and he will try ever so hard to win you back, or it could go the other way.

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Originally posted by rdancer

That sucks, @ least you made the best of it. Tell him you think its time you started seeing other people, ya know that you werent exclusive. That will make him nutty and he will try ever so hard to win you back, or it could go the other way.

very very sound advice! if you mean anything to him he will do everything not to lose you... make him work for you affection

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Originally posted by somebitch

hrm, i dunno. i am the type of person where if i know there is a conflit coming ill just cause it right away because i cant live feeling like something is not right. youre better off without him than in mental anguish.

if you think he just said it out of anger then it is probably best to drop it but if you think his comment had some substance, you should bring it up and tell him you dont appreciate him saying that hes dumping you over some bullshit argument. tell him to think before he speaks.

if he cared about you he would be more careful about what he says. if someone said that to me i would probably tell them to fuck off.

YUP. what she said

I think that it is a pretty ashhol-ish type thing to do while your on vacation, and your last day even if he didn't mean....... Ruin the whole thing.......... FOr him and yourself. At least he didnt hook-uo like you thought or were intimidated by...............

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LoL...there's a LOT more to this story but I won't go into too much detail...basically to sum it up.....everything that happens in our relationship I am the cause of it...& Im the one who brings him down & makes him feel like shit in his opinion...now...my bf is a VERY complicated person & I know for a fact most girls would not handle or tolerate the way he acts..I knew from the start this vacation was doomed but I went along w/ it anyway in hopes it might make things better...he's been saying for a while he's gonna break up w/ me (he's been saying this for about 2 months...he CONSTANTLY holds this over my head)..now we've had 2 break ups & both times he was the one who initiated it...as well as being the one to come crawling back to me...I know he's very attached & used to me b/c he wants to be around me 24/7 despite our fights & he constantly talks about the future (with me being included) so this is why I'm confused on how I should go about fixing this...

p.s.- I'm sorry for babbling!!! :)

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you could do one of several things

1) Break up with him

2) Wait until he breaks up with you and don;t let hom back

or

3) If you want to be with him and stay with him, feeling like he's the right person, but has some problems, get therapy together

Regardless, you can't have things staying the way they are. It just doesn;t sound like a healthy relationship.

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Only you can tell yourself what to do, you will know when enoughs-enough, and you can't handle the pain and aggravtion anymore. I went through this same exact thing, right down to the vacation, and fighting w/ her while we were in Europe. We fought for 2 weeks off and one, then the day after we got home from Europe, we broke up and haven't talked since, and it was the best decision I have ever made... I just knew that I had had enuff of the fighting and pain..

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Originally posted by sweetie029

LoL...there's a LOT more to this story but I won't go into too much detail...basically to sum it up.....everything that happens in our relationship I am the cause of it...& Im the one who brings him down & makes him feel like shit in his opinion...now...my bf is a VERY complicated person & I know for a fact most girls would not handle or tolerate the way he acts..I knew from the start this vacation was doomed but I went along w/ it anyway in hopes it might make things better...he's been saying for a while he's gonna break up w/ me (he's been saying this for about 2 months...he CONSTANTLY holds this over my head)..now we've had 2 break ups & both times he was the one who initiated it...as well as being the one to come crawling back to me...I know he's very attached & used to me b/c he wants to be around me 24/7 despite our fights & he constantly talks about the future (with me being included) so this is why I'm confused on how I should go about fixing this...

p.s.- I'm sorry for babbling!!! :)

This relationship sounds very complicated.

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its quite simple hun... ASK HIM! :idea: what good is playing games and constant worry and wondering about what he meant by that... when in fact, like rdancer said, ur "dump him instead and make him earn ur affection back plan" could go the other way? and u 2 could lose each other over something that u were never even sure was worth losing each other over!!! :make sense?: :confused:.....but yea if u lose each other over something so stupid then maybe u ARE better off without him.. but its not worth the risk... UGH basically... dont play games. dont be an asshole. dont assume why he said what he said, etc etc. be straight with him. tell him u heard what he said and it hurt u. and ask for a reason as to why he felt the need to say it. being out in the open about ur feelings will get u wherever u need to go. trust me.

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Originally posted by rdancer

That sucks, @ least you made the best of it. Tell him you think its time you started seeing other people, ya know that you werent exclusive. That will make him nutty and he will try ever so hard to win you back, or it could go the other way.

dude, you are evil :laugh: :laugh:

i can SOOOO see this working :)

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oh and to the original poster:

i can tell by your post you certainly don´t want to leave him and that you for sure do not want to hurt him or play games with him. i think you just want him to stop hurting you by even considering a breakup, which makes you feel insecure and hurt cause you question how he could play with something that is so important to you, that is of so much value to you. thing is, he probably does not know or realize how much he hurts he by saying that. TELL him how much it hurts. he loves you, i guess when you really make it clear to him so he can undestand just how much it hurts to have him say things like this he will *perhaps* see that this is NOT the way to go.

then again, by your description he sounds like a very emotional guy, that can go from emotional state to state in minutes.

i know a couple that told me a very interesting way to deal with this. they have a special word on which they agreed on beforehand. and if that word is spoken during an argument, the argument or fight HAS to stop, immediately. they agreed beforehand that they would, when that word is spoken, think of how much they really loved each other even when times sometimes get tough. *this* is what often gets forgetten in an argument and when this happens the things are said that are often regretted later. give it a try :)

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well sweetie you sound insecure how can someone hold breaking up with you over your head?if he uses leaving as a threat fuck it let him go your life can not be an revoling door with a series of breakups this is my 2cents and im not in your situation but if you are happy then stay but life is to short to make others happy :D

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well, like Phunk says, i think there is more here than meets the eye. if you want to handle this in a mature way, why don't you think about this:

assuming you guys really care for each other, but have some issues (you've told us what his faults are, but i'm sure he has issues with you too), sit down and talk about how this trait of his is really destructive to you emotionally and challenge him to try and get better with it. while i firmly believe that people don't "change", i do believe that when people want to they can realize that their actions have certain effects that they either didn't intend or should avoid (like really hurting people you care about) and if he's for real he'll try very hard not to do this to you again once you talk it out.

of course, you may find out some stuff about yourself too doing this, so remember, it goes both ways....

if it turns out that this is just the way he is, it doesn't sound healthy for you cause he's gonna cause you tons of anxiety.

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Originally posted by trancerxn112

and those are the words of a future PhD in Psychology... heed her advice as if it were the word of god... :laugh:

do i sense sarcasm??? hrrmmmm??? anyway... yea listen to mike... lol:laugh2: :aright:;)

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