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georgym

Im just Baffled by some people's insecurities...

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OK, here's the deal.

My brother (35) was leaving for Texas today. He was going to drive down to D.C., then down to North Carolina, and then make it to Texas by Friday.

He's very different than me, and we've had our squabbles, but before ANYTHING, we are Brothers.

Now we were getting along all right lately. But today, right when he was leaving, I was somewhat occupied in the restroom. So he goes "Byeee", and im like "You''re leaving?" So he's like " yeah, bye", and I say "Bye, have a good safe trip"

No hug. No good luck or handshake even. Behind a closed door, he just goes.

He does have certain insecurities, but isn't this wrong? Im real saddened by this gesture. Who knows the next time i'll see him?

I guess some of us just have different agenda's of views towards good-byes...

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Originally posted by tastyt

I'm confused abt why this is an insecurity thing. Does he have bathroom issues or something? :confused: Or he's just not very affectionate?

ok,,,, maybe it's not insecurity. It seems like he doesn't know how to say goodbye, or doesn't like goodbye's.

Yesterday we spent half the whole day at the DMV (you know how that can be) and it was actually cool. We got along, and stuff was good.

But the fact that he didn't want to say goodbye to my face made me feel kinda awkward.

:confused:

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By the way, it gets far more confusing than this (his insecurity about his sexual tastes, father who wasn't there for him, bouncing in between jobs)

That's why i thought this to be an insecure situation. And why he doesn't function like i'd think he would.

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I think it's great that you are concerned for your brother and would like to see him happy, but from what I've read so far (and I don;t want to sound like a jerk, just my observation) you seem like the one who is insecure about your relationship with your brother. Not necissarily insecure in yourself, but insecure about him. Granted, I don't know what the whole deal is, and very little has been said, but you're very worried about how he said goodbye. Sometimes, people aren't very close with their families, but are very secure in themselves. I don't know you, your brother, or your situation, but it could be possible that he may be insecure around you guys because he doesn't feel like anyone in his family would understand him. But, that doesn't necissarily mean that he doesn;t have anybody he can talk with. Maybe he is comfortable in the situation he has with you guys. I can understand wanting him to stick around so you could say goodbye, but couldn't you have said, "OK, hold on a sec, I'll be out of the bathroom soon," thus giving him more of a comforting feeling that you wanted him to stick around for a proper goodbye. Again, I don't know the situation, but who is truly the insecure one in the situation? Just something to chew on...

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I think it's great that you are concerned for your brother and would like to see him happy, but from what I've read so far (and I don;t want to sound like a jerk, just my observation) you seem like the one who is insecure about your relationship with your brother. Not necissarily insecure in yourself, but insecure about him. Granted, I don't know what the whole deal is, and very little has been said, but you're very worried about how he said goodbye. Sometimes, people aren't very close with their families, but are very secure in themselves. I don't know you, your brother, or your situation, but it could be possible that he may be insecure around you guys because he doesn't feel like anyone in his family would understand him. But, that doesn't necissarily mean that he doesn;t have anybody he can talk with. Maybe he is comfortable in the situation he has with you guys. I can understand wanting him to stick around so you could say goodbye, but couldn't you have said, "OK, hold on a sec, I'll be out of the bathroom soon," thus giving him more of a comforting feeling that you wanted him to stick around for a proper goodbye. Again, I don't know the situation, but who is truly the insecure one in the situation? Just something to chew on...

i was thinking of something like that too, but i didnt know how to put it in words without offending him:)

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Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I think it's great that you are concerned for your brother and would like to see him happy, but from what I've read so far (and I don;t want to sound like a jerk, just my observation) you seem like the one who is insecure about your relationship with your brother. Not necissarily insecure in yourself, but insecure about him. Granted, I don't know what the whole deal is, and very little has been said, but you're very worried about how he said goodbye. Sometimes, people aren't very close with their families, but are very secure in themselves. I don't know you, your brother, or your situation, but it could be possible that he may be insecure around you guys because he doesn't feel like anyone in his family would understand him. But, that doesn't necissarily mean that he doesn;t have anybody he can talk with. Maybe he is comfortable in the situation he has with you guys. I can understand wanting him to stick around so you could say goodbye, but couldn't you have said, "OK, hold on a sec, I'll be out of the bathroom soon," thus giving him more of a comforting feeling that you wanted him to stick around for a proper goodbye. Again, I don't know the situation, but who is truly the insecure one in the situation? Just something to chew on...

hey, i appreciate your time in trying to comprehend my situation :)

My brother is a very private kind of guy, and doesn't like to have "family get togethers" and stuff like that. He likes to keep to himself most of the time. That stems from a lot of things that i mentioned above, as well as him not knowing what to do with his life, struggling with weight, etc...these things make me believe he's somewhat insecure.

I did say "hold on" while i was occupied in the laboratory, but he said he was in a hurry, so he rushed out of the house.

But i guess im also a bit insecure in goodbye's. I worry more than usual, and think of these little excerpts of life as big meaningful things. But i guess i have to understand that my brother is different than me, and we have different ways of handling things.

And at least we spent most of yesterday together. That was more than we've done in a long time :)

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i guess i'd just agree with what some people said already about some people being bad at goodbyes. i hate that, too, because i really like solid ones, especially when i'm not going to see the person for a long time. but i'm also a very affectionate person, and a lot of people aren't. my oldest friend, who i've known since fifth grade, isn't really a hugger, and every time i see her and hug her hello, she gives me a sort of limp, "i have to do this" kind of hug. it took me a long time to get over this and realize that it's nothing personal. when she's drunk she'll hug and kiss me over and over, and it's bothersome that she can't show her love when she's sober, but i've just come to accept that she can't let go that way.

i just wouldn't take it personally, as it seems hard to tell what was going on :) .

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don't worry its not you. I've been seeing someone for 10 months who won't ever say goodbye on the phone to me. He has fear of abandonment, so he feels if he says goodbye, it may be the last time he'll ever talk to me. Our conversations are always as followed:

Me: "Okay bye"

Him: "Okay"

Me: "Okay bye" (again, waiting for a normal goodbye)

Him: "yea"

Me **Just hang up the phone**

At first it was a little awkward, but I've adjusted. I think the whole thing stems from his father not being there, and other people walking out of his life. So don't feel to offended, maybe hes afraid you'll abandon him too, try to let him know you won't. :)

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Originally posted by rocketfuel76

don't worry its not you. I've been seeing someone for 10 months who won't ever say goodbye on the phone to me. He has fear of abandonment, so he feels if he says goodbye, it may be the last time he'll ever talk to me. Our conversations are always as followed:

Me: "Okay bye"

Him: "Okay"

Me: "Okay bye" (again, waiting for a normal goodbye)

Him: "yea"

Me **Just hang up the phone**

lol! what a funny guy :laugh:

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Originally posted by rocketfuel76

don't worry its not you. I've been seeing someone for 10 months who won't ever say goodbye on the phone to me. He has fear of abandonment, so he feels if he says goodbye, it may be the last time he'll ever talk to me. Our conversations are always as followed:

Me: "Okay bye"

Him: "Okay"

Me: "Okay bye" (again, waiting for a normal goodbye)

Him: "yea"

Me **Just hang up the phone**

At first it was a little awkward, but I've adjusted. I think the whole thing stems from his father not being there, and other people walking out of his life. So don't feel to offended, maybe hes afraid you'll abandon him too, try to let him know you won't. :)

My grandpa never says goodbye... he feels like it's bad luck or something. He'll instead say something like "see ya later" or "so long."

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Originally posted by tastyt

My grandpa never says goodbye... he feels like it's bad luck or something. He'll instead say something like "see ya later" or "so long."

Yea. I guess some people have hangups over that. Oh well, I guess I know he can't help it, so I try to just go along. But I know some people it may bother.

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