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Guest jroo

serious question about dating

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Guest jroo

should you ever put your feelings on the back burner for someone you're dating? like if your partner is really busy doing new things (like moved away and went to school) and doesnt have the same time for you and doesnt show you the same love as before with the little things. should you accept that and know that the person is just busy? should you bring it up? would that only piss off the most perfect person of your dreams? im guessing that your happiness should come first , period. but why is it so hard after you get into a serious relationship to be happy with everything all the time? i know that i love this girl, and i know that she still loves me. guessing its just gonna take some getting used to. ok, here's the question. do you sacrifice your feelings for the person you love?

i say yes.

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If you honestly have that good of a relationship then you should be able to talk things out. Why should you be afraid to tell her how you feel???

Even if she is busy she should make time to let you know she cares. A short e-mail just to say I love you...a quick note in the mail saying ther same. Those are easy ways to show your affection at a distance.

Maybe you are having doubts because there has been a change in your normal routine. Did you used to see her everyday? It is normal to have insecurities about the person you love because you are putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable and most people are not comfortable with that. If you truly love her and she truly loves you then neither of you should be sacrificing happiness. But, I guess you are because you are the one that was left behind and it is hard. It is probably going to be something you are going to have to deal with, but you should let her know how you feel. Don't make yourself seem deperate...just tell her you are feeling lonely. She should understand because she should feel the same. You are both apart from each other.

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Guest jroo
Originally posted by merkie

If you honestly have that good of a relationship then you should be able to talk things out. Why should you be afraid to tell her how you feel???

Even if she is busy she should make time to let you know she cares. A short e-mail just to say I love you...a quick note in the mail saying ther same. Those are easy ways to show your affection at a distance.

Maybe you are having doubts because there has been a change in your normal routine. Did you used to see her everyday? It is normal to have insecurities about the person you love because you are putting yourself out there and making yourself vulnerable and most people are not comfortable with that. If you truly love her and she truly loves you then neither of you should be sacrificing happiness. But, I guess you are because you are the one that was left behind and it is hard. It is probably going to be something you are going to have to deal with, but you should let her know how you feel. Don't make yourself seem deperate...just tell her you are feeling lonely. She should understand because she should feel the same. You are both apart from each other.

yeah, we used to talk every single night. it was long distance before she left for school, but only an hour and a half away. now we never have any privacy on the phone because someone is always in here room. so i get the "yeah, aww, ha, ok, aww, i love you, mwah. bye" phone calls. the emails arent the same. she says that she still has the same feelings for me as when she left. she was made to go to school. i think that i need to give it time. and see what happens over the breaks and who she comes home too. also her friends back home were great!! they all treated her like a sister. i loved it when she went out and had fun. but now in college, i dont know her friends or what they are like. ive had one girl tell me that she doesnt care that my girl looks at guys or for guys and hopes that she breaks up with me so that she can chase men with her. the bad part about it is. that my girl still hangs out with her after i told her what her suitemate said. i trust my girl. but wouldnt you think thats a little fucked up? the suitemate since then is always like tell him i said hi and stuff. damn i think too much. anyway. how does everyone else feel on the subject?

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Guest jroo

one a personal note, its also been tough for me because i had ankle surgery and couldnt walk until a couple of days ago. so i was basically bed ridden for 2 and a half weeks. she came and took me to surgery and took care of me right before she left for school, though. but since she left i was looking at her to make me happy. its crazy not being able to do anything for weeks straight. having no one call you. nothing to do, live too far from everyone else. it really sucked. maybe all of that has made me super sensitive, more than normal, which is pretty crazy.

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Do you want me to call you?? j/k LOL

I think that you are just in a slump. Everything hit you at once and that is tough to overcome. You just need to get your crippled ass out and dancing again at Buzz:)

I am going to Deep Dish, which is not until 9/27 so you have no excuses!!!

I think a night out would really liven your mood. Sorry we do not live closer...I am a bmore babe! Not sure where you are?

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Guest jroo

she used to say that it was killing her that she went away for school and that she wanted to transfer even before she left. but now it feels like she's settling in and making friends, and doesnt tell me the same things. feels like im being left out. i never went to college i dont know what its like. ive been in the army. its not the same, but some of it is. i feel that when i was in the army i could have kept my relationship alive with a girl back home. i didnt have one though, she dumped me when i left. i dont know, ok, me talking about me is totally beat. when you guys wake up answer the happiness question thing. thanks. :)

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Guest jroo
Originally posted by merkie

Do you want me to call you?? j/k LOL

I think that you are just in a slump. Everything hit you at once and that is tough to overcome. You just need to get your crippled ass out and dancing again at Buzz:)

I am going to Deep Dish, which is not until 9/27 so you have no excuses!!!

I think a night out would really liven your mood. Sorry we do not live closer...I am a bmore babe! Not sure where you are?

i have a friends wedding to go to on the 28th in nc. so i'll have to take a rain check. but thanks. :) i live in woodbridge by the way. a few miles south of dc. you're totally right, ive just being slumming. ive already got plans in place to bring me up after my ankle is all better. ive already started working out again, just doing sit ups now. but that is making me really happy, i plan on working out so much that i dont have time to worry about stupid shit. i hope that works. :) if not i'll be back on here bitching and asking for more advice. :)

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Well, this thread seems to have taken a different track now... but I think it's perfectly normal for feelings/priorities/etc. to be unbalanced at times in a relationship. You don't have to put your feelings on the back burner -- by all means, express them -- but you do have to accept the fact that they won't always be reciprocated 100%.

In a serious relationship, it is simply not possible to be happy with everything all the time... and I think that expecting constant happiness is part of what brings a lot of relationships down.

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Originally posted by jroo

should you ever put your feelings on the back burner for someone you're dating? should you bring it up? would that only piss off the most perfect person of your dreams?

im guessing that your happiness should come first , period. but why is it so hard after you get into a serious relationship to be happy with everything all the time?

i say yes.

putting your feeling aside is okay so long as you you also don't keep them there

address them with the person you love when it's a good time

just leaving them aside without sharing them and working them out leaves them to fester

not good

it's difficult to be happy with everything all the time when you're in a serious relationship because now your happiness is not longer rooted solely in your self

you've empowered something outside of you with the ability to make or break your happiness

since you can't ever control that other person, you can't adjust the amount of happiness you get

since she's in a transitional period of her life, even though you're not in college with her, you get to experience some of that transition as well

keep trusting her, don't sweet her gf who wants to troll about looking for guys

when your ankle gets better go visit her and show her a kickass time, take her around as much as you can while you're there so everyone can see you together

a girl in love will be happy to have her man in town and introduce him to all her friends

show her how much you care and everyone at her school will see that you guys have the real thing

when you're home, she'll have those memories and thoughts to smile about and all her friends will even remind her of how great you were and how it was nice to meet you

:)

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Guest jroo
Originally posted by pandora1305

putting your feeling aside is okay so long as you you also don't keep them there

address them with the person you love when it's a good time

just leaving them aside without sharing them and working them out leaves them to fester

not good

it's difficult to be happy with everything all the time when you're in a serious relationship because now your happiness is not longer rooted solely in your self

you've empowered something outside of you with the ability to make or break your happiness

since you can't ever control that other person, you can't adjust the amount of happiness you get

since she's in a transitional period of her life, even though you're not in college with her, you get to experience some of that transition as well

keep trusting her, don't sweet her gf who wants to troll about looking for guys

when your ankle gets better go visit her and show her a kickass time, take her around as much as you can while you're there so everyone can see you together

a girl in love will be happy to have her man in town and introduce him to all her friends

show her how much you care and everyone at her school will see that you guys have the real thing

when you're home, she'll have those memories and thoughts to smile about and all her friends will even remind her of how great you were and how it was nice to meet you

:)

:) i am going down there this weekend. in an hour i'll start my drive. you're totally right. i will be the best guy ever when i get down there. just to be with her , meet her friends, see what its like down there. ive already sent her flowers when she first got down there. i cant wait till this is over. i dont think that i can take 4 years of this. :(

also HOKE about what you said about things. before she left i cant even explain the happiness i had. she made me feel so secure so loved, like i was the greatest thing on earth, the best boyfriend ever, sexy, we even talked about marriage, she gave me a promise ring. and i got her a ring a few months before that. im not kidding. we have never fought. she fixed one thing once when i all did was ask her to explain it to me. its such a change that its mind-bending.

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Originally posted by jroo

also HOKE about what you said about things. before she left i cant even explain the happiness i had. she made me feel so secure so loved, like i was the greatest thing on earth, the best boyfriend ever, sexy, we even talked about marriage, she gave me a promise ring. and i got her a ring a few months before that. im not kidding. we have never fought. she fixed one thing once when i all did was ask her to explain it to me. its such a change that its mind-bending.

Proving my point... things can be wonderful for sure, but not ALL the time...

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Guest jroo
Originally posted by hoke

Proving my point... things can be wonderful for sure, but not ALL the time...

:) hahahaha, fuck man. there's the rub. always a fucking rub. i'm going to just start accepting things the way they are. take my brain out of the loop. my mind is too fucking idle right now. i cant wait to just be able to dance again!!!!!!!!

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Just give it some time...things always work themselves out eventually. However, I think that if something is really bothering you about your relationship, you should speak up about it. Maybe your girlfriend dosn't know that you feel this way or to what extent this bothers you. Hang in there:)

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Guest jroo
Originally posted by legend38

Is she a freshman? I hope not.

yeah, she's a freshman. whats up?

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