New Miami Driving Test (joke)

[stogiey2k2]

WELCOME TO MIAMI.... I LOVE YOU, MIAMI!!!

For those of you who are not "fortunate" enough to live in South

Florida,

here is

a copy of the Miami/Fort Lauderdale Driver's Exam, and for those of

you

who do,

study real hard. This is a new exam. Since driving conditions and

culture

are unique

in South Florida, you may not have realized that the Dade and

Broward

County

Department of Motor Vehicles has now issued a special application

and

driver's

test solely for the South Florida Metropolitan Area.

GREATER MIAMI / FORT LAUDERDALE AREA DRIVER'S LICENSE APPLICATION:

Name:___________________________ Stage name: _____________________

Agent:___________________________ Attorney:________________________

Therapist name:____________________________________________________

Sex: _____male _____female _____formerly male _____formerly female

____both

*If female, indicate breast implant size:

_________________________________

Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a

motor vehicle

in any way? Yes___________ No _____________

Please list brand of cell phone:

________________________________________

*If you don't own a cell phone, please explain:

_____________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Please check hair color:

Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Blue rinse [ ] Red

Males: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde [ ] Blue rinse [ ] Red

Teenagers: [ ] Pink [ ] Orange [ ] Green [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ]

Skinhead

Please check activities you perform while driving: (Check all that

apply)

[ ] Eating [ ] Drinking Starbucks coffee [ ] Applying make-up

[ ] Shaving (male or female) [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids

in

the back-seat

[ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting

cocaine (already

checked for your convenience) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading South Beach

Magazine

[ ] Surfing the net via laptop [ ] Discharging firearms / Reloading

Please indicate how many times:

a) you expect to shoot at other drivers

____________________________________

you expect to be shot at while driving

__________________________________

If you are the victim of a carjacking, you should immediately:

a) Call the police to report the crime.

Call Channel 7 News to report the crime, then track your car on the

news in a

high-speed chase.

c) Call your attorney and discuss lawsuit against cellular phone

company

for 911

call not going through.

d) Call your therapist.

In the event of a hurricane, you should :

a) stop your car

keep driving and hope for the best.

c) immediately use your cell phone to call all loved ones.

d) pull out your video camera and obtain footage for Channel 7

e) camp out under a bridge on the I-95.

f) Head down Alligator Alley at 120mph, horn blaring.

Please indicate number of therapy sessions per week:

______________________

Are you presently taking any of the following medications?

a) Prozac e) Valium

Zovirax f) Zoloft

c) Lithium g) All of the above

d) Zanax h) None of the above

*If none, please explain: _____________________________________________

Length of daily commute:

a) Less than 1 hour d) 3 hours

1 hour e) 4 hours

c) 2 hours

* If less than 1 hour, please explain:

_____________________________________

When stopped by police, you should:

a) pull over and have your driver's license and insurance form ready.

try to outrun them by driving the wrong way on the I-95.

c) have your video camera ready and provoke them to attack, thus

ensuring

yourself of a hefty lawsuit.

When turning, you should always signal your intentions by:

a) using your directional signals.

what is a "directional signal"?

Which part of your car will wear out most often?

a) the wiper blades

the belts

c) the horn

The "bright" setting on your headlights is for:

a) dark, poorly lit roads

flashing to get the car ahead to move out of the way

c) revenge!

Your rear view mirror is for:

a) watching for approaching cars

watching for approaching police cars

c) checking your hair

In the instance of rain, you should:

a) never drive over 5 MPH.

drive twice as fast as usual.

c) drive into the nearest canal.