She hurts me :(

[phuturephunk]

Originally posted by jonyquest

She has been reading this post and i hope that she will talk to me again later... hey guys... she is really nice to me and she got me to stop smoking and drinking and she helped me move out of my parents house and i have cry in her shoulder..... its really hard for me to say peace that easy... why do i do this to myself????

. . . son, you need to go out and get laid . . . It'll help you put things into perspective . . . . .`

[phuturephunk]

Originally posted by jonyquest

laid really has nothing to do with it.. i have not had laid in a long time... i want to wait till i get married... i have a little more than 2 years without it..

. . . well, you need to go out and participate in an activity that's gonna give you the satisfaction of being 'wanted' by the opposite sex. . cause that's a big part of whats hurting you right now . . . whether it be the full monty or just some action, you gotta get out there and feel validated as a male . .

[candeo]

Originally posted by jonyquest

Tonight she ask me to go to her place to watch TV at her place... i'm thinking about hitting the road.....

SHould i??????????????????

Definitely, dude. You guys could have been platonic friends, but it seems your attraction to her gets in the way of that. As long as you're both on different pages on where you want to be in the relationship, it can't be a healthy one.

[phuturephunk]

Originally posted by jonyquest

we do get along really well and we have atons in common and she is very easy to talk to... i knwo we can be the best of friends but she is so damm sexy... you know that kind of girl that looks good even after she just woke up from bed and she is in her boxers and a t=shirt..... that is her......

. . . Listen, we can all play ring-around-the-rosey till the cows come home but that aint gonna get us anywhere . . . you need to go out and feel validated as a male, plain and simple . . You need something that can take your mind off of this for a time so that you can accurately put her back in the position of 'friend' inside your soul . . if you refuse to do this, you've got nothing waiting for you except agony . . trust me, I've been there . . .

[perns2002]

Ahhhhhhhhhhh Love so bitter sweet, that is my thought on this......................

[phuturephunk]

Originally posted by jonyquest

ok......... validation as a male eh??? i need to get her to stop thinking of her as more than a friend by going out there and putting my resume out there

you said you been there.... how did you handle it? what was the end like?

is it worth losing a friend ?

. . no no, you missed me . . . You need to get out there and sow your male oats so that you can hang with the psychobable that chick friends are gonna dish to you . .ya dig? . . .

[phuturephunk]

Originally posted by jonyquest

you lost me after oats bro man...... can you break it down in terms that i can understand.... :confused: :confused:

. . . You have to go out there and FUCK AROUND WITH THEM . . . understand?? . . like get 'action' . . pussy . .whatever the fuck you want to call it . . . You need to get it . .so when the ones who aren't gonna give it to you call up with their problems, you'll be calm, and satisfied enough to deal . . . understand? . . .

[tastey]

first, jon, phunk is right... get out there and get yourself the experience and the knowledge so that WHEN you happen to find "the one", you KNOW how to get her and PLEASE her both emotionally AND sexual!! (btw: never tell a girl that you haven´t had sex for 2 years. they will tell you how sweet that is and go for the guy that is sexual experienced AND speaks to her emotions)

second, phunk, taking the "loner" post in consideration, i would suggest you´d follow your own advise you give in this thread here

seriously, next time i´m in america i´ll drop you a line and we´ll meet. then you tell me about yourself and i´ll take you through some approaches and i promise you WILL get action that night. i´ll take what you give me, i will NOT lie about you, just sell it the right way. now don´t come with "i don´t want anything that is staged". it is not. see, it is not appropriate to let a girl know that you are a fantastic lover , however when *i´m* with you and *i* tell (true) stories about you and you play it down (cause *you* don´t want to brag ) or to say it better, talk with you a lá "remember that party where we sneaked in the VIP area and won the karaoke contest and when we should have collected the price they found out that our names weren´t even on the list and we ran out the backstage exit and laughed our asses off", when *i* "brag" about you it´s OKAY !

chicks will get intrigued and ask themselves "what´s the real guy like?" and will go on and get to know YOU. *then* it depends on you, just keep it positive.

try this next time when you´re talking with a girl:

GET HORNY FOR HER with your actions, NOT your words. but get horny for her, give her horny eyes, look at her lips occasionaly, be as close to her, have the tonality and touch her as you would do if you were ALREADY lovers (that doesn´t mean go for tits immediately, but you get the meaning). then talk about random stuff whatever comes to your mind (=don´t verbalize your desire, let your "state" do that, remember, words do only 7% of actual communication), STILL stay horny for her ALL THE TIME. she WILL get this vibe, believe me !

and when you give this vibe out, the girls know you´re not there (only) for a friendship. and when they come talk to you, and when they get alone with you when you give off that vibe, they KNOW what will happen, and that is: you, her and a warm fuzzy carpet in front of a warm and calming fireplace in a comfortable little house in the woods, snow outside, kissing passionately for hours and hours

give it a try and tell me what happened, feel free to pm me if you want to.

[velvetgoldmire]

From what I've read, what you can do is relinquish your fantasy. You're pushing so hard for her that it's pushing her away. Learn patience and things will come to you. It doesn't seem like she's the one that needs to wake up. You can't let the idea of her go. On one hand, you're obsessing about being with her, because she seems so wonderful to you. Then, she leaves, and you're concerned about losing what you had in her friendship. Then, when she shows the slightest inkling of wanting to clear things up, you're back to wanting her as your intimate mate. And... you're airing it all on a messege board that she has been reading. So I ask you... who is really making who miserable here? She seemed antsy from the beginning, for one reason or another, but it seems to have taken a while for her to feel comfortable and trusting of you, and when she finally does, you tell her that you want to be with her and nothing else.

You did really sweet things, like flowers and chocolates, and maybe it wasn't smart of her to accept it, since it could be seen as leading on, but she could have justified it by thinking that you were just being a really sweet guy. The problem is, you were doing it all as a buildup, and it seems, expectations to have her as your girl.

If you cannot stand the thought of her being with another guy, and she doesn't have any desire whatsoever to be intimate with you, you have two choices:

1) get over your obsession with her (which, is hard when it comes to the heart)

or

2) Get the hell out of there, for both of your sake, and come back at a point when she doesn;t seem like the goddess Aphrodite hersefl to you

It sounds like you need to do a lot of work on yourself. Go out. Have fun. Tell YOURSELF (not from other people for validation) that you're good looking, and that you're a great guy. Hang out with friends. Go out, stay busy, and do anything not to think about her.

Let her make the decision. It's the way things go... you made the offer, she can accept or decline. She does not have to accpet, and the more you shove it down her throat, the less she is going to want to be with you. She obviously does think you're a great guy, otherwise she wouldn't be friends with you. But, that doesn't mean that she thinks you're the guy for her.

She's not worth the pain you seem to be going through, and you need to stop torturing yourself. Don't turn into an asshole. Keep on developing yourself, and things will fall into place for you.

[tastey]

DUDE! i´m COMPLETELY serious now, read it with me OUT LOUD:

*get* *rid* *of* *this* *girl*

blah blah just wants to talk via email, and she´s giving you SOME points, SHE´S DANGLING THAT CARROT ON THE STICK IN FRONT OF YOU! AGAIN!! and the good DONKEY you are you FOLLOW!

DON´T DO IT! make a CLEAN cut and get her OUT of your life. it WILL be hard in the first couple of weeks but when you´re OVER it, you´ll look back and it will seem like you just woke up out of a NIGHTMARE!

if you STILL want to stay with her, then you probably deserve it.

and "sue", if you´re reading: you deserve to have your heart broken to feel what it´s like what the guy is feeling.

i think the analogy for women TO UNDERSTAND what it´s like is this:

a female was telling me that she has sex with this guy and he refuses to be INTIMATE with her. what i mean is he will fuck her in all her holes, eat her out, make her cum... ALL THAT STUFF... then when he is on a couch and she comes to cuddle with him, he pushes her away. he won't spend ANY quality time with her at all. she is just his fuck-toy and she knows it. i am not even talking about he fucks her and doesn't TAKE HER OUT or BUY HER ANYTHING! he won't show her ANY loving gestures whatsoever. i would IMAGINE that she feels the same way a GUY feels when he pours his heart out for a woman, takes her places, does things for her, calls her, listens to her problems, does EVERYTHING he can think of to make her life better... and she doesn't even have the common COURTESY to throw him a little consolation-pussy

[phuturephunk]

. . . dude, you're walking the very thin line between being broken hearted and having a restraining order taken out against you . . I suggest you move on with your life . . . it'll be better for both parties in the long run . . .

[velvetgoldmire]

I agree. You need to walk away from this situation. It's not good for you, and it's not good for her. Make the choice to walk away. It will still be painful, but you will be able to get through it. It's great that you think she needs a nice guy, but for the love of god, stop torturing yourself!

[georgym]

Originally posted by velvetgoldmire

I agree. You need to walk away from this situation. It's not good for you, and it's not good for her. Make the choice to walk away. It will still be painful, but you will be able to get through it. It's great that you think she needs a nice guy, but for the love of god, stop torturing yourself!

I 3rd the motion.

and when you said "she does not like me physically, metally or emotionally in her words..", what else does it take to understand the hint?

Seriously dude, leave her. It's only going to cause you strife and pain if you stay with her. If she really cares about you, she'll call you/email you. You don't want to be doing 90% of the pursuing.

Oh, and by the way,,, ever think that you're too good for this girl:confused:

[scaredgirl]

Originally posted by jonyquest

do you guys really think i'm too nice for this girl.....?

I have given it though and i said to myself.. damm dude... if i was here and i had a dude like this that has respecte d everything and well he is not really my type but he is so damm honest and so sweet and he told his sad story to already 500 streangers who most of them tell them to leave me... shit... i would take that dude... thats a good man.. but woman sure are funny.. i'm too good for her.. you damm right

Its been too long to care.... she game me the time out and we can only chat on email... well, shit ... what me i a 5 year old to go sit in teh corner.. do i have to perform a miracle and be everything you want in a man for you to look at me and i still have to put up with all your games?

YOU WOMAN DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT?????

YOU CONPLAIN WE R AFTER THE ASS..... WHAT DO YA WANT????

YOU WANT A DUDE THAT IS CHEATING ON YOU OR HE IS MARRIED AND HE GOT YOU ON THE SIDE OR YOU WANT ONE THAT ONLY WANTS TO GET NAKED WITH YOU AND LEAVE YOU ALONE WONDERING WHEN HE WILL CALL BACK.???

PLEASE GIRL... TELL ME WHAT DO YOU WANT??????

dont take it bad what i will say ok ? but u should stop talking about this,u are giving to much credit to her at writing all this is,

if u know she is reading this u should stop because now she is really feeling so important,forget about her there is tons of chick around here and we all deserve someone who dosnt play with our fellings,so lets change the subject and be happy,smile u are a nice guy,enough about this chick ..............

[velvetgoldmire]

Dude, you have really flipped your lid here. She does not want you, but she doesn't want you to hurt either. ell her that you need to take time away from her to work things out. Don't hold anything against her, don't leave with any bad feelings, because it's really nobody's fault. Chill out, though.

[cranberries04]

Originally posted by jonyquest

during these nine months i had a lot of friends tell me how the admire and respect me keeping going at it like i have.. all of them have been reading this and they all are waiting for me to cry....... they know how hard i felt for her..

we all want what we can't have..

I personally don't want it anymore.... i should be thankfull she is not holding amsomething.. who cares.... you should be thankfull i met me.... guys like me dont' grow on trees....

I'm want to find me a girl:) but for now i just want to have fun.. enough looking for the one... the one is not out there yet.. she is not...... so i will wait..

:goofy: Jon- Dont sweat it hun.. I kno how u feel about her, but i have told you that u can't keep doing this to urself... let things be.. you will find that special girl that will love you and take care of you. she will be the most amazing person to you. you are a really sweet guy and i dunt want to see u like this man... Brighter days will come... let her be the way that she wants to be.. that is all i have to say about that... i agree with everyone and sweetie u need to move on..... u kno that i am here always to listen to you and to help u in any way possible... you kno where to find me...! just remember what i said... i dunt want to see anything bad to happen to you... your too sweet of a person to be hurt like this... Anyways, you know where to find me.. Muah....

[cool2223423123]

This was my post before I read all the rest of the messages....

Tell her that you love her and you want to fuck her brains out. Then if you're with her, attempt to make a move on her and see what she does. Tell her this, but don't give any more flowers or chocolates or any of that shit under any circumstances. She is just using you bro. Tell her you want to fuck, her, tell her you love her. She'll either give in, or draw away from you, and talk to you less, but at least it will be clear that it is her decision.

In the meantime, find 2 or 3 other girlfriends and get laid. This alone may make her interested in you.

You can't go on. It's best if you make things clear as early as possible, because if she doesn't want you, it's best to break, it off, and get over her. Fuck being friends. Try to bone her every time you're with her. I bet if you're overtly sexual she'll do you - or she'll stop inviting you over. But no more candy and supplication. Give her the choice of BEING WITH YOU on YOUR TERMS, or being without you.

[cool2223423123]

he... maybe I am being a little strong here yet if the choice is between being an asshole and being a nice guy, be an asshole or you will just get screwed.

Ideally you can get what you want without supplicating. Just get with the right girls.

But whatever you do, you know who you are, and nothing you say or do can change that. Unfortunately I think we need to understand relationships a bit better. What is the real difference between being friends and being boyfriend/girlfriend??

Do we even know???????

[LogiKandReasoN]

Originally posted by jonyquest

i must be really old fahion or prick but WHAT HAPPEND TO WINNING A WOMANS HEART?????

dude, time to let go. Really, it is. Don't even answer this post (I read teh whole convo), just stop talking, go outside and walk somewhere. Buy a drink and smoke a cigarette. Seriously, its time to let it go.

[georgym]

Originally posted by jonyquest

i must be really old fahion or prick but WHAT HAPPEND TO WINNING A WOMANS HEART?????

YEs, but when a girl deserves it. She obviously (right now at least) doesn't deserve THAT from YOU now. Who knows what will happen in the future.

But at least you did get her chocolates and other things. Trust me, she WILL remember that. You did your part. You tried to be the sweet guy. BUt she didn't want it from you. Now leave her be, and go on with your life.

[tastey]

Originally posted by jonyquest

i must be really old fahion or prick but WHAT HAPPEND TO WINNING A WOMANS HEART?????

believe it or not, you win a women´s heart by behaing like cool123123423423, i and others on the same branch suggested.

why not try it intead of whining for hours and hours?

read THIS and LEARN. it was when i read THIS site that i noticed i had to do something different. you don´t have to be as extreme as this, but i hope you get the overall ATTITUDE !

cool, read this and you´ll be , promised

ah what the heck, i´ll make new thread for it called "the deacon effect - how to be the jerk women love"

[dancerwannabe]

Jon, don't help her out!!!! No, no,no!!! let it be! You're not over her and you know it...Ask a friend or recommend someone but don't go help her yourself, you're just letting her used you if you do! Take care! You're such a sweetheart!

[fouroneone]