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Crazy Ass Shroom Story

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I just read this guys shrooming exp from shroomery.org.... Crazy ass fucking story take the time to read it.

First, Let me assure you that I am a very experienced "psyconaut". Over the last 20+ years I have had well over, well lets just say lots of experiences with various psyco-active substances with just about as many different results. Some good and some not so good. Some euphoric and some tense. Some enlightening and some just depressing. But nothing I ever did even comes close to this one. This isn't your average trip report as if any level 5 experience could be called average. In fact, its not so much about a trip itself as it is about a series of events that may or may not have happened. I'm not sure this should be classified as a true level 5 experience. But it was an experience of the most profound kind, one that has change my life and the way I view the world and everything in it. This story is going to be long so please bear with me if you will and let me try to explain, then you can be the judge.

It was any old Tuesday evening; I finished for the most part whatever household chores needed to be done. I made dinner, helped the kids with their homework then got them off to bed. My wife had left for work a few hours earlier and I had the house to myself for the night. It was only about 10pm and I had been thinking about doing this all day so after a not so long debate with myself:) I decided to go ahead and do a few grams of some really nice PES Hawaiian I had stashed for just such an occasion. It wasn't too much, What I would call a nice "thinking" dose, about 4 grams. I blended them up in some OJ and drank them down. I took a walk around the house, checked the locks and the kids. Everything was cool so I put on some music and lay down on the bed in the spare bedroom that I like to hang out in when I do this. As I could feel it coming on I was looking up at the ceiling I could see the plant hanger above the bed. The newly sprouted morning glories where leaning towards the east facing window ready to grab dawns first light. That was the last intact memory I had of anything that happened before well..., what happened.

My next memory is me on all fours, heaving violently in the middle of the floor. More violent than I had ever experienced. It was more than just normal vomiting. It was more a convulsion with spasms and contractions that lasted for what seemed like hours though I can not say how long it lasted. I remember my face lying on the floor in what seemed to be a river of vomit unable to move as if in some state of paralysis. My nose was clogged with mucus and I was having trouble breathing. The pain was absolutely excruciating and the convulsions just seemed to go on and on without letting up.

I don't remember leaving that room but somehow I made it to the bathroom in our bedroom. I was lying on the floor crying and sobbing, praying that it would stop, as I just couldn't bear anymore. The pain was incredible and the convulsive contractions in my abdomen just would not stop. Slipping In and out of consciousness, as it seemed, I vaguely remember some nightmarish visions of a horrible struggle. It seemed timeless and everlasting, a never-ending battle on some far away battlefield. A battle that would never be won but could never end. At some point I made it to my feet and looked around in the bedroom. It was dark, the only light coming from the bathroom. I strained to look to see if my wife was there. I called out to her, but she did not answer. I was feeling somewhat desperate by now. I didn't know what had happened. Everything seemed very strange. I didn't know what time or day it was and I couldn't be sure where I was or even who I was for sure. Mucus continued to run from my nose and breathing was becoming more difficult as if my airway was being closed off. Now at about this point something happened but I didn't remember enough of it until a little later to comprehend its meaning, rather interpret its meaning would be more accurate perhaps, so I'll get back to that a little later.

The next thing I know I'm coming too, curled up on the bathroom floor. Shivering and sweating at the same time. I was drenched in sweat. I made it to my feet and put my head in the sink. I was sticking my fingers down my throat to try and force water down. My mouth was totally parched and the glands in my throat where so swollen that I could not swallow. Breathing was still a little difficult. Somehow I managed to get some water down and began to take grasp of reality again. I suddenly discovered I was naked but could not remember taking off my clothes or why I did so. A horrible feeling of dread came over me. I knew then that something horrible had happened. That feeling of dread I could never describe. I couldn't remember anything. Slowly I began to recall a few events then suddenly I had this horrible feeling that something happened to the kids. Something about one of them in particular (I'll call him J, he's 8) made me feel especially uneasy. Still somewhat in a delirium and naked I walked past his bedroom that he shares with his older brother (I'll call him E). I glanced inside afraid to look but it seemed quiet and I saw no sign of anything to cause immediate alarm so I walked down the hall to the living room. When I got there I found the dining room table moved over to one side of the room and all the chairs knocked over. Even worse the youngest boy 2 (I'll call him S) was out and had climbed on top of the table trying to get an apple from the kitchen counter. He must have waked sometime during the night I'm thinking and got out of bed. God only knows how long he'd been out wondering around but he seemed ok so I moved on to the next problem. I knew then I needed to get my wife home to help me sort out what happened. I tried dialing the phone but couldn't remember the cell number in fact at some point I even lost the phone under the bed and could not find it. I needed help, so I grabbed a towel and wrapped it best I could around me and went to wake my oldest son(11) E. He looked at me quite strangely and could tell immediately that some thing was very wrong. I told him that it was an emergency and that I needed him to get his mom on the phone and tell her to get home quick. He's a good kid and quick thinker in a pinch so I knew I could count on him. I told him I lost the phone and after some discussion as to what course of action to take he decided to email her a message on the cell. Great thinking I tell him and he proceeded to do so. Suddenly he stops to ask if I tried the phone in the bedroom(the other line) and I feeling really stupid and not knowing how to explain myself, could only say I forgot about it. He managed to do what I could not and got his mom on the phone. She works only a few blocks away so she would be home in about 5 minutes. It seemed forever for her to get there and all the time I was thinking of J. I was very worried about J and was afraid to wake him if I could. That horrible thought that I might not be able to wake him came over me and I couldn't remember why which made it even worse. I just knew J was or is in danger.

Finally she arrived and I began telling her what I could. Something horrible has happened but I can’t remember anything. The first thing she needed to do was to go check J. I told her. I think I may have hurt him or something bad may have happened to him and that she needed to talk to him. She immediately went to his bedside and woke him up. He was groggy but coherent enough to answer her questions. He apparently slept through the entire night and had no idea that anything happened at all. I felt very relieved he was ok but rather foolish and puzzled by my seemingly unfounded fears. Over the next couple hours I settled down and did what I could to piece the night together. Between about 10pm and 4am something happened like never before. Only fragments of time could be accounted for. What happened and why, I had to know. That night as far as I could figure must have been caused by something I had done. Was it contaminates in the shrooms? Where some of the shrooms way more potent than I had anticipated. One too many shots of bourbon? Nothing seemed to add up. I've done shrooms from the same batch with no problems at all. I've done much more on previous occasions with nowhere near that effect. Something different happened this time but I could not remember.

As I'm lying on the living room floor trying to piece the night together and telling my wife(G) as much as I could remember I began to recall a facet of the events that transpired. Now this is the part that I said I would tell you about later. This is also the point at which I would call this a level 5 trip if not beyond. I am for the most part very skeptical of stories of this nature but now I have one of my own. I'm standing just outside the bathroom door in our bedroom and I'm looking for G. I remember this horrible feeling of finality overcoming me. I think I was not as much looking for help but to say goodbye. I suddenly feel very, very alone. My room doesn't seem as my room. A pain shoots though my left arm. I grab my arm and think to myself "oh fuck, this is how it will end". Those probably are not exact words, as I don't believe at that time I was actually thinking in terms of words but the thoughts were along those lines. Now, if I was not in cardiac arrest it was surely some sort of severe pulmonary distress. What ever it was it was not good. I believe it was at that time I collapsed on the bathroom floor for the last time. I can recall a vision of myself lying curled up on a cold "marble" slab with like spotlights shining down on me. Nearby were a few broken pillars of Roman or Greek design(classic huh?). All around me was infinite darkness. Somewhere in the darkness I could hear voices but couldn't make out enough to understand what they were saying. They seemed like whispers echoing in eternity. I was dead or very near it. It seemed as if I could have been there for a thousand years but that would be putting measure to something quite immeasurable. The next thing I know I'm being plopped on the ground like a wet rag. Like I described to my wife that night, I felt as if I had been given birth to, by a Giraffe! If you've ever seen a giraffe giving birth you would know what I mean. That’s when I started coming to and the rest I've told you. Remembering and/or understanding that experience would have at any other time been life affirming and rejuvenating even. But this time, voids remained that meaning couldn't bridge.

The rest of the night was somewhat uneventful. The only thing that comes to mind, around 5am or so after things settled down J called out from his room. We ran to his room. He said he woke up and saw a spider crawling up the wall just above his head. Well we saw nothing when we got to him so I said don't worry. I retrieved a bottle of insecticide sprayed behind his bed where he said it went. I told him he could sleep in our bed that night since there was so little of it left (the night that is) and it seemed of little consequence.

As day light broke I walked around to survey any damage that may have occurred. The room where I heaved what seemed like gallons had only a few spots of barely anything. Just a little oj with a couple chunks of shrooms. The pants I wore that night had been tossed aside here but still I can not remember removing them or why. I was getting very tired it was about 9am or so I laid back down on the bed where it all seemed to start from. I was becoming more aware of the multiple contusions that were inflicted that night. My head, knees and elbows were all bruised. There was one curious wound on my foot I could not explain and passed it off as a rug burn. Just a small scrape on the knuckle of my big toe. As the morning pressed on I drifted off into an uneasy sleep. I saw in my twilight state a white glowing mushroom. It had a mouth with rows of razor sharp pointed teeth lashing out at whatever strayed to near. I'm thinking to myself that this isn't over yet as I fall off into an all to familiar nightmare. The rest of that day I sat around thinking trying to understand the night before. I felt very drained and every joint in my body ached like never before. My diaphragm was so sore I dared not cough as I thought I would just die from the pain. I felt hungry which I took as a good sign but eating was difficult because my throat was still swollen and sore. I went to bed early that night and again had dreams of dread.

As the next couple days dragged on I could think of little else but that night. It was becoming somewhat of an obsession. Never in all my days had I ever blacked out like that. Especially under the influence of a "psychedelic". I have always retained near perfect memory of the events and often recorded them in a journal afterward. This thing is going to haunt me till I figure it out if that's even possible, I think to myself. I decided then that I would take the family to go visit my mother and grandparents for the weekend. It would be good to get out of the house for a while and I had some personal business to attend to anyway. Nothing of too much significance happened there except that I really began to notice that this feeling of fatigue was still hanging on. Now at Grandmas house its three meals a day, early to bed and early to rise. I thought I should have caught up on my sleep and rest after three days of that but still I felt tired, unable to find any kind of spark of enthusiasm about anything. One other thing that bothered me was when I was going to bed that first night there and as I was taking off my shoes I commented to G that, the rug burn was still oozing (5 days now) and a strange smell was coming from my foot (or feet as I thought then). Ok that might not be all too unusual:) but I had on clean socks and almost new shoes. I had noticed it before but I was wearing work shoes and didn't think much of it and I was sure the ooze would stop soon. We returned Monday night and I felt good for having gone for the visit but glad to be home(enough goodness and Christian family values for now:) ). That night the uneasiness came back as before and I spent another restless night.

Well, Tuesday arrived and a week has now passed. I know no more now than I did last week. It quite literally was driving me nuts. Tonight I am going to face this thing. I wait till the kids are asleep. G is in bed watching a movie. I feel better knowing she will be home this time cause I'm not sure what to expect. I tell her what I am doing so she will keep an ear perked. I've never been scared of these mushrooms before but I have to say I am now. I figure its time to saddle up and ride off to confront what ever demons I must to end this nightmare. I didn't completely do this with the belief that I would solve anything but more with the thought that to have a good experience again might help set me back on the right track. I reach deep into the stash and pulled out a very cautious 4 grams of some equadors. These are IMO a little milder and more forgiving than the PES. It also would help to rule out the contamination theory since they were completely separate at all times. I make my usual oj shake and down they go. I wait around watching TV for about an hour or so and then I go back to the bedroom for a think sesh. Now I know that most of you that have hung on for this long probably picked up on the clues that had been staring me in the face all week. But for those as blind as myself and still willing to listen I'll tell the rest of this story. As I'm lying there on that very bed and out of nowhere I think ENVENOMATION! I see a spider and then lots of spiders as I lie there with my eyes closed. I suddenly don't want to have my eyes closed any more as the feeling is very creepy. I hate spiders! I have had nightmares about spiders before and I would rather be buried in a pit of snakes than have an encounter with a spider. That being said, I start thinking, is this possible? A spider bit me? Where? When? How? Then I as if in a dream recall a vague memory of some creepy spider. I seem to be trying to kill it. It’s in the hallway just out side the boy’s bedroom. I'm clawing at the ground fighting to get the spider before I am completely incapacitated. I can hardly move and I'm gasping and reaching to kill this creepy spider. I have a faint recollection of the baby chasing after it and laughing at the thing. I push him away and I remember no more. HOLY SHIT! Now I know why I was so worried about J! It wasn't that I did something! That creepy fucking spider was heading straight for him and I can do nothing to help him. I don't remember every piece of that but enough fragments to figure that it happened something like that. My God it’s coming back to me. The absolute horror of it all. Now I know why I took off my pants. I must have saw it, felt it or thought I felt it crawling up my leg or in my pants. They were loose fitting shorts so it would have been easy for it to happen. Still I don't remember doing that but it is easy to assume that's why I did. Suddenly I thought of the boys asleep in their room. I know its been a week and the spider has probably long since moved on by now if I didn't get it with the spray that night, but why take a chance like that. And Oh yeah, remember J waking up to see the spider that night! What on earth made him wake up to see that? Something more than I can understand is at work here I believe. Anyway I get them up and move them to the couch in the living room for the night and tell them what I had remembered. They both readily agreed that the couch was a good idea and I assured them I would tear their room apart and spray the next day(as I did). I asked them if they had any memories of that night that could help me remember more. J didn't remember anything more than the spider he saw but E said that he thought he heard a scream and that he may have dreamed something about me being on top of the table with a jar. He sleep walks a lot and if he heard some commotion he may have been in that state and got up and see something like that though I'll admit that's sketchy at best. That might explain the table being moved and the chairs tipped over if I had been chasing a spider under the table. As for the scream I can assure you without doubt that if I felt getting bit and saw the spider or even if I just saw the spider crawling on me, in my pants or what have you I would have let out a holler something fierce. Especially in my condition at the time. Being in that state does not increase my appreciation for arachnids of any kind. Now I am sitting in the living room talking to the boys about that creepy spider and I still cant figure out where it bit me. Where's the bite mark? Surely it would still be visible. I'm feeling around the back of my neck. I take off my shirt and look up my pants leg but no real mark. Then like a brick out of hell it hits me square on the head. MY TOE, that oozing wound! That strange smell. At that very moment a clap of thunder from a thunderstorm that just blew in rattled the windows, it was eerie, kind of like a sign from above that I solved the puzzle. No shit, it really happened like that, No dramatics, just the facts. That sealed the case for me. It wasn't something I did or did wrong. It was some damn creepy spider that bit me. It seems to be just coincidence that it happened when I decided to shroom that night. I felt somewhat absolved of any misdoing and in a sense vindicated as I have always been so careful with doses, contams and whatnot, and experienced enough not to do something so stupid to screw me up like that. That night had really shaken my confidence in many ways and three weeks later I'm still not over it completely.

The next question was what kind of spider would do that? Researching franticly the next day I figured it must have been a brown recluse one of only two known spiders to be poisonous to humans in the US. Black widows being the other. I have seen both here at the house so I know they're here. For many reasons I need not list, I eliminated the black widow as the suspect spider and settled on the fast, brown spider that I kind of remember and that J could kind of Identify. The bite mark also indicated a recluse, red, swollen, slow healing, oozing and cratered. I didn't see any reference to the peculiar smell however, humm, go figure:) I'll have to look further into that. I found that in only ten percent of the cases where venom was actually injected by the recluse did the wound go into necrosis. After 8 days my wound finally stopped oozing and began to heal. Guess I can count myself lucky to avoid skin grafts and/or amputations. I also found that in only rare cases did the recluse venom produce any symptomatic reactions like I had. The symptoms described in those cases seemed to fit well enough to describe my encounter, nausea, vomiting, convulsions, pain, trouble breathing etc.. It was also noted that in those rare cases that stimulants of any kind should not be used in treatment of such cases. Did the mushrooms some how act as a catalyst to intensify and/or speed up the reaction. I'm sure when the use of stimulants was mentioned that it referred to amphetamines and related substances, neither of which I had done. Could the mushrooms have acted as a stimulant in a case like this? The questions go on and on and I still have a long way to go in truly understanding how and why it all happened the way it did.

Now the moment I'm sure all you who have stuck it out this long have been waiting for, My brief(yeah-right) summarization and parting remarks. As best I can piece together a brown recluse spider bit me in the spare bed room as I laid there trying to enjoy a night of light shrooming. A closer examination of the wound later revealed a vein running through the center. I have theorized that providing the spider’s fangs were able to penetrate far enough, the venom may have entered my blood stream directly producing the fast onset and severity of the symptoms. I may never know whether the mushrooms played any role for better or worse in the course of events but will continue to search for the answers. One of the scariest aspects of the ordeal is it seems that I must have been conscious and moving around doing something during at least some of the periods of lost time. What I was thinking, doing or feeling I still cant not remember and probably never will. As for my near death experience, I want to believe it happened. That perhaps I have been put back here for a reason, a task yet to accomplish maybe, I just don't know. The impact of the event real or imagined leaves me with much to consider. As for the spider and any other spiders that reside within the boundaries of my realm, I have been systematically moving every piece of furniture and anything movable leaving behind a blanket of insecticide toxic enough to lay to waste any creature bearing an exoskeleton and armed with six legs or more. Its spider genocide. I seem to have developed a case of arachnophobia:o And finally the saddest part yet that further demonstrates the deep impact of the event. As time passed and I came to grips with the situation(so I thought) I dipped into the stash again. This time going for a 5 to 6 gram blend of various types with the largest portion being my favorite PES Hawaiian. I went to my favorite spot again, turned on the lava lamp, laid down with some music and let it happen. It was fine at first, but as I traveled deeper I came to a place that I feared I might find. A very dark place that seemed to draw out the feelings of dread and fear I felt that night with the spider. When I closed my eyes all I could see was spiders, thousands of them crawling up their sickly webs after me. The shrooms seem to have triggered a panic response. The bright "sparkle" turned dark and sinister. The feelings were very reminiscent of some rather "tense" experiences in my distant past. I sat around and talked with my wife for about an hour or so and brought myself down. It seemed to me that one of the things I liked to do so much might be ruined for who knows how long by that creepy spider. I've decided to wait a long while(a relative term)before trying again. Perhaps a new setting will be needed. It has also left behind some emotional scares. Some personality fragmentation and loss of confidence. Nothing to serious just kind of a nagging strange feeling inside. I remain determined to overcome the events and emerge stronger for having done so. Well, There you have it, My Worst Case Scenario, A trip with a creepy spider.

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That guy is a complete ass! How irresponsible can one person be - tripping while his 3 children are at home and then getting so messed up, he had to call his wife to come home from work and take care of him! Spider bite or not, this guy needs to grow up and save the shrooming for when the kids are at their grandparents' for the weekend. Too bad the spider bite didn't eliminate his stupid ass from the gene pool.

Not saying that you can't have fun after you settle down and have children, but use some common sense and think!

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Originally posted by lizard23

That guy is a complete ass! How irresponsible can one person be - tripping while his 3 children are at home and then getting so messed up, he had to call his wife to come home from work and take care of him! Spider bite or not, this guy needs to grow up and save the shrooming for when the kids are at their grandparents' for the weekend. Too bad the spider bite didn't eliminate his stupid ass from the gene pool.

Not saying that you can't have fun after you settle down and have children, but use some common sense and think!

Well i dont know about hoping he would have die part.. But other wise i agree with you.

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Originally posted by candeo

Wow, I read the whole dag thing. Where's my cookie?!

One thing I noticed in that story is he didn't mention anything about having to go to work that whole time....

hahahahah! yeah i noticed that too! He must be a pimp or somthing becuase he got his wife working and he sits around tripping all day..must be the life ..lol

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another one .......

I rate this as a strong level four but I’ve read a lot more “normal†Level fives. Angry Teddy Bears, Telepathy, Galaxy Travel, Teleporting Dog, Threatening Tikki Dolls, Marching Swastikas, Ego Death and a lot more left me desperately confused and in search for meaning and security. I hope you stay and read the whole thing now...

This is a documentation of what is commonly known as a “bad trip†for lack of a better term. I believe that even the worse trips can be extremely useful and productive, so are they really bad? However, there is a stark difference between a “good trip†and a “bad trip†so the title shall fit until I find a better one. This trip took place on the 19th of January of 2002. Previous to this I had tripped plenty of times, not enough at all to say I was an expert but I was certainly far from a beginner. Every trip before had been completely devoid of negativity and I had usually radiated a joy that was so overwhelmingly positive it is not really possible to describe. Although I knew very well that you could learn a lot from trips, I mostly viewed them light mindedly and flippantly. The experiences had always been so pleasant I basically believed a bad trip would never really happen, a classic case of an invincibility complex. Even so, I was smart enough to know that a trip made you totally unable to interact with the “real world†(parents, jobs, etc.) for quite sometime, so I had abstained from taking a large dose. However, I had constantly referred to a day in which I would take a biblical dose, a time in which I had a very long period of time that I wouldn’t have to interact with the “real worldâ€. Basically all thought of an overdose was alien to me, it didn’t really occur that it could happen to me…after all I had taken Shrooms and “lost control†before and been fine, but I failed to recognize that their was a whole other level of loss of control I had not delved into.

Anyways, the opportunity to have a time and a place in which I could ingest a biblical amount and have that (what was to be) “glorious trip†presented itself.

I had just returned from a trip to beautiful Alaska where I spent much time with my father talking about my family’s tumultuous history. The fact that my family was broken, emotionally and physically was on my mind, and it would affect the trip. So, I returned home just in time for my brother’s 21st birthday and as a gift I gave him a gram of azurescens mushrooms for free. For those who don’t know azurescen mushrooms have (BY FAR!) the most psilocyben, meaning they are far and away the most hallucinogenic mushroom. My brother was housesitting for a close friend of his who was away at a funeral. We planned to go to this guy’s house and partake in them. I knew this guy, but not well. I knew he was a very nice guy and that’s about all. I had never been to his house.

We arrived at his house at about 6:30 after getting all the necessaries; hot dogs, macaroni, cake, soda and “Fantasiaâ€. We put everything away, I got acquainted with the house and we got a little bit of wood for the fire, which was the only form of heat in this 40-degree weather. Then my brother showed me his gravity bong and we smoked 1 bowl between us, even though it was only a half bowl and the pot was not that great quality, we seemed to be really high. Then we each took 1,000 mgs of Vitamin C as it somehow stimulates a trip to greater heights. Finally, we took the Shrooms…my brother took his gram and I actually took two grams. Now once again, bare in mind, these are not normal Shrooms, these are potent as hell! Far and away the most common type of Shroom is the Cubensis strain (many people have only ever had this type) that has .8% psilocyben and these azurescens have nearly 3%!!! Even I can do the math, THAT IS OVER THREE TIMES AS POWERFUL! So two grams of this stuff is six grams of your average Shroom. The trip had begun…

As they all do, my bad trip started quite pleasantly. I was on the couch and my brother was in front of me starring into the fire. The fire seemed magnificent. The color of it was gorgeous, the heat felt spectacular and I remember watching the way it burned and thinking that it was a living breathing entity, not unlike me. We gazed in amazement at the simple little fire burning inside this metal furnace. The Shrooms had taken affect but they had not really hit us. My brother wanted to go outside to smoke a Cigarette. He was happy as hell but he was aware that under influence of Shrooms you didn’t always have the best judgment. We both seemed to be worried that we were going to mess up this guy’s house, most likely by burning it down…this thought was a relentless one throughout the night. So, as he was going outside he proceeded to warn me not to mess with the fire. The mood was jubilant and we were joking; “Don’t touch the fire. Its evil! That is why they keep it in a cage!†I was left alone while he smoked briefly, and I do not really remember much of that time at all. However, I remember when he came back I was still feeling good and again we sat watching the fire amazed at its beauty. Then I felt the massness of the trip build inside me (probably brought on by the 2nd installment of Shrooms, which I took two or three minutes after the first), expanding and growing to a size I had never imagined was possible. It is hard to imagine the feeling, even for me. The best I can do is say that I felt my sanity slip away. The feeling incubated in me until it reached a point I could barely stand it. Part of me denied it was happening, a sort of wishful thinking. However, finally I succumbed enough to admit it and told my brother “I think I am bad trippingâ€.

He wanted to take care of me so we walked into the guest room of this house and lay on the bed. We hadn’t done anything like this for a long, long time but we lay together under the same blankets and I wrapped my arms around my brother and closed my eyes and wished all this overwhelming thought to go away. Like I said, I had tripped before I was ready for some life rearranging affirmations but something made these thoughts more intense. It was extremely intimidating. I remember being really nervous about dehydrating, as one always does when one eats Shrooms. I was too afraid to go to the sink, so I just lay there. I remember thinking I was so dry that my left arm had fallen off and saw myself as a skeleton in the desert with a hot desert sun in the background, at first the image was more of a thought but then it became something I could see, a little more tangible. I remember thinking how utterly pathetic the scene was, a 6’3 225 lbs young adult curled into the fetal position in utter terror, like some little baby. This is when the dynamics of out relationship started to enter into the trip. When I was a child and my parents would be absent from our lives, my brother would take over as the protective father and the nurturing mother, or our best interpretation of what those roles were. Through the first part I was bad tripping he nurtured me, I kept saying stuff like “what’s happeningâ€, “where are we, are we in a safe place†and the absolute fear in my voice was just dripping; and still he kept calmly reassuring me; “you are in a safe place where people love you…its all very positiveâ€. It was like a mantra and he kept repeating it. It was the soundtrack as I saw an array of confusing and horrible things. Amongst which I remember two vividly. One was, I saw a picture in Las Vegas style flashing neon lights, and the lights were blinking in a constant and unchanging rhythm. The picture was of a severed human head and I could see it bleeding from the neck, an interesting sight at any time but particularly when you see it with Las Vegas style flashing neon lights and are mentally unstable. Anyways, the severed head was on a green hill with a blue-sky backdrop with a single white cloud. The hill, the sky and the cloud all looked like Legos, fake and plastic. The head had a long tongue sticking out and the tongue was being retracting and then extended again in the exact same rhythm the lights were blinking. As the tongue was moving in and out I heard a sound, also in the rhythm, it sounded like someone inhaling and exhaling heavily. I saw a lot of rhythms around this time, blinking lights, sounds anything and everything seemed to marching to a rhythm that was oddly soothing to me in this time of chaos. I kept hearing the sounds of small animals in the other room laughing and scurrying around demonically. I remember bantering on to my brother as I was holding onto him that “I’ll be safe as long as I stay within the rhythms†and he obviously had not clue as to what I was talking about. I remember constantly trying to correct my breath so I would breath in the rhythm; it made me feel a bit more secure. The other specific hallucination I had at this point was the most terrifying one I have ever had. It has made many people laugh out loud but I can assure, it was most definitely not funny. At some point I noticed the edges of the ceiling in the room seemed to be bouncing, to the rhythm again. They kept bouncing slightly and then they seemed to turn purple and yellow. The bouncing and the colors solidified into tiny multi-colored translucent Teddy Bears. The bears were sort of bouncing along (to the rhythm) and chanting something I never could not decipher, but something dark and insidious, not to mention threatening. The chants to were in the same rhythm. I could see it in their hideous faces (on my deathbed I will have the image of their awful faces still etched within my mind, I will never forget their faces) these were angry. Very, very angry bears…and they pointed at me; directing all their anger towards me. They were laughing to, I don’t know why but I remember they were. The laugh was a sort of celebration of what they were going to do to me, what that was I don’t know and I don’t think I ever found out. Imagine a man in my state, watching thousands of tiny, translucent, multi-colored, angry as all hell, laughing Teddy Bear’s dancing above the ceiling, and they were all over the place, with their anger burning furiously at me for some reason and the way they were pointing was so confrontational. What’s worse, at this point I was so messed up I actually believed this was real, those Teddy Bear’s were there. Whereas with the severed head incident, frightening as it was, I could make myself believe it was not real. Also to make matters worse…it is nearly a universal experience that while tripping the trip comes in intervals, sometimes you feel okay, almost like your sober and you always wonder if you really are and sometimes you are very clearly within the troves of a trip, while this can be torturous and exhausting even during some good trips, at least you have down time during the trip, for at this point in my trip the whole thing was one big long trip with no down time.

At this point I was bantering constantly and sometimes it was almost as if I wasn’t the one who was saying them, but figuring it out now I think I was saying what I was thinking, because I remember thinking things that my brother told me I said, but I don’t remember saying them. Perhaps it was a telepathic communication. I have heard of many people experiencing this during a trip but I can’t be sure of that…The thought aspect of the Shroom trip had kicked into overdrive, I was now thinking a million things at once and experiencing all emotions over and over again in a dizzyingly tiring way. Around this point in the trip I remember another hallucination where I saw myself as a sort of mad scientist. I was in a dark room and there was only one light, and it was flickering on and off and as it would flicker off I could no longer see myself. In this hallucination I was balancing my head on my hand, you know as you lean onto your hand when you are on a desk or something, and my index finger was pointed out so it lay on the center of my forehead. The look on my face was a dead serious steely look and my mouth was moving at the speed of my thought, saying everything I was thinking, which I can assure you was more thought in ten minutes then you will find by reading a college textbook, please believe me.

To this point my brother was still having a good trip, he was tripping off on the idea that he was taking care of his little brother and nurturing me the best he could. However, at some point, I don’t exactly remember when, his trip began to turn bad. Around the time I saw the Teddy Bear’s I started to see and especially hear lots and lots of things that I was fairly sure were real. So I would ask my brother; “Did you see thatâ€, “what was thatâ€, “where are weâ€, “oh, hell what is thatâ€â€¦he would always answer “no, its just nothing, don’t worry, your safeâ€. Then I saw, what was for me the most disturbing part of the trip; the panic, terror and utterly disgusting amount of confusion in my brother eyes and face. As I would repeat the myriad of questions I was bombarding him with at a furious rate he started answering me with stuff like; “Ya, I heard thatâ€, “I don’t know, did I hear thatâ€, “something is here†and “someone is in the house†to name a few. This is when the terror and panic kicked up to a whole new level, when my brother lost it, I totally lost any anchor in reality I may have had. We were both totally fucked, spaces out beyond amazement and in matter of time and in a matter of “highnessâ€, this trip had only begun. We were not even close to peaking. I can honestly say the most unsettling memory I have was during this period when I asked my brother if he saw something and just like a horrified little kid he said “Ya, I did and uh, uh….uh, ya they are pretty scary†and as he said this he slowly pulled the covers over his eyes. He wanted to stop seeing whatever it was he was seeing but he also didn’t trust whatever it was when he wasn’t watching.

At some point during this time I began to feel that my pants were wet. I remember thinking that I had better not tell my brother, but apparently I said something because at some point he said “what!? Dude, you wet the bed?†I told him that I did and we got up, felt the bed and were disappointed to find out that I had. I remember saying, “I will help clean this up in the morningâ€, a phrase we found ourselves constantly repeating for the remainder of the trip. At this point I was really flipping my lid with some negativity. I couldn’t believe that a “normal†kid like me would wet the bed like some fucking infant; I was so pathetic, wetting the bed at my age! I also began to think about maybe my parents and the religious of the world were right, maybe drugs really were evil after all. I remember thinking, “Is this what I want? To be fucked up?†I began to remember when I was a small kid and would listen to the yammering about how drugs were evil and bad, and I would think, “why would people ever do something like thatâ€. I felt like a good little boy, very safe and secure, I didn’t do drugs and that (I thought) made me better and more pure than anyone who did. Now, I felt as though I betrayed that little boy and my family, I became one of those nasty, dirty, filthy confused druggies…I was one of those “other†people. I remember thinking how evil what I was doing was and that all I wanted to do was to go home to my mother and confess and have her hold me (we haven’t been close for years in reality though) and tell me the same way she use to when my family was together and I was still a “good little boy†and that “everything was okay†and safe and I didn’t have to worry about whether I was evil or not.

During these thoughts we got up out of bed and my brother got a change of clothes and was going to take a shower. I needed to go take a piss so I did and then waiting for him in the bathroom. I could hear him outside, in the troves of his bad trip occasionally yelling for me so I could yell back and we could know we were still there. When he came back to the bathroom he was carrying an electronic room heater (because it was now 30 degrees and we were to afraid to go outside and get wood) and I immediately assumed that he was so messed up that he wanted to take it with him in the shower, a thought that never crossed his mind. So as soon as he came back in I immediately was pleading, “No man, don’t do it! You’re fucked up; you don’t know what you are doing! For the love of God please, please, don’t do it!†I was thinking that if he did I would lose my brother so I was desperate to make him understand. He, meanwhile, wasn’t even thinking about that and was totally confused and frustrated at whatever the hell it was I was trying to say. Anyways, he somehow let me know that that wasn’t his plan so I let him use it. Only, we couldn’t figure out how to get it to work. So he just took a shower without it, and I waiting for him on the other side of the curtain not wanting to be alone. At this point, my bantering had been turned up to mach levels, although they seemed normal to me. I was talking at a nearly unspeakable rate and to make it more confusing for my poor brother I was changing the subject with ever sentence. The subjected were ridiculously wide in variety but more that later.

At this point my memory becomes pretty patchy. My brother was so overwhelmed and confused at the many things I was saying and also the many things in his own head that he told me he needed a break. The idea of going out into the rest of the house alone was terrible but somehow I did it, albeit for sort intervals. In hindsight I can see that it was only now was I peeking! Indeed, this is the point in the story in which my confusion built up to its great zenith. I remember leaving the bathroom and closing the door, which then meant I was standing in this hall with three ways to go – the guest room, the homes owner’s room and the bedroom. However, I remember being totally terrified at what I called the “infinite and great variety of choices†that was overwhelming me, which was again, only three. I repeatedly came back into the bathroom, partly for comfort, partly to see if my brother was okay and partly to relay the story of my adventures, but I never could keep on the subject long enough to tell him anything. I remember leaving the bathroom again and staring out into the living room where the man’s dog would look at me and bark. When I first came in the dog had greeted me so nicely and then been terrified of me ever since the trip began (in fact every time I saw a specific hallucination the dog would bark and growl at me, in more of a defensive way than an aggressive way). The dog was a very nice dog, but it most definitely knew something big was going on in the house and it didn’t like it. I felt bad for frightening this nice man’s nice dog so I remember turning back to go into the bathroom. As I did, I remember specifically seeing the dog on the couch. However, I suddenly heard a bark directly behind me and felt the distinct feeling of warm dog breath on my leg. So I turned and looked, and sure enough he was there. How he got there so fast was a mystery. As I looked at the dog just in front of me I heard the same dog bark again only the dogs mouth didn’t move and I heard the bark from the couch. I looked up at the couch and saw the dog in its original place. I was confused, I looked back down and the dog was gone, I looked back up on the couch and the dog was there. This similar thing with the dog happened repeatedly throughout the night to me, it made me realize just how fucked up I was, and it unsettled me very much. I also remember looking into the mirror in the guy’s hall. The mirror seemed to be staying in its shape yet it seemed to be water rather than solidified glass. I was horrified at how fucked up I had become, yet I remember looking into the mirror and seeing myself looking so completely happy and smiling, yet I felt nothing like I looked. Part of me recognized the man in the mirror was me, but the other part of me was madder than hell because this bastard was laughing at a time like this. I can’t say for sure that the other part of me recognized the man in the mirror or not. I also looked at myself and saw myself shrink and grow at the same time…don’t ask. As I gazed heavier and heavier into the mirror, it seemed the hallucinations in the mirror grew more intense. The mirror turned black and suddenly I was in outer space, but the whole time I never stopped looking at the mirror. Just behind me to my right I could see a giant galaxy in glorious intricacy, so many tiny little stars and a bright bulge in the middle. I saw a comet make a half circle around it and then wiz by my head. To my left I saw another galaxy, much smaller though. Suddenly, I realized just how far into my hallucination I had become, for I was indeed in such a trance I was nearly in service to it! I snapped out of it only to see all around me there was tiny bright rainbow colored flakes of air, kind of like dots but without a defined ending or beginning, they were there but they had no edges. They were floating peacefully everywhere. Again, I retreated to the bathroom. I had just been in outer space and seen other galaxies.

At some point we got out of the bathroom and made it into the living room. Memories of that are very sketchy and even the sketchy parts took months to piece together. I remember my brother wearing nothing but a towel and standing next to a chair, then he sort of leaned on it and kept saying things like “Woooo…shitâ€, “Fuck, I am so fucking messed upâ€, “Shit, I am never taking Mushroom’s againâ€. All the while I was babbling at light speed about everything. From God, to you have to understand the Dad loves you, to have you read this book, have you read that book, didn’t September 11th suck, don’t you love basketball, isn’t my girlfriend great, don’t you love our sister and most vividly I kept asking what time it was. I asked because I realized I had no idea how long we had been tripping. It was 8:30; with luck we were only just reaching the half way point in our trips! Without luck we might still have four hours left or more. However, 8:30 was a curious time to me because it always seemed to be 8:30. No matter how many times I asked it was always 8:30. He was getting really annoyed at my array of topics and myriad of speeches that lasted only a few seconds; I was really wearing him out. So, I deliberately decided I would only ask about every ten minutes what time it was. So I thought I spaced the times I was asking out, however he was getting more and more annoyed and it was always 8:30. It never stopped being 8:30. It was confusing. It was frustrating. It was plain and simple madness. It seemed like hours, and still it was 8:30. Oh, I was still in the peak. Meanwhile, during this period of time I remember a lot of things that I don’t recall in what sequence they happened. I remember one terrifying thing were I was looking at this guy’s Tikki Dolls and they seemed to be very angry with me. They to seemed to be pointing at me and angry, only these Dolls were not laughing. At the time I was reading Albert Speer’s book, “Inside the Third Reichâ€. Speer was a big wig Nazi and he wrote a book about what happened during the rise and fall of the Nazi party. Obviously, I didn’t like Nazi’s but I was extremely curious about how so many people could be so messed up. Anyways, so with thoughts of Nazi’s kicking around my brain it was sure to induce a hallucination. It did. I remember seeing Swastikas marching a very stern and evil march around all corners of the room, ceiling and floor both. They too were marching to the same rhythm, only they seemed to be so full of anger and hate that they were mechanical, sort of controlled by their hatred. This made their steps more forceful and fiercer. I also remember freaking out because everything was so wide open. There was just so much space in the world and in the universe it was disorienting and unsettling. At some point I scored a major victory…I asked my brother what time it was and he replied 8:40, and I did a little dance with relief. I also remember me and my brother thinking that we should watch something to settle down and ease our minds. We decided on “Fantasiaâ€, but then realized it was in the car…outside. It was unthinkable for us to go outside. So we tried to watch some plain old TV instead. Somehow, we couldn’t manage to get it to work so we scrapped that idea as well.

I don’t remember how but we went into the guy’s bedroom to use his bed because the other one was covered in urine. We lay under the covers and my brother was desperately trying to sleep through it. I was much too nervous to sleep, however my brother was quite and I tried to let him sleep. It was quite and I was alone with my thoughts. At this point the trip started to thin out, only in regard to that now it came in intervals and I had time to catch my breath between swings of psychosis and reality. I felt a strong presence of death coming from outside the house, and all around us. I kept seeing my brother die and then start to decay as flowers and shrubs grew around his body. I kept calling to him to see if he was alive, which he was. However, as soon as he would tell me he was alive it would all start up again with him dying and then shrubs growing, etc. I remember feeling a bit sober and deciding I had really better drink. So I walked out into the living room to go to the kitchen. The nervous little dog was on the couch and right in front of him, the feeling mounted again, full throttle. The dog barked, he was very afraid of me and I felt really bad for upsetting this poor dog. To the tune of a barking dog I remember hitting the ground and looking at the roof and seeing a spiral rainbow colored vortex. I continued on into the kitchen in the troves of a trip and got some water, as I was drinking I attempted to watch the lights I suddenly saw blinking and twirling and swirling on the roof. However, in my state watching and drinking was too much and I continued to spill water everywhere. I went back to bed.

At some point, once again we realized I had wet this bed as well. I repeated our phrase that we had been using so much “I’ll help clean this up in the morningâ€. We were so exhausted and confused we didn’t give a shit anymore, we just laid in it. My brother and me were both completely gone mentally, we were scared and we kept saying “its gotta be morning soon, the sun will come up soon and this will all be overâ€. We were sure it was at least 4 A.M. by this point, possibly even 6. Also, I remember somehow convincing myself that my brother wasn’t real; he was a figment of my imagination. Then somehow I flipped it, I wasn’t real, I was a figment of his imagination. I remember thinking I had better not piss him off or let him die. Then I remember getting confused…thinking “someone has got to be animating the bodies in this reality, but who?†I believe in God, strongly I might add so my question wasn’t “is there a Godâ€, but “who is God?†This was definitely a point in the trip where I stepped away from my Ego and examined it subjectively, although I am not sure it was total Ego loss. How can you be sure? At some point, while I was still very much messed up, my father called. I couldn’t answer it because I was far to messed to carry on a conversation. I missed the call. I felt like I betrayed him. He was trying to maintain a relationship with me and here I was doing drugs and being an idiot. Again, I grappled with the morality of using drugs and again I felt like I was evil and that my parents would be disgusted with me, and myself from years back would be disgusted with me. My brother later said the call put him in a very similar tale spin. I was depressed that I missed the call, it was awful. I went into the living room to be closer towards the source of my dad’s brief message; somehow it seemed comforting at the time. I wanted to hear his voice again very, very badly. So I tried to replay the message, but somehow I couldn’t get it to work. At this point I could feel myself sobering up, I knew I was getting close to the light at the end of the tunnel, however I was still very far from it. I went back to bed, but I couldn’t sleep, still very afraid of what horrible sights might be lingering outside my eyelids, and even when I closed them I saw things. So I decided I was going to get up and try to read or something, I asked my brother where his watch was. Apparently he put it in the bathroom at some point, but I can’t remember that at all. I went to the bathroom once again thinking “its between 4 and 6â€. I was absolutely positively sure of it. Then I got a tremendously unnerving shock, it was 10:12 P.M…I have always been really good at guessing the time and once again I realized how fucked up I really was. The shock of being so far off in the time sent me dizzying into what was to be one last spell of the trip.

I tumbled back to bed where I believe from the other room the dog was communicating with me Telepathically, once again how can you be sure? He seemed to be upset that we were in his master’s bed and he thought we were trying to replace him. I felt myself coming back together and I went back into the living room. At this point I realized that TV was on (although on no channel) from what could have been hours ago or only minutes, I can’t be sure. I sat down and thought and then suddenly it hit me as sure as a bolt of lighting. My consciousness clicked back into place, I was not sober but my mind was now functioning and immediately and automatically started to try and piece things together. At this point I had no clue what day it was, what time it was, or even if I was real or just a figment of my brothers imagination or something. I still was seeing little things and felt weird but I had my wits enough to start to put my reality back together. I went back and told my brother “I am okay nowâ€, he replied he was not and that he needed to alone. I desperately wanted to call someone, for the soul purpose of seeing if they actually existed or not, they might have been figments of my imagination. It’s a scary thing when you really have to call someone you love to decipher whether or not your memories of them were a hallucination or not. I thought about all the beautiful moments I shared with my girlfriend and I really couldn’t be sure at that point whether they were real or not. I cried because there was a real possibility, as far as I was concerned that everyone I ever thought I knew was a creation of my imagination and I really had a different life. Which meant all my emotional connections were false. I called my best friends and I scared them a bit with my shaky voice and bizarre questions, but at least I knew they were real. From that I assumed everything in my memory was real also. At this point my brother came out and he was now “okay†as well. We sat in silence for a while and wore huge smiles of relief. It felt great to be alive after something like that, it was a little like a rebirth. I just didn’t take sobriety for granted. On my first trip ever I wrote a huge sing in my room that said “REALITY IS THE BIGGEST TRIP OF ALLâ€, since that trip I always appreciated both the toxic and the non-toxic mind. I was grateful just to be alive. We talked a little bit about it. Then we ate. My brother seemed to be very quick to put something between him and the trip. He threw himself in a video game and that’s all he would talk about. He never talked about it since either, which is a drag because I could learn a lot more about this trip if I could hear his recollection of it.

As we walked around the house we realized the bedlam was in our minds. We kept saying, “we are going to clean this upâ€, but nothing was really disturbed. It turned out I hadn’t even wet either of the beds at all, nor my pants. We also found out some weird things, the single room heater that my brother brought into the bathroom to take a shower was a plug in. All you had to do was plug it in, no dials to set temperature or anything, just plug it in. However, if you remember we couldn’t get it to work! Also, the TV, you just had to turn it on and then turn on the VCR, nothing more complex, but we couldn’t get it to work. The message machine I tried to replay my dad’s message on was also quite simple to work. It was a very confusing, disorienting odd time…

I have not yet fully recovered from this trip but the worst is over. For a long time I could not smoke pot because the feeling that I might be going back into a bad trip so overwhelmed my mind that merely smoking pot was like another bad trip, exactly like a bad trip. I still have not been able to have a pleasant experience with my once beloved Mushrooms, but I am really thinking I am getting close. The emotional scars are healing and I have only recently found “How to Avoid Bad Trips†kind of web pages, for what they are worth. It gets better everyday but even now I have trouble sleeping at night because my mind is fearful that everything could go all crazy again, I am always afraid to close my eyes. Showers and sleeping are now quite hard because of the fear that I am too vulnerable. Also I have had something infect my mind ever since then that was never there before. I keep having nightmares about hell, and I keep thinking I am evil and I don’t know what to do. I keep thinking I am going to be burning in hell, constantly being tortured for all eternity, with no beginning, no middle and no end to the suffering. It is a thought that sometimes consumes me. Even now I struggle with the idea of whether or not drugs are bad. However, everyday it gets better and as I begin to talk to like-minded people about this I seem to understand it more and everything in my life gets a little better. One important thing I learned is that the rhythm that I heard…I think I understand it now. Everything beat to the same rhythm and I wanted to even breath on the same unchanging rhythm. I think I don’t like change to a dramatic degree. When my brain was on overload it converted everything to a single rhythm so I could break it down and feel secure. I need to learn to like change better in my life. Also, my time confusion where it always was 8:30…I think I psychedelic trip is one into a study of Everything, Eternity, God, consciousness…Everything. So you begin to relate to Everything. In the scope of all creation a few seconds is not at all a long time, but in the scope of a single day it is. We are all use to judging time by its place in the day. At some point my mind began judging time in its place in eternity. I also think I understand why we couldn’t work basic household appliances. I think me and my brother biggest mistake was fighting the trip so hard. We were really tripping hard and we even experienced at least some Ego Death, but we fought so hard to stay within our comfortable, mortal, Earthly realm that we wanted to watch TV for comfort. However, our mind was now functioning on a bigger level and it did not relate to TV and things like that, the hemispheres of our brains were at war and both sides may have suffered because of it. If we hadn’t of fought it I think we would have embraced it and experienced some sure fire Ego Death, for better or worse. Also the presence of death in the room, we found out in the morning something we did not know. Just behind the house there was a graveyard, which might explain it. Things are starting to come together and if anyone has any interpretations or similar experiences I ask you, please get in touch with me! I desperately NEED like minded people to help me unravel this. My e-mail is [email protected]

I know understand that Shrooms are no joke, and I now view trips as a journey into knowledge greater than all of us, of which I must learn as much as I can about it. It is no longer taken lightly and simply stupid fun. I encourage people to push their boundaries slowly and to take things carefully. And give Shroom’s the respect that they require.

I hope someone benefits from this in any way at all…

Shroomalicious

[email protected] shrooms2.jpg

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I can't read the 2nd one....................yet, maybe later:laugh:

That first guy..........what a fukken weirdo. I don't think shrooming at home w/ 3 small children in the house is a smart idea.........and the wife allows that? If I had to come home from work to find my husband naked on the floor and trippin, I'd tie his shit up and bitch slap him back to reality. Asshole.

Lola:D

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Originally posted by lolahotass

I can't read the 2nd one....................yet, maybe later:laugh:

That first guy..........what a fukken weirdo. I don't think shrooming at home w/ 3 small children in the house is a smart idea.........and the wife allows that? If I had to come home from work to find my husband naked on the floor and trippin, I'd tie his shit up and bitch slap him back to reality. Asshole.

Lola:D

She must be very understanding .. A little to understanding lol

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