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Nothing dulls the senses like five or ten minutes of hold music.

It's an aural anesthetic with the numbing power of a thousand

Kenny G.'s. It's responsible for sending millions into downward

spirals of purposelessness. Why did I call? Whom am I calling?

What day is it? Wait, what's my name, anyway?

Man, do we have a remedy for you -- discovered unexpectedly

during a recent on-hold experience.

Foreign-language tapes as hold music.

We giggled. We snickered. We even learned a phrase or two of

Portuguese. We had to have it!

It's a cinch. Ask your trusty office manager if the boss will

comply. Want it at home? A bit more complicated, since most home

phones aren't music-ready. But if you get an On-Hold Plus system,

your friends and loved ones will never again have to languish in

telecom purgatory.

As for the call-waiting silent treatment, we'll get back to you

when we find a cure.

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