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sassa

If you are a Man...

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If you are a man...

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Same work .. more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

No maxi-pads.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

The world is your urinal.

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Originally posted by sassa

If you are a man...

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

"By the way Bob....nice ass."

"Why thank you sir....I go to the gym you know."

Your orgasms are real. Always.

"Are you faking it?"

"Uhh no? like...Ooo Ahhh or something?"

"Let me see it then?"

"Errr see what?

"the stuff!"

"the stuff....uuuh Ill be right back.."

"what ...what is this? handsoap?"

"No honey..its my love you for...honest..."

Your last name stays put.

Took me all these years to memorize it...be damned if i have to go through that again...Woman! your new name is....Woman Johnson...now get in the kitchen and cook me a pie!

The garage is all yours.

Read Sign "This room is prohibited by creatures that bleed for a week and dont die."

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

"Will there be beer?...and do we HAVE to invite your parents?"

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

"Dude you want a piece of this?"

"But shes your wife bob?"

"What are you some kind o' queer Jim?"

"No but its just...you just got married yesterday."

"So?"

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

"Can you fix it?"

"Well its going to cost $125"

"Fuck it then...."

"Okay Okay....$25 and ill throw in an air frenshner..."

"Bitchen!"

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

"Nice haircut Bob."

"huh?"

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

"Hot what?"

"Your gonna put that where?"

"Are you some kinda moron?"

Same work .. more pay.

"Cool ...hawiain shit day!"

Wrinkles add character.

"Hey Jim...check out this cool scar!"

"Its a wrinkle Bob."

"So what..chicks still dig it."

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

"Pardon me a sec Jim...theeere...much better"

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

"$100 for a tux....are you insane...im sure Jim has a suit I can borrow or somethin"

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

"Water...no no no...BEER!"

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

"Hey bob?"

"Yeah Jim?"

"You have some bigass mantits"

"Why thank you Jim."

"Your welcome Bob."

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

"Whats a shoe? If it isnt a boot...its not going on my foot."

One mood, ALL the damn time.

"Yep.."

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

*ring*

"Hey Bob.."

"Jim"

"How goes?"

"Fine fine..."

"Wife?"

"Fine"

"Kids?"

"Fine"

"Want to get something to eat?"

"Sure..cmon down"

"Alright"

"Alright"

*click*

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

swimming trucks...check...razor...check...calogne..check

towel...check....porno...check...nachos...check...beer...check check and check....lets go!

You can open all your own jars.

*flexes*

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

"I brought you flowers....you want to do what to me now...OKAY!"

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

"Damn silk boxers cost as much as my car insurance."

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

"If im 34 and single I must be one secretive pimp"

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

"You drive like old people fuck....slow and sloppy."

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

"Boots, bowling shoes..and my slippers...what else?"

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

"Jim want a beer?"

"No thanks Bob?"

"Err...what that bitch do this time?"

No maxi-pads.

"What hun? You want me to go and buy you what? Ha ha ha ha....your funny...what? couch?.....damnit....okay ill go get your damn pad things."

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

"DUDE!"

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

"Black..grey..blue..ummm...grey?"

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

"heh heh..screw....heh heh heh"

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

*sniffs* "Yep...this shirts clean"

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

"You mean im supposed to stlye and iand just not let it all flop around on my head?"

*ruffles hair*

"Better?"

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

"Hey Joe..."

"Yeah Bob?"

"Do these pants make my butt look big?"

"No Bob...its just that you have a fat can."

"Oh okay Joe...I was worried there for a second."

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

"Huh?..damn it woman...my greatgrandfather gave me this belt

when I was 6..."

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

"Gah...aww fuck it I have nine others..."

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

"Porn for joe...Beer for jim...new pots and pans for the wife...not like shell use em anyways...heh heh heh."

The world is your urinal.

*pees on your shoe*

"sorry about that...just marking my territory*

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mechanics lie to everyone

i care if people notice my haircut

i can see wrinkles in clothes

you forgot the best thing bout being a guy. we can pee standing up:peeright: thats pretty high on my list of best things bout being a guy, that and not having babies.

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Originally posted by sassa

If you are a man...

Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

Your orgasms are real. Always.

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

Same work .. more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood, ALL the damn time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

No maxi-pads.

If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

Your belly usually hides your big hips.

One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.

The world is your urinal.

That was awesome! and very true

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I know I'm going to get tremendous heat for this one from all the girls, but I've seen this email before and here's one that was missed:

You know you're a guy if...

...you can see the humor in punting small animals.

and I have a cat that I love very much, thank you.:biggrin::clap:

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