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Are You Liberal Or Conservative? Take this test

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Are You Liberal Or Conservative?

Ever wondered whether you're a liberal or a conservative?

Well, stop wondering and take this test to find out!

I. Smoking a Marlboro is...

Healthy (10)

A good way to support the states' needy tobacco farmers (8)

As dangerous for you as drinking milk (4)

Probably not a good idea (0)

II. How many guns do you own?

Lots & lots, with enough ammo to survive a 2-year siege (10)

1 for me, 1 for my wife, & 1 for each of the kids (8)

A matching "his & hers" set of gun locks (4)

1 or none (0)

III. Tom Brokaw says something about the U. N. What pops into your mind?

Black helicopters (12)

Microchips in your buttocks (10)

Boutros Boutros what's-his-name (4)

Madeline Albright (0)

IV. You're a devoutly religious person. How do you show it?

Go to church/synagogue every week (0)

Give money to charity (0)

Make big donations to a certain large PAC led by Pat Robertson (8)

Take Bible quotes out of context to prove God is a republican (8)

Bomb an abortion clinic (10)

V. Hillary Clinton?

A Communist (10)

A rich Communist who made big money on the market (10)

Too outspoken (6)

A good woman with some good ideas (0)

The first lady (2)

VI. Al Gore vs. George W. Bush?

George W. Bush (8)

Al Gore (2)

Ralph Nader (0)

Harry Browne (6)

Pat Buchanan (12)

VII. Good TV?

Nothing since Leave it to Beaver (10)

The Simpsons or Murphy Brown (0)

Ellen, but only because she's a lesbian (2)

The 700 club (10)

Friends, but only because everyone else watches it so it must be good (4)

VIII. Cinema?

Only if it stars Charlton Heston (10)

Only if it stars Bruce Willis (6)

Ah-nold! (6)

Only if Nuns picket the theatres where it's being shown (0)

Only if the fat guy gave it thumbs up (4)

IX. Capitalism?

I like being able to choose between Pepsi & Coke (2)

I'd sell my own kids to make a buck (10)

It's my religion (10)

What's my Netscape stock at today? (4)

It sounds better when you call it "free enterprise" (4)

X. Your kid gets a bad grade in math. Your reaction is...

Blame it on Secular Humanism (10)

Blame it on the N. E. A. (10)

Blame it on the N. R. A. (0)

Blame it on Diversity Training (10)

Blame it on Newt Gingrich (0)

XI. You see a gay person. What do you do?

Punch him out & then tell him that he's going to hell for sinning (10)

Tell him he's going to hell but don't punch him out because you're a very tolerant person (8)

Tell him that you don't care as long as he doesn't "flaunt" it (6)

Nothing, what's the big deal? (0)

Silly, I am gay (0)

XII. Your favorite congressman/senator...

Bob Dornan (10)

Helen Chenoweth (10)

Barney Frank (0)

Ted Kennedy (0)

XIII. The environment...

I like clean air & water (0)

Pass me some fried bald eagle drumsticks please. Yummy! (10)

The free market will magically clean up the water (8)

Armageddon is coming soon according to Revelations, so who cares? (12)

I don't care. I can afford bottled water (8)

XIV. The Internet is a bad thing because...

It's full of sex & porn (10)

It's owned by some person named Bill Gates (4)

It's been rumored to have been frequented by known atheists (12)

The Newt Gingrich sing-a-long page (0)

XV. I drive...

A pickup truck with a gun rack & a confederate flag sticker (10)

A Geo Metro with a Greenpeace sticker (0)

A Mercedes with a Bush/Cheney sticker (2)

A Chevy with a Rainbow flag & a Gore/Liberman sticker (2)

I take the bus (0)

XVI. My favorite magazine is...

National Review (8)

New Republic (6)

Crazy! The magazine for kooks (10)

Guns & Ammo's swimsuit issue (12)

Some magazine that only the alternative bookstore carries (0)

XVII. They control everything...

The Bilberburgers (10)

The Trilateral Commission (10)

The Council Of Foreign Relations (10)

The media (10)

The Jews (10)

None of the above (0)

XVIII. My favorite section of the newspaper is...

Dilbert (2)

The business section (6)

Jumble, The Scrambled Word Game (4)

The classified ads, looking for used farm implements (8)

I don't read the paper, it's too Liberal (10)

I don't read the paper, it's too conservative (0)


0-60 - Congratulations, you're a Liberal. Obviously, you have brains, intelligence, wit, & good looks. Use them well & try not to make conservatives too jealous.

61-100 - You're a middle-of-the-road kind of person. You obviously have good heart, but aren't as Liberal as you should be. Bill Clinton scored in this range.

101-130 - Yikes, a conservative! Turn off Rush Limbaugh for a while & notice how quickly you regain consciousness. We'll be waiting for you when you do.

131-200 - Out of the ballpark, certified right wing nutcase. I'd insult you some more, but I don't want you coming after me with your collection of Chinese-made assault rifles & drool on me as you talk about black helicopters. So, good day & seek help, if not for yourself, then for your children's sake.

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