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fierydesire

Not making any . . .

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...i think it depends on the people involved and the situation...some people like to leave things open because it allows for an easier exit...it feels safer to be less committed...unfortunately, this is conducive to behavior i myself have been guilty off - walking away from something without giving it a chance...after multiple relationships, you tend to set things up so that you can try to be less hurt...such as not defining...so if something does occur you are more apt to walk away then stay and work...it's easier to say, well we werent boyfriend and girlfriend so what's the big deal...but if you are an emotional creature...such as myself...it becomes difficult to not cross the gray areas during the going with the flow area...to some extent emotions will be shared - we are all emotional creatures...so the areas get crossed and then need to be clarified to black and white...so perhaps things should be black and white from the beginning...but that's easier said than done...esp. if you're carrying the luggage from your past experiences...whether you realize it or not...

then...ofcourse...you have the people that can maintain a go with the flow philosophy...they have good control of emotion and attachment and dont take things beyond what they need to be...this is a unique individual...and you need two to tango to pull this off...but it does exist...

as for me...i have no preference...whatever comes my way...but admittedly, i am an emotional romantic creature destined to self-destruct most relationships i endeavor into...or at least it seems that way some days...other days, it is those attributes that create utter bliss...but no matter what...we are who we are...denial will always be destructive...ok..my rant is over...

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Originally posted by phatman

...i think it depends on the people involved and the situation...some people like to leave things open because it allows for an easier exit...it feels safer to be less committed...unfortunately, this is conducive to behavior i myself have been guilty off - walking away from something without giving it a chance...after multiple relationships, you tend to set things up so that you can try to be less hurt...such as not defining...so if something does occur you are more apt to walk away then stay and work...it's easier to say, well we werent boyfriend and girlfriend so what's the big deal...but if you are an emotional creature...such as myself...it becomes difficult to not cross the gray areas during the going with the flow area...to some extent emotions will be shared - we are all emotional creatures...so the areas get crossed and then need to be clarified to black and white...so perhaps things should be black and white from the beginning...but that's easier said than done...esp. if you're carrying the luggage from your past experiences...whether you realize it or not...

then...ofcourse...you have the people that can maintain a go with the flow philosophy...they have good control of emotion and attachment and dont take things beyond what they need to be...this is a unique individual...and you need two to tango to pull this off...but it does exist...

as for me...i have no preference...whatever comes my way...but admittedly, i am an emotional romantic creature destined to self-destruct most relationships i endeavor into...or at least it seems that way some days...other days, it is those attributes that create utter bliss...but no matter what...we are who we are...denial will always be destructive...ok..my rant is over...

:clap: :clap: I couldn't have said it better.

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Originally posted by phatman

...i think it depends on the people involved and the situation...some people like to leave things open because it allows for an easier exit...it feels safer to be less committed...unfortunately, this is conducive to behavior i myself have been guilty off - walking away from something without giving it a chance...after multiple relationships, you tend to set things up so that you can try to be less hurt...such as not defining...so if something does occur you are more apt to walk away then stay and work...it's easier to say, well we werent boyfriend and girlfriend so what's the big deal...but if you are an emotional creature...such as myself...it becomes difficult to not cross the gray areas during the going with the flow area...to some extent emotions will be shared - we are all emotional creatures...so the areas get crossed and then need to be clarified to black and white...so perhaps things should be black and white from the beginning...but that's easier said than done...esp. if you're carrying the luggage from your past experiences...whether you realize it or not...

I agree with this to some extent. I don't know if it necessarily feels safer to not make definites.

I mean setting something up so you don't get hurt by being able to walk away by saying you are not b/f-g/f.. I don't buy that. Its seems to me that you are implying that people use this as a means of not getting hurt, such as a scapegoat. IDK, it doesn't seem that way to me. I mean it just seems to me that perhaps those people want to have fun and they themselves don't want to hurt the other party.

also crossing over the grey area, yeah I can see your point and suthrnbelles, but perhaps I never let myself go beyond the grey area unless I feel it can... Am I making any sense?:confused: I try to stay in the black and white . . .

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Originally posted by fierydesire

. . . definites, in regards to dating? Is it better or worse? why?

Personally, I dont make any definitives and just rather go with the flow, but I see not many people do the same.

:tongue:

Depends on what you want, do you want long term, short term.... Those are all relative to how you go about persuing your goal. If some one sparks the right interest, I would think you would change the "rule" for them and be open to working on a "long term" relationship.....

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Originally posted by SPYGIRL2

Depends on what you want, do you want long term, short term.... Those are all relative to how you go about persuing your goal. If some one sparks the right interest, I would think you would change the "rule" for them and be open to working on a "long term" relationship.....

i just happen to be in this very situation right now with a girl. going into it i told her that i had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship w/ someone and just wanted to keep things casual. things went above and beyond (i'm blame that on myself) and now she doesn't understand why i want to pull the plug on everything.

i think the only time the gray area can remain a steady constant is when both people are willing to allow it. as soon as one person falls, the mystery is over and you either give up what you wanted (single life) or back out completely.

true, there are certain people that come into your life that no matter what your predisposed ideals were, this person will bend and break that reality. i guess there's two things to always keep in mind: upfront honesty is the only way to fly, and your fate is a something and someone you will never see coming.

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Originally posted by dogekid

i just happen to be in this very situation right now with a girl. going into it i told her that i had just gotten out of a 5 year relationship w/ someone and just wanted to keep things casual. things went above and beyond (i'm blame that on myself) and now she doesn't understand why i want to pull the plug on everything.

i think the only time the gray area can remain a steady constant is when both people are willing to allow it. as soon as one person falls, the mystery is over and you either give up what you wanted (single life) or back out completely.

true, there are certain people that come into your life that no matter what your predisposed ideals were, this person will bend and break that reality. i guess there's two things to always keep in mind: upfront honesty is the only way to fly, and your fate is a something and someone you will never see coming.

I guess I am in a similar kinda spot....Things are in the gray area, but working very well... So far it's all fair give and take. I know what I want and vice versa, but in those restraints, neither wants to scare the other away. If thinga sre working and both adults are happy, then leave them be, until there is no way to avoid changing colors....

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