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timetraveler69

if you..

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Originally posted by somebitch

yup. if you are 100% sure you are right (which would basically mean you heard with your own ears, or saw somethign with your own eyes).

Its a complicated situation and I am giving her the benefit of the doubt because it is someting that cannot be proven either way but I was just curious as to what others thought.

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Guest gabo

I wouldnt break up with someone even if I did catch them in a lie, it really depends how big the lie was. like if they said they had a gf then thats a break up but if it was a small lie then its not worth to end the relationship.

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Originally posted by gabo

I wouldnt break up with someone even if I did catch them in a lie, it really depends how big the lie was. like if they said they had a gf then thats a break up but if it was a small lie then its not worth to end the relationship.

yeah but if they wont admit they lied!! that says something about the person, how can you continue a relationship with someone like that?

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Originally posted by somebitch

yeah but if they wont admit they lied!! that says something about the person, how can you continue a relationship with someone like that?

alright its a little more complicated than that.. i was looking for a truthful answer, but i didnt get it... so i asked why i didnt get it, i was told that the person was not thinking when the answer was right in front of their face.

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Originally posted by gabo

what if their embaressed or they have a really good reason?

i wanted something which was written down confirmed, so i asked after showing them. i got an answer which went against what was written down, and was told that i got that answer bc they were not thinking when they answered/it wasnt a big deal to them.

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Originally posted by timetraveler69

alright its a little more complicated than that.. i was looking for a truthful answer, but i didnt get it... so i asked why i didnt get it, i was told that the person was not thinking when the answer was right in front of their face.

sounds like you want to believe the person & drop it. i can only tell u what i think is right, i cant tell you how to feel.. if you want to believe or forgive and you feel like things will be ok after you forgive then dont worry about what is right/wrong.

someone capable of swaying your actions based on their words and using that to keep you where they want you should not be trusted. so if the lie falls into that catagory, i say get out before it grows deeper.

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Originally posted by somebitch

sounds like you want to believe the person & drop it. i can only tell u what i think is right, i cant tell you how to feel.. if you want to believe or forgive and you feel like things will be ok after you forgive then dont worry about what is right/wrong.

someone capable of swaying your actions based on their words and using that to keep you where they want you should not be trusted. so if the lie falls into that catagory, i say get out before it grows deeper.

i understand.. what do you think about what i wrote above..

"i wanted something which was written down confirmed, so i asked after showing them. i got an answer which went against what was written down, and was told that i got that answer bc they were not thinking when they answered/it wasnt a big deal to them."

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i´m with somebitch on this one

if you are sure you caught the person in a lie (and i mean 110% sure), you confront him/her with it and they STILL not confess or at least "correct" it says A LOT about the person.

not that i would care though. i don´t believe what chicks tell me anyway, but i don´t mind as i can afford not to care. i usually say them in the beginning they can do what they want and they don´t have to tell me about ANYTHING they do. but if i should find out something through chance (that doesn´t mean i SEARCH for it) and i don´t like it she has to live with the consequences. which might be not being allowed to see me EVER again. simple as that.

what this does is it CLEARLY shows her the consequences UP FRONT. when she does something she thinks i might not approve of she knows EXACTLY what will happen. this is a MAJOR motivator not to do anything i might dislike behind my back or doing it at all cause she knows the consequences, while in most relationships the consequences are NOT clearly shown beforehand and therefor there will be more "behind the back".

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Originally posted by tastey

i´m with somebitch on this one

if you are sure you caught the person in a lie (and i mean 110% sure), you confront him/her with it and they STILL not confess or at least "correct" it says A LOT about the person.

thats what i was looking for.. for it to be corrected and i would consider the palette cleansed, but it was insisted that they were not thinking. do you think this is a valid excuse and could happen?

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Originally posted by timetraveler69

caught your better half in a lie.. no matter how big or small the lie or whether it had anything to do with anything, but they refused to admit that they were lying.. do you think this would be reason to end it?

I t depends. If there was a valid good reason than maybe you let it slide, but to lie just to lie, well..... I would personally always rather have the truth, but the truth can hurt you sometimes....

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Originally posted by timetraveler69

thats what i was looking for.. for it to be corrected and i would consider the palette cleansed, but it was insisted that they were not thinking. do you think this is a valid excuse and could happen?

see, you think way too much about it anyway. you value what you have with that girl too much, period. it is not important whether she admits the lie or not. you have not layed down the law and informed her of the consequences BEFOREHAND. now you can´t complain. you can lay down the consequences NOW and FIRM and let her make it up to you (and i MEAN make it up to you, if she resist, LEAVE, this girl needs to be taught a lesson) OR leave her alltogether. if you´ll let her get away with it you give her a card blanche to do what she wants behind your back.

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Originally posted by tastey

see, you think way too much about it anyway. you value what you have with that girl too much, period. it is not important whether she admits the lie or not. you have not layed down the law and informed her of the consequences BEFOREHAND. now you can´t complain. you can lay down the consequences NOW and FIRM and let her make it up to you (and i MEAN make it up to you, if she resist, LEAVE, this girl needs to be taught a lesson) OR leave her alltogether. if you´ll let her get away with it you give her a card blanche to do what she wants behind your back.

I never laid down the law because I did not expect this to happen. I went into this relationship with alot of trust and wouldn't impose my consequences until something warranted that.

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Originally posted by timetraveler69

I never laid down the law because I did not expect this to happen. I went into this relationship with alot of trust and wouldn't impose my consequences until something warranted that.

hope you learned your lesson.

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Originally posted by timetraveler69

I never laid down the law because I did not expect this to happen. I went into this relationship with alot of trust and wouldn't impose my consequences until something warranted that.

i dont think you should have to lay down any rules either... people should know if they care about you as a person, you will tolerate certain things and you will not tolerate others.

i dont know what the lie was, all i can say is the way you should proceed is dependent on the lie. if, as i said before, the lie was about something that convoluted your reality about the standing of you and her (causing you to act in a way you wouldn't have if you had known the truth), no, i dont think she should be forgiven. some things should not be forgiven... somethings should not be forgiven and when they are, you see why they shouldnt be..

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