pookie23 Posted November 8 Report Share Posted November 8 A sports fans' guide to the personalsBy Eric ImmermanSpecial to Page 2 If you are currently single, odds are you're aesthetically unappealing and/or do not live in Los Angeles. Otherwise, you would have already found love as a contestant on "Blind Date," "The 5th Wheel," "elimiDate," or "Dismissed." Do you really want to tell people you met on Blind Date? So, where's an unattractive sports fan living outside the borders of La La Land supposed to find that special someone, especially now that the peephole into the Eagles cheerleader's locker room has been sealed? That's right, personal ads! However, navigating the personal ad landscape can be a treacherous voyage, rife with an endless stream of confusing acronyms and clichéd, misleading descriptions. Fortunately for you, I've taken the liberty of compiling a personal ad guide, a primer to help shepherd you through the maze so that you can make an informed, accurate decision regarding a potential mate. Included is a glossary of acronyms you should become familiar with, along with a series of common phrases I have decoded, revealing their true meanings.Whether you're looking for a soul mate, a battery mate, or just someone to make homoerotic backyard wrestling videos with, this guide should serve as an indispensable tool in that search.Phrases"information technology professional" = operates Anna Kournikova up-skirt gallery"outdoor enthusiast" = homeless (Ram's didn't cover)"attentive lover" = mutes football game during sex Bald can be beautiful, unless your name is Costanza. "work out a lot" = serving 5-year prison sentence"Jordanesque" = bald"sense of humor" = lifelong Cubs fan"hopeless romantic" = most likely will propose on JumboTron"financially stable" = still in NFL suicide pool"antique collector" = owns a ColecoVision "mature for my age" = Dominican baseball player"spontaneous" = once ordered Wrestlemania on PPV at last possible minute"cultured" = recently rented "The Bad News Bears Go To Japan""confident with appearance" = morbidly obese guy with shirt off at sporting events"hardworking" = contract year"sophisticated" = pours Mad Dog 20/20 into glass at tailgates"military operative" = played paintball at friend's bachelor partyAcronymsSWMWDATI = Single White Male Who Does All The IntangiblesTWG = Token White GuyP = PlayaPH = Playa HataDB = Duckpin BowlerIAPHM = Impotent After Pommel Horse MishapRPF = Reebok Pump FetishBBJ = Body By JakeUCE = Unsightly Cauliflower Ear That's nice, now go and get tested again and again. WEPMSC = Watches Eleven PM SportsCenterRTBM = Religiously Tapes BassMastersNo FLG = No Fantasy League GeeksDDRHBT = Dated Dennis Rodman, Have Been TestedSPWS = Soccer Poseur Wearing SambasMRIINFLD = Mr. Irrelevant In NFL DraftDLPM = Decent Low Post MovesGSBITFBGTA = Gleaming Smile Belies Inner Turmoil Fueled By Golden Tee AddictionMNYKCD = Male New York Knick City DancerSEHM = Sports Embarrassing Hockey MulletISOMTSLOBBM = In Search Of Mate To Share Love Of Brian Bosworth Movies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lolahotass Posted November 8 Report Share Posted November 8 :laugh: GOOD ONE SPRAGS! :laugh: My favs: "confident with appearance" = morbidly obese guy with shirt off at sporting eventsAND"sophisticated" = pours Mad Dog 20/20 into glass at tailgatesWEPMSC = Watches Eleven PM SportsCenter ----> hey, they stole that from my personal ad.... WTF! j/kLola:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pookie23 Posted November 8 Author Report Share Posted November 8 The scary thing is that about 60% of them are me in a nutshell!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.