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aboyfrombklyn

Negative Body Image - What To Do

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My girlfriend has an extremely negative body image of herself. It has grown to the point where she sometimes becomes extremely depressed over it. I woke up one night at around 3 in the morning to find her laying next to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she said she was fat. It's that serious.

Being naked in front of me is not really the problem, as she has become more and more comfortable after I have assured her constantly that she is beautiful. Our sex life has gotten better over time, something I believe is pretty uncommon when someone feels this shitty about her body. But lately, it seems like being depressed about what she thinks she sees has become an everyday thing. I really don't know what to do. I have tried reassuring her that she looks great (she really is only around 10-15 pounds overweight and it's in all the right places) and have even spoken to her about considering counseling, but she refuses.

Has anyone ever experienced this before, or do you know someone who does? Thanks guys!

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you can't do anything for her. she has to help herself. if she feels so bad about herself, she should go lose the weight. it's sad when people place such importance on the way they look, but i guess it depends on your environment.

was there something that happened to trigger these emotions? has she been feeling insecure about your relationship, perhaps she caught you checking out other girls or something?

wish i had a clear answer for you, but i don't. good luck and hope she feels better.

sassa

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soo many girls feel like that. there is sooooo much pressure from magazines, tv shows, movies, models, etc. to be very thin and it can sometimes be depressing when we can't look like them....

i think most women in their life get upset over this, it's only normal.... it's good that you tell her she's beautiful, but her confidence can't come from u or anyone else -- it has to come from within herself......

oh by the way, has does she work out? i felt like her back a couple years ago, and when i started working out, regardless if i lost weight, i just felt SO much better about myself.

it's a prickly situation, bc no matter what......... :(

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honestly... i get that way too sometimes.. every woman does i think... but still its not healthy for her to be THAT depressed about it... suggest working out together at the gym... do things with her that will keep her active and less worried about her body... i find that when im the most lazy, is when im the most critical of my body... keeping myself busy and active helps... assure her that u dont like rail thin girls... the look is OLD! reassure her of how truly beautiful she is... take pictures of her, SHOW her how much more beautiful she looks that anything on the cover of a magazine... the trick is to try to open her eyes to more than whats in her own when she looks at herself.. once a girl gets that image of herself that shes "fat" its hard to overcome that on her own... and merely losing the weight might not be enough b/c she could gain it back 10x faster than she lost it and be that much more miserable... she probably doesnt even need to lose weight according to u...so dont encourage her to lose weight... maybe going to the gym will help her mindset.. and maybe get her into more shape and will make her feel better who knows..

telling her how u feel should definitely help... lettin her know that ur love is unconditional no matter what and that even though her hips might be a lil wider than sarah michelle gellar's, shes still perfect in ur eyes... u know?

i know that i hear it from my boyfriend a lot... and it does most definitely help raise my self esteem and how i view myself... a long as i know that im the most beautiful thing in his eyes, then i have no reason to be upset about my body. :idea:

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Originally posted by sassa

you can't do anything for her. she has to help herself. if she feels so bad about herself, she should go lose the weight. it's sad when people place such importance on the way they look, but i guess it depends on your environment.

was there something that happened to trigger these emotions? has she been feeling insecure about your relationship, perhaps she caught you checking out other girls or something?

wish i had a clear answer for you, but i don't. good luck and hope she feels better.

sassa

I could understand if someone had to constantly deal with being called fat or something like that, but she hasn't experienced any of that, and she's not even fat! Her sister even told her that she has to stop thinking this way, but I guess you're right when you say I can't really help her. People tell me that I have nothing to be depressed about and not to feel down, but I always do (and I'm getting help). I guess it's sort of the same thing.

As for her feeling insecure about our relationship, I couldn't tell her more how much I love her and her body. I just downloaded some info from the net. I'm going to give it to her and explain that I'm not trying to force her to get help, but it wouldn't be a bad idea to read more about it and consider it. I guess that's all I really can do.

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i have a friend who went through the EXACT SAME THING.

she'd cry at night, do lots of degrading things and lots of drugs. she wanted to be like the girls in the magazines.

i tried to help her at one point but it's very very difficult. Help MUST come from within. by coddling her you are only allowing her to sustain her own poor self-image so long as she has a crutch to prevent her from completely vanishing into the abyss (that would be you).

don't put up with shit. Be sensitive and kind, but sorry to say man... if she keeps up with this, then perhaps she's not the girl for you. That's no way to go through life constantly picking someone's spirits up. It'll drain you until you are no different than them.

it's hard to let someone know that image isn't everything. Even being kind and understanding and trying to tell them that it's what inside that counts, will NOT work.

remember, more often than not they've brainwashed themselves into this state. the only way out of it lies in their hands, not yours.

best wishes.

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I think it's great that you care, some good advice given above.

Tell her you love her body, and her beauty is what first attracted you to her (It's the first thing everyone sees. Unless it's a penpal or something), but it's your love within your souls that will live forever.

Remind her that love is within the heart. As people grow old it's this love within two people that is beautiful. Everyone grows old, and will never look as beautiful as they did when they were younger. But remind her she doesn't have to worry anymore, she is with you, you love her for whom she is and always will....

The most beautiful girl you've ever met.

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