shadowchaser Posted December 12 Report Share Posted December 12 1. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) inthe world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim,Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per house hold, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.2. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to thedifferent time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming hetravels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian householdwith a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park thesleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings,distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.3. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element.Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set(two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).4. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance-this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as aspacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair ofreindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per secondeach. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however,since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s.in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of17,500g's.A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.5. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.Merry Fuckin' Christmas ------------------ maybe someday is when it all stops or maybe someday always comes again...shadowchaser076@aol.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~surreal~ Posted December 12 Report Share Posted December 12 LOL. cute, thanx for sharing Grinch. ------------------ We are here only if you believe, but believe only if you are certain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalist Posted December 12 Report Share Posted December 12 Nothing like a Caltech scientist to ruins\ a perfectly swell Christmas.Ba Humbug to you too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djfrostcali Posted December 12 Report Share Posted December 12 didn't you know? That's why santa has elves...they weigh less (less centrifugal force...which doesn't exist anyway...its centripetal force...I think) and they're disposable. One kicks the bucket...on with the next. It's not that santa's mean, he's just economical and wants to run an efficient business.Besides, since FedEx was created, Santa's been sharing his workload. Call them up...they'll varify the old fat bastard's been sending his business their way.merry x-mas... djfrost Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowchaser Posted December 12 Author Report Share Posted December 12 Originally posted by ~surreal~:LOL. cute, thanx for sharing Grinch. Hehe...no problem...I'm just trying to spread the holiday cheer.Cute polar bear...my spiritual guide is a polar bear...long story. Did you also know that polar bears are left handed...they are. ------------------ maybe someday is when it all stops or maybe someday always comes again...shadowchaser076@aol.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suspect X Posted December 12 Report Share Posted December 12 My question has always been: You've got all these Reindeer up there flying around the world, they have to get hungry, hence they have to eat, hence they have to . . . "make deposits," right? So where does it all go?S ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowchaser Posted December 12 Author Report Share Posted December 12 Originally posted by siddeebeaux:My question has always been: You've got all these Reindeer up there flying around the world, they have to get hungry, hence they have to eat, hence they have to . . . "make deposits," right? So where does it all go?S Stocking stuffers?------------------ maybe someday is when it all stops or maybe someday always comes again...shadowchaser076@aol.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suspect X Posted December 13 Report Share Posted December 13 EEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! S ------------------ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ezdreamer Posted December 13 Report Share Posted December 13 No wonda... I've been waiting for Santa for a long ass time... and he nevah showed... now that I know he's dead... what about the tooth fairy? I hope she's hot...------------------Dream a little dream... and fawk the dejavus and nightmares! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dlish Posted December 13 Report Share Posted December 13 Santa's not dead...I saw him picking up a transvestite hooker on Santa Monica Blvd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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