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Where do you live ? (Non Sexual Joke)


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Subject: HOW TO TELL WHERE YOU LIVE.....

:blank: You live in California when...

>

> 1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

> 2. The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.

> 3. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

> 4. You know how to eat an artichoke.

> 5. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

> 6. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it

> will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

>

:blank: You live in New York City when...

>

> 1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

> 2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.

> 3. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus

> Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

> 4. You think Central Park is "nature,"

> 5. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

> 6. You've worn out a car horn.

> 7. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

>

> You live in upstate New York when...

>

> 1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

> 2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

> 3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

> 4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

> 5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

>

:blank: You live in the Deep South when...

>

> 1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

> 2."ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.

> 3. After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"

> 4. "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.

> 5. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

>

:blank: You live in Colorado when...

>

> 1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

> 2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.

> 3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

> 4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

>

:blank: You live in the Midwest when...

>

> 1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

> 2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

> 3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

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