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lollib

TOO many times???

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Ok, so my friend has been dating this guy for almost 2 years. He is 32 and she is 26 and they are on a break right now- for the 3rd time. She always says how selfish he is but she thinks by them taking this time, he will do some thinking and change his ways. I believe that people dont change. They may get back and things may be all happy in the beginning but will eventually go back to how they were. I listen and support her but I dont think they should be together. She just says he is selfish and that really bothers her. What does everyone else think?

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Im in a very similar situation, only i think it's the other way around.

The girl i've been seeing on and off for 3 years tends to be selfish, more selfish than me at least. And we've taken breaks, gotten together, broke up, the whole 9 yards.

Now we're talking again, and i know she truly likes me like that. But she's still in school, and not sure of who she is, so in a way i kind of understand where she's coming from.

But your friends, 26 and 32, are already at a point in their lives where they should more or less know what they want without going thru this constant break and get back together thing.

For my situation, im learning to accept it, and i hope that one day the constant breaks will cease. But for your friend, in her situation, i think she's just wasting time.

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...maybe he'll be a three time loser and this will be the last break...i would need more info to really gauge this situation...but either way, i'm not a proponent of "breaks"...especially if it is a longer type relationship...deal with your shit or move on...things DO go back to normal but for how long...people do change but it takes a very special person to do that and even so, doesnt sound like that's what's going on here...otherwise there wouldnt have been a break number 2...

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Originally posted by gmccookny

For my situation, im learning to accept it, and i hope that one day the constant breaks will cease. But for your friend, in her situation, i think she's just wasting time.

...you reminded me of a quote...

"We preach best what we need to learn."

...you are your own person george, but it does appear to many that you should be taking your own advice...

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And she is thinking about marrying him. He says he needs the break to make his checklist before he totally commits to her but this is the 3rd time he is saying it. I dont believe in the whole taking time thing either but everyone is different. She says he only thinks about himself and I honestly dont think this break will change anything. If they didnt take breaks before then maybe I could see it. I just dont know what this 3rd time will accomplish.

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Originally posted by phatman

...you reminded me of a quote...

"We preach best what we need to learn."

...you are your own person george, but it does appear to many that you should be taking your own advice...

i know i know i know :blank:

Believe it or not, i've come a long way. No longer am i waiting for her to call, nor looking at it as a sure thing.

I have accepted the fact and realized that for now we can't be fully serious. I know that there are kinks in the system, but im willing to stick around somewhat and see the progression.

But my situation sounds different than lollib's. Me and Nic are relatively young (24 + 22), and we're still uncertain of things. But her friends are older and shouldn't be going thru too many breaks. 3 to me is still ok, but after that you gotta start thinking....

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Originally posted by lollib

And she is thinking about marrying him. He says he needs the break to make his checklist before he totally commits to her but this is the 3rd time he is saying it. I dont believe in the whole taking time thing either but everyone is different. She says he only thinks about himself and I honestly dont think this break will change anything. If they didnt take breaks before then maybe I could see it. I just dont know what this 3rd time will accomplish.

I think she should give him an ultimatum. That's the only solution i can think of.

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Originally posted by phatman

...you reminded me of a quote...

"We preach best what we need to learn."

haha. that is so true. anyway to preach something i wish i could do myself: she should get away. constantly trying to make something work that doesnt work is not how a relationship should be, things should flow. being alone isnt so bad. also, peopel dont realize that when you forget about the person youre obsessing over, there are so many other people out there who will make u happier than them, you just have to allow yourself to see things more objectively.

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