Jump to content
Clubplanet Nightlife Community

this is tooo wierd


Recommended Posts

My friend posted this on another board..

'TIME-TRAVELER' BUSTED FOR INSIDER TRADING

Wednesday March 19, 2003

NEW YORK -- Federal investigators have arrested an enigmatic Wall Street wiz on insider-trading charges -- and incredibly, he claims to be a time-traveler from the year 2256!

Sources at the Security and Exchange Commission confirm that 44-year-old Andrew Carlssin offered the bizarre explanation for his uncanny success in the stock market after being led off in handcuffs on January 28.

"We don't believe this guy's story -- he's either a lunatic or a pathological liar," says an SEC insider.

"But the fact is, with an initial investment of only $800, in two weeks' time he had a portfolio valued at over $350 million. Every trade he made capitalized on unexpected business developments, which simply can't be pure luck.

"The only way he could pull it off is with illegal inside information. He's going to sit in a jail cell on Rikers Island until he agrees to give up his sources."

The past year of nose-diving stock prices has left most investors crying in their beer. So when Carlssin made a flurry of 126 high-risk trades and came out the winner every time, it raised the eyebrows of Wall Street watchdogs.

"If a company's stock rose due to a merger or technological breakthrough that was supposed to be secret, Mr. Carlssin somehow knew about it in advance," says the SEC source close to the hush-hush, ongoing investigation.

When investigators hauled Carlssin in for questioning, they got more than they bargained for: A mind-boggling four-hour confession.

Carlssin declared that he had traveled back in time from over 200 years in the future, when it is common knowledge that our era experienced one of the worst stock plunges in history. Yet anyone armed with knowledge of the handful of stocks destined to go through the roof could make a fortune.

"It was just too tempting to resist," Carlssin allegedly said in his videotaped confession. "I had planned to make it look natural, you know, lose a little here and there so it doesn't look too perfect. But I just got caught in the moment."

In a bid for leniency, Carlssin has reportedly offered to divulge "historical facts" such as the whereabouts of Osama Bin Laden and a cure for AIDS.

All he wants is to be allowed to return to the future in his "time craft."

However, he refuses to reveal the location of the machine or discuss how it works, supposedly out of fear the technology could "fall into the wrong hands."

Officials are quite confident the "time-traveler's" claims are bogus. Yet the SEC source admits, "No one can find any record of any Andrew Carlssin existing anywhere before December 2002."

Weekly World News will continue to follow this story as it unfolds. Keep watching for further developments.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

what if he wanted to make a quick buck now and take the money back into the future with him?

or

make a quick buck now, deposit it in his bank account in a bank that is still existant 200 years from now, and the warp speed into the future where he would be able to take out the $350 million + the accumulated interest in his time?

then again, maybe a stick of gum will be worth $350 million 200 years from now. :shaky:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The only thing about letting it sit is that it does just that. A lot of banks, no matter how much money you have will pull the cash if it lays untouched for many years. Aso you are taking a risk of the bank still being around 200+ years from now. And if you take the money with you, how do you know it's still going to be worth anything. Just think of all the peolpe that were laying around on thier French Francs or German Marks. Those are worthless now.

Me personally, I would've taken the 350Mil, and just chilled out here in 2003 until it was all gone. And also, how do we know that the guy can actually go "back to the future"? Maybe he's stuck here, waiting for the "quantum leap".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by therunner

The only thing about letting it sit is that it does just that. A lot of banks, no matter how much money you have will pull the cash if it lays untouched for many years. Aso you are taking a risk of the bank still being around 200+ years from now. And if you take the money with you, how do you know it's still going to be worth anything. Just think of all the peolpe that were laying around on thier French Francs or German Marks. Those are worthless now.

Me personally, I would've taken the 350Mil, and just chilled out here in 2003 until it was all gone. And also, how do we know that the guy can actually go "back to the future"? Maybe he's stuck here, waiting for the "quantum leap".

well if he is travelling in from th efuture he wouldcertainly be in a position to know what bank would be in existance 200 years from now dont you think?

shit, he would be able to see if another superpower emerges and make all of the 350 million into that currency and then he would even have more money then. if i was him, i would just buy 350 million worth of bazooka bubble gum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Originally posted by nourishment

Wouldn't it be smarter to open up a bank account in your name and let like 10,000 dollars (which probably wouldn't even been that much two hundred years from now) sit around and accrue interest?

A really smart guy would just get the winning powerball numbers.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
×
  • Create New...