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think before you speak

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Ever spoken and wished that you could take the words back...or that you

could crawl into a hole?

Here are a few people who do...


I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked

loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned

around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a

word...he knew better.

Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX


I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was

unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several

minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at

the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him

and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI


Nuts about You...My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that

sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy

behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just

looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy

grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has

never let me forget.

Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD


While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some

pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after

receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her

that if she did not start behaving "right now," she would be punished. To

my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,

"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you

kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this

enlightening exchange.

Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my

dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing

I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old

son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It

was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled

something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she

was clean. Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while,

so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No." I kept thinking, "Oh

Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."

Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he

replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell

was getting worse. Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an

accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and

spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30

people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing! He calmly pulled up

his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me

for the best laugh they'd ever had!


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very

embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before

she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any...a true

story...We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to

have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's

that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave

the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

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