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Hussein's call to trance


groovefire

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DUBAI (Reuters) - In a startling television broadcast which aired on an Arabic-language television channel early this morning, former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein announced a call to trance music, asking all loyal supporters to attend the Paul Van Dyke performance at Boston’s Avalon nightclub this Friday night.

Meanwhile, opponents to Hussein, and terrorist organizations generally, will convene at nearby Pravda 116, as protest to the atrocities committed by Hussein and trance music. In response to Hussein, U.S. President George Bush had this to say:

“Those who support America, those who support democracy, those who support a peaceful coexistence among the world’s nations must pledge their time, energy and drunkenness to the house music movement of America's own Groovefire at Pravda 116 Friday night. To do otherwise is tantamount to turning a cheek from the worldwide terrors perpetrated by Hussein and trance music.”

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SANTA MONICA, Calif. (Reuters) - Eight people were killed and dozens injured on Wednesday when a speeding car with an 86-year-old man at the wheel barreled for three blocks through a crowded street market in the Los Angeles suburb of Santa Monica.

Witnesses said the driver appeared dazed, seemingly in a "trance". Police can only speculate at this time that Paul Van Dyke's self-absorbed CD "Out There And Back", which was heard by many being played loudly from the automobile at the time incident, is at least partly to blame.

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HONG KONG (AFP) - Hong Kong apprently has not rid itself of the SARS epidemic yet, a report released this morning says. The report blames a recent Paul Van Dyke appearance for the return of the illness, staing "Sick trance music breakdowns can, in fact, make you sick." Hong Kong officials are considering an embargo of all European trance DJs.

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E Online - Salsa's inimitable queen Celia Cruz, she of the towering vocals and wigs to match, has died, her publicist announced.

Her husband of four decades, Pedro Knight, was at her side in their Fort Lee, New Jersey, home when she died Wednesday afternoon.

Mr. Knight told E Online that while Celia was no doubt a fighter, she simply could not bare to live in a world with Paul Van Dyke and trance music.

Cruz was 77.

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FRANKFURT (Reuters) - German prosecutors said on Thursday there were no indications that a former U.S. Marine who ran off with a 12-year-old British schoolgirl had sexual relations with her while they were in Germany.

A spokeswoman for the state prosecutors office also told journalists that they believe the suspect will be found at the Paul Van Dyke show tomorrow night in Boston, in search of more 12-year-old girls.

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Tropical Storm Danny forms in the Atlantic

7/17/2003 5:30 A.M.

Matt Newman, Meteorologist

Tropical Update, The Weather Channel

The 2003 Atlantic hurricane season is off to a fast start. Only in two other years have there been four named tropical systems this early on. The reason for the extreme weather this year: TRANCE MUSIC.

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If you consider yourself a trance fan, you best consider as well the company you are in:

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HITLER – trance fan.

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CASTRO – trance fan.

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WILLIAM ZABKA – star of Karate Kid and Just One of the Guys, number one ’80 movies douche bag, AND trance fan.

NOW IS THAT THE KIND OF PEOPLE WHO WANT TO CONSORT WITH? I DIDN’T THINK SO. SEE YOU AT PRAVDA!

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