funeralhome Posted July 23 Report Share Posted July 23 Women vs Men 1. NAMES If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara. If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy. 2. EATING OUT When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. 4. BATHROOMS A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. 5. ARGUMENTS A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. 6. CATS Women love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. 7. FUTURE A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. 8. SUCCESS A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. 9. MARRIAGE A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. 10. DRESSING UP A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. 11. NATURAL Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. 12. OFFSPRING Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. 13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
guest00901 Posted July 23 Report Share Posted July 23 :laugh: That was cute Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i3itch Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 :laugh: #7's great.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daemoncel Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 #6 is so true, especially between me and my Brother IN Law.. that fuckin get gets thrown every which way!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funeralhome Posted July 24 Author Report Share Posted July 24 Originally posted by daemoncel #6 is so true, especially between me and my Brother IN Law.. that fuckin get gets thrown every which way!!! you kick your cat?? tsk tsk tsk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbbooom Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 Originally posted by eckobarbie1 you kick your cat?? tsk tsk tsk cats suck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sexxyme Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 LMAOOOO:laugh: :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fkornre Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 very funny:laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cintron Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 har fucking har. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daemoncel Posted July 24 Report Share Posted July 24 Originally posted by eckobarbie1 you kick your cat?? tsk tsk tsk we don't really kick it, we just throw her around and scare the living daylights out of it.. i mean don't get me wrong, i love the stupid thing, but you can't help it.. you just want to squash her to a million pieces.. and then slam her on the ground (not that i do...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbbooom Posted July 25 Report Share Posted July 25 Originally posted by eckobarbie1 3. MONEY A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. truuuuuuuuuue Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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