CONFUSED: Advice Needed

[ladyshady]

Okay. I'm gunna make this as short as I can.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. Now, I went away over the summer with a bunch of my girls. And at this time I wasn't really sure if I loved him or not, or how much I loved him, or how long this was gunna last. But I went on vacation with him in mind, and didn't want to cheat, and I'm not a cheating person at all. Well, that didn't happen and I wound up talking to a few guys. I mean, I made out with a few guys(and by a few I mean like 3, not 23 lol) during some really drunken nights at a club. (A little kissing doesn't hurt now does it?) And one time it ended up being a little more than innocent making out and this guy went down on me(no, not in the club lol) So me and that guy started haning. And well, the inevitable happened one night, we had sex. Well, sort of. We started to, but then I said I'm sorry I really can't do this I have a boyfriend. He was a cool guy and he understood, so we stopped.

Now when i came home, I told my boyfriend SOME of what happened. (i.e. making out with a few guys and the oral sex thing) He was a little upset but glad I told him right away and didn't lie to him.

Since then I have NEVER done ANYTHING with another guy. The thought has never crossed my mind. I really love this guy.

Now, months later, we've been together and things have been great. And I know he's never cheated on me and I feel REALLY guilty about what happened with that guy that I didn't tell him about.

Part of me says ..I've kept it from him for so long, why tell him now and fuck things up?

Then the other part says ..I love him so much and he deserves to know.

But I'm so afraid he won't believe me that I stopped having sex with the guy BECAUSE OF HIM. I mean, if he told me this story I don't know if I would believe hiim either.

And I'm afraid he will break up with me because of all this

Can someone help? Any advice??? :confused:

[happyface]

Dam ladyshady thats really fucked up,i mean seriously.If I was your bf and you tell me that you were with another dude or 3 whatever and even though you told me straight I will give you the silent treatment for lyfe.No ifs or buts. I always go by if you didnt once youll do it again.And if he forgave you or gave you another chance then make the best of it,and dont mention about the guy he doesnt know cause then you wont be so lucky and if he forgives you there then hes a sucker.

just my.02 centavos.

I hope things clear up for you,but whatever happens remember you deserve it.PEACE.

[tastey]

surrrrrrre you weren´t cheating on him :laugh:

jeeeez some women are really pathetic.

just a little hint. don´t tell him. EVER. if you do, he´ll know you lied to him all the time. and everytime from then on you´ll be out with your girlfriends (or just anytime you´re out without him) he´ll worry you´ll do it again. it will destroy your relationship.

you can´t be trusted and you´re a lying bitch, that´s okay, just don´t tell him and leave him with his fantasy image of you

[ladyshady]

Originally posted by tastey

surrrrrrre you weren´t cheating on him :laugh:

jeeeez some women are really pathetic.

just a little hint. don´t tell him. EVER. if you do, he´ll know you lied to him all the time. and everytime from then on you´ll be out with your girlfriends (or just anytime you´re out without him) he´ll worry you´ll do it again. it will destroy your relationship.

you can´t be trusted and you´re a lying bitch, that´s okay, just don´t tell him and leave him with his fantasy image of you

you're an asshole, did anyone ever tell you that ?

im glad you've acquired so much about me from my post to call me a lying cheating bitch. go fist yourself.

[naughtybabe]

I think if you bothered to post this on Cp then its serious..

If you want to come clean I think thats great and it also takes a

lot of guts to do so but just remember that chances are he might

wants nothing to do with you or maybe forgive you depending

on how much he loves you, etc.

Keep in mind that its hard to accept someone you care for cheated on you..

You guys might even still stay together but I can guarantee

you that things WON't be the same and this is something you

need to take into consideration... If you dont tell him it will eventually come out.

[tastey]

Originally posted by ladyshady

im glad you've acquired so much about me from my post to call me a lying cheating bitch. .

:laugh:

humor me, what would you call yourself??

[mangledx]

not to start any shit.....

but if this was a guy who cheated on his gilfriend....he would be a scumbag, dick, ASSHOLE....etc.....but a girl does it on her boyfriend...its ok??? its soooo funny....

[tastey]

Originally posted by mangledx

not to start any shit.....

but if this was a guy who cheated on his gilfriend....he would be a scumbag, dick, ASSHOLE....etc.....but a girl does it on her boyfriend...its ok??? its soooo funny....

:laugh:

yeah, they even complain about being called a lying, cheating bitch even if they are exactly that... too fuckin funny

[somebitch]

damn. ideally, i would think that since you went that far with the other guy, you probably dont love your bf as much as you think. if you really loved him you wouldnt have let yourself get into the situation where you would be fucking another guy. also, if you really cared about him you wouldnt have made out with 3 guys while you were away. i know feelings grow over time but i think when you really care about someone, everything you do, you do with their feelings in mind. i bet you this relationship wont last for reasons other than your cheating, if you look at it that way, you might as well tell him. if you want to wait and let it all unravel over time and inner guilt, go ahead that is your prerogative...

[ladyshady]

Originally posted by naughtybabe

I think if you bothered to post this on Cp then its serious..

If you want to come clean I think thats great and it also takes a

lot of guts to do so but just remember that chances are he might

wants nothing to do with you or maybe forgive you depending

on how much he loves you, etc.

Keep in mind that its hard to accept someone you care for cheated on you..

You guys might even still stay together but I can guarantee

you that things WON't be the same and this is something you

need to take into consideration... If you dont tell him it will eventually come out.

thank you, i know someone would be helpful around here

yeah, i dont post much about my personal life on cp....but im really confused on this one

i dont know what im gunna do. it was a mistake. a big mistake. and it was months ago, and a lot has changed in our relationship since then. i dont think im gunna tell him, it will just really fuck things up. but it has just been on my mind a lott lately. i guess i shouldnt tell him, for now....

[tastey]

Originally posted by somebitch

damn. ideally, i would think that since you went that far with the other guy, you probably dont love your bf as much as you think. if you really loved him you wouldnt have let yourself get into the situation where you would be fucking another guy. also, if you really cared about him you wouldnt have made out with 3 guys while you were away. i know feelings grow over time but i think when you really care about someone, everything you do, you do with their feelings in mind. i bet you this relationship wont last for reasons other than your cheating, if you look at it that way, you might as well tell him. if you want to wait and let it all unravel over time and inner guilt, go ahead that is your prerogative...

well spoken!

[ladyshady]

Originally posted by somebitch

damn. ideally, i would think that since you went that far with the other guy, you probably dont love your bf as much as you think. if you really loved him you wouldnt have let yourself get into the situation where you would be fucking another guy. also, if you really cared about him you wouldnt have made out with 3 guys while you were away. i know feelings grow over time but i think when you really care about someone, everything you do, you do with their feelings in mind. i bet you this relationship wont last for reasons other than your cheating, if you look at it that way, you might as well tell him. if you want to wait and let it all unravel over time and inner guilt, go ahead that is your prerogative...

yeah, your right. but at the time I had only been with him for a little while and things weren't going that well. so i was kinda like just fuck it. i'm on vacation with my girls, im gunna have a little fun. now mind you, i didnt go crazy running around getting with every guy. i still knew i had a boyfriend.

and like i said in my first post, i'm not a cheater. I've never cheated on one of my boyfriends before, ever.

but since then I've grown to love him more and more and realize how great of a relatoinship this is. we really do care and love each other alot. and i just feel like such a dick becuase he's never cheated on me, and he'd never even think about it. neither would i anymore. i dunno, its just one of those things i have to decide for myself weather to tell him or not.

[tastey]

Originally posted by ladyshady

and like i said in my first post, i'm not a cheater.

:laugh:

yesssssss! you said yourself "you knew that you had a boyfriend". still you did it...

for a gender switch, how does that sound: "hey (gf´s name), i never cheated on you, i just fucked a girl i met on vacation a little, a few thrusts, but nothing serious. then i pulled out and stopped because i love you so much"

you GOTTA be fucking kidding me

[happyface]

Well its wrong in evry way you look at it,2 months,5 months whatever but thats done and you cant turn back and change anything or do what about.........think about the present and if you think things will go to shyt by you telling him then fuck it dont.Cuase then he'll never trust you again and if theres no trust they cant be a relationship...........so think about it.........

[mangledx]

Originally posted by tastey

:laugh:

yesssssss! you said yourself "you knew that you had a boyfriend". still you did it...

for a gender switch, how does that sound: "hey (gf´s name), i never cheated on you, i just fucked a girl i met on vacation a little, a few thrusts, but nothing serious. then i pulled out and stopped because i love you so much"

you GOTTA be fucking kidding me

:laugh:

[ladyshady]

Originally posted by tastey

:laugh:

yesssssss! you said yourself "you knew that you had a boyfriend". still you did it...

for a gender switch, how does that sound: "hey (gf´s name), i never cheated on you, i just fucked a girl i met on vacation a little, a few thrusts, but nothing serious. then i pulled out and stopped because i love you so much"

you GOTTA be fucking kidding me

and like i said before, you're an asshole.

can you stop being such a condesending prick and stop passing judgement on something and someone you don't know.

i asked for adivce, not for your half assed german nonsense trying to poke fun at me..

[tastey]

Originally posted by ladyshady

and like i said before, you're an asshole.

can you stop being such a condesending prick and stop passing judgement on something and someone you don't know.

i asked for adivce, not for your half assed german nonsense trying to poke fun at me..

:laugh:

i gave you advice, and you´re making a fool out of yourself ALL by yourself haha

[koky]

Originally posted by happyface

Dam ladyshady thats really fucked up,i mean seriously.If I was your bf and you tell me that you were with another dude or 3 whatever and even though you told me straight I will give you the silent treatment for lyfe.No ifs or buts. I always go by if you didnt once youll do it again.And if he forgave you or gave you another chance then make the best of it,and dont mention about the guy he doesnt know cause then you wont be so lucky and if he forgives you there then hes a sucker.

just my.02 centavos.

I hope things clear up for you,but whatever happens remember you deserve it.PEACE.

i think im gonna have to disagree with you on this one lil bro ... she said she wasnt sure if she loved him yet .. i personally think it would be wrong if she did already love him and he loved her back & they were in a commited relationship... that would be different.. if she knows now that she loves him & still does it then its wrong ... but whatever ... just my opinion.. peace out & good luck shady

[Guest brwneydtrouble]

I would have to agree with Koky.

Relationships change and evolve and you have no way of telling how things will turn out. In your case Shady, it sounds like something like this HAD to happen in order for you to realize how you felt about this guy.....and who knows, it might last because you have been able to put your feelings to the test in a way. Not that that particular instance will be your only test. Sometimes, like in my case, I was totally devoted to my ex fiance - I never even looked at another guy, didn't know they existed, then after 5 years I came to the realization that I did not love him any more. That I was totally unhappy and stayed more out of convenience than anything else. Relationships can unravel for any reason, there was no cheating, lying, fighting ext. in mine.

I think the most important point right now is whther to tell him the extra bit of info or not......

The fact that you omitted it the first time is a big strike against you. You might be inclined to let sleeping dogs lay........telling him after all this time might breed mistrust and resentment, because he already forgave you the first time.

Now, if it bothers you to the point that you can't sleep at night and such, you better tell him. He will think that you did something because your guilt will be eating at you, and make it obvious. At that point, you can decide whether it will really work or not.

In my opinion....its better to have all the cards on the table, that way there are no surprises, and you tell him in your words, on your own terms.

I wish you the best of luck....its a hard decision to make, because you face the possibility of losing him with either choice.

[TheMrs]

You did it once, you know you fucked up, which is why you haven't done it again.

Get over it!

You now have no doubt in your mind that you love him, so enjoy your relationship.

Besides, reality is that you don't know how long you will last with him anyway.

You're not a bad person honey, men do it all the time.

And this is in my nicest voice possible.... GET OVER IT.

You'll be fine .

[happyface]

Originally posted by themrs

You did it once, you know you fucked up, which is why you haven't done it again.

Get over it!

You now have no doubt in your mind that you love him, so enjoy your relationship.

Besides, reality is that you don't know how long you will last with him anyway.

You're not a bad person honey, men do it all the time.

And this is in my nicest voice possible.... GET OVER IT.

You'll be fine .

men do it all the time and so does females sooooooooo:tongue:

[TheMrs]

Originally posted by happyface

men do it all the time and so does females sooooooooo:tongue:

sooooooooo.... She will live .

[origskeemr]

Aight, after reading everyones post here is my input. I think what you did is really fucked up but of course you already know that. If I were your boyfriend I would have fuckin spit in your face for fucking another man while I was wit you when I have never cheated on you. I mean wtf, do you know how hard it is to find a good boyfriend/girlfriend. I could understand if it was a hook up and you apologized as soon as you got home cause it would show that you made a mistake and were trustworthy, but a dude went down on you and another fucked you. As soon as you got back you should have broken up with him and said you realized shit while you were gone and that would have just showed you had a little amount of respect for him. However, I do see maybe you made the BIGGEST fuckin mistake in your life and didnt want to fuck yourself over which is selfish but whateva. To be quite frank I think he's fuckin whipped so it really wouldnt matter if you told him and explained yourself. The reason I say this is because he's still with you after another guy ate your pussy. I would have spit in your face for just that! However, thats just me and I'm a dick and have a lot of pride. I do think your a nice girl (well by CP) and you def made a big mistake if you truely love this guy, but maybe your young and just arent ready for a relationship yet. You just started your freshman year in college and I know I wasnt ready to be with ANYONE when I was starting college so I never pursued one just got ass. If you truely feel that you love this kid and fucked up BIG TIME then dont tell your boyfriend cause if he stays wit you then he's a psycho. You wouldnt really want that anyway cause in the long run your fucking yourself when you do wanna end it or realize shit. So keep it to yourself.

I hope this post didnt hurt you in anyway cause its just my way of thinking.

[happyface]

Originally posted by koky

i think im gonna have to disagree with you on this one lil bro ... she said she wasnt sure if she loved him yet .. i personally think it would be wrong if she did already love him and he loved her back & they were in a commited relationship... that would be different.. if she knows now that she loves him & still does it then its wrong ... but whatever ... just my opinion.. peace out & good luck shady

Its still wrong,what would you say if you were dating a chick and in 2 or 3 months into the relationship she fucks you over? What are you going to say? Ah,its ok she doesnt love me........if you start going out with someone its cause you have good intentions, if not you can just date and be free to do whatever you want.

goodluck ladyshady we all make mistakes and learn from them.

[c-luv]

Lady~

This is the type of thing u gotta figure out for yourself. You know him a million times better than all of us....if you think you guys could survive that kind of news, then def. tell him...keeping things like that from your bf/gf is just bad. All it does is lead to future problems. Just remember that everything happens for reason, so if u break up, maybe he wasnt the one for you. If you stay together, maybe that proves the strength of your relationship, think about it that way.

BTW....this just proves that cheatin' isn't worth it...one night or whatever it is....isn't worth hurting someone you love and probably losing them forever.