CONFUSED: Advice Needed

[infinite]

Honestly I think he deserves to know. I happen to be big on fidelity, loyalty, and honesty myself. I've seen to much shit from my brothers and it disgusts me. But then again If he does stay with you, you have to realize that your giving him a "get outta jail" free card. So basically that one night you and him get into a fight, if he does cheat you really can't "say" anything. But then again he might not ever cheat but again you have indirectly given him a "right" to. So if you can put up with that then tell him. If you feel guilty, tell him. If you feel you can stomach the guilt don't tell him. Basically the only 3 legit probale outcomes that your situation will result in. Buena Suerte Nicole.

P.S. - I think she feels pretty guilty as it is, enough guys?

[anotherway83]

IMO women are usually alot more willing to stay with a guy even after knowing he has fucked other women, but men usually arent that way, i know if my girl did sumthing like that, it'd be over right away

but IMO u need to rethink ur relationship, u were only away for a short while and u fucked one guy, made out with 2 others, that is not a strong relationship in any sense of the term...

now personally i dont think u're a bitch (u're definitely no mother teresa tho, lol) , but i dont totally blame tastey for thinking that way about u...u've gotta see it from a guy's perspective also, u know

[phuturephunk]

... Cheating is not an appropriate form of therapy for a relationship...

... It all comes back to the female need to justify shit like this from a spiritual/emotional standpoint, whereas guys who do that shit (cheating) do so because she's there, its hot, and he's horny... No thought process, no 'justification', just insert pickle into donut..thrust..repeat...

[ladyshady]

no one is offending me. im reading and taking in what everyone has to say..i appreciate it all, excpet when SOME people act like complete assholes

im not gunna go out and do what one of you say, its up to me because i know my situation because people are adding some things that arent true to the story. but i have to remember its a relationship, not a marriage and sometimes it is good just not to bring unnecessary problems i could easily avoid by not telling him.

[phuturephunk]

...Although tastey's words were harsh, he's right on point..

[ou812]

Originally posted by somebitch

damn. ideally, i would think that since you went that far with the other guy, you probably dont love your bf as much as you think. if you really loved him you wouldnt have let yourself get into the situation where you would be fucking another guy. also, if you really cared about him you wouldnt have made out with 3 guys while you were away. i know feelings grow over time but i think when you really care about someone, everything you do, you do with their feelings in mind. i bet you this relationship wont last for reasons other than your cheating, if you look at it that way, you might as well tell him. if you want to wait and let it all unravel over time and inner guilt, go ahead that is your prerogative...

Definately well said. In my opinion ladyshady (that name is sounding a little ironic) you may very well have not known at the time for sure that you loved your boyfriend or not, but the fact that you went away on vacation and screwed around is still rather deceitful in my opinion. You should've expressed that to him before you left you know (i.e. I want to be free to see other people possibly while I am away). In your heart you may think that you love him, but bottom line, subconciously you do not respect him, otherwise you wouldn't have done this, and beyond that, the fact that he accepted it and more or less took it with a grain of salt will feed into your subconcious more telling yourself that you'll be able to get away with murder w/ this guy, not good.

[origskeemr]

Originally posted by phuturephunk

...Although tastey's words were harsh, he's right on point..

agreed...

Originally posted by ladyshady

im not gunna go out and do what one of you say, its up to me because i know my situation because people are adding some things that arent true to the story. but i have to remember its a relationship, not a marriage and sometimes it is good just not to bring unnecessary problems i could easily avoid by not telling him.

now that I think about it I was def harsh with saying I would spit in your face cause I know I would never spit in my girls face. You just gotta understand that with me putting myself in your boyfriends shoes (been wit my girl for a lil longer than you) I would be heart broken. I would wanna say that I could just forget about you the day I heard the news but the truth is I wouldnt. That would ruin me considering I love you and not knowing the reason why someone I love would hurt me so bad. I honestly wouldn't really want a relationship again and would have trouble trusting someone. Even though Tastey said it in a dickhead way he stating the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. To have sex with another person could not really be something you consider a mistake, but rather an eye opener. Like I stated before you really need to think if your ready for a relationship. When you decide that first then you...

1. If it's truely bothering you this much then you prob feel bad for him and should tell him. If he leaves you or not I'm sure your ready for the worst. This would be something you would be doing for HIM.

2. Then again if you dont tell him and could put it past you then thats your choice no one elses. Just make sure that if you stay with him dont make that mistake again and learn to apreciate what you have. Always keep in the back of your head how you could have lost it last time. This option would really be for YOURSELF because that means you dont wanna take the chance of loosing him.

Either way good luck...

[proudof3Ys]

I think you should tell him because it's going to drive you crazy.

It's going to be worst if he find out from someone else then from you.

And if he breaks up with you just move on and find yourself someone else.

Saw your pic and your very pretty, so I don't think you have a problem finding someone else:)

[wideskies]

it's funny how people will ask for advice and then act like they don't wanna hear it after all.

*muses*

anyway, if you know in your heart of hearts that you really care for this man and want to stay with him, i would advise not telling him. if it's on your mind a lot, you might want to talk to a counselor about it before deciding to bring it up with your boyfriend. telling him about it before you've made peace with yourself is not going to make it easier. you're feeling guilty, which is natural, but i'm just not sure that telling him what happened is going to make you feel better... especially if he breaks up with you for it.

people make bad mistakes, but it's not always the case that they need to be 'punished' for their mistakes years later.

*edit* re-reading the first post, i see that it hasn't been 'years' since you had your little mishaps. it was actually like two months ago. i find it interesting that you've managed to fall in love with this guy right after you cheated on him. are you sure you're ready for a relationship?

[tommyarmani]

Ladyshady, If your boyfriend has Obsessive compulsive tendencies Do NOT under any circumstances tell him because i am 100% certain it will ruin your relationship.

I also want to know why didnt you come clean all at once? I mean after you told him you kissed 3 diff guys & got eaten out (which is bad enough for allot of guys), why didnt you tell him the other thing also?

[frank4g63]

Originally posted by tommyarmani

Ladyshady, If your boyfriend has Obsessive compulsive tendencies Do NOT under any circumstances tell him because i am 100% certain it will ruin your relationship.

I also want to know why didnt you come clean all at once? I mean after you told him you kissed 3 diff guys & got eaten out (which is bad enough for allot of guys), why didnt you tell him the other thing also?

werd.

[tommyarmani]

Originally posted by frank4g63

werd.

what is so wierd about what i said?

Im just pointing out that if he tends to dwell on things, he'll never be able to forget what she did.

thanks,

Tommy

[badassmafuka]

Originally posted by ladyshady

Okay. I'm gunna make this as short as I can.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. Now, I went away over the summer with a bunch of my girls. And at this time I wasn't really sure if I loved him or not, or how much I loved him, or how long this was gunna last. But I went on vacation with him in mind, and didn't want to cheat, and I'm not a cheating person at all. Well, that didn't happen and I wound up talking to a few guys. I mean, I made out with a few guys(and by a few I mean like 3, not 23 lol) during some really drunken nights at a club. (A little kissing doesn't hurt now does it?) And one time it ended up being a little more than innocent making out and this guy went down on me(no, not in the club lol) So me and that guy started haning. And well, the inevitable happened one night, we had sex. Well, sort of. We started to, but then I said I'm sorry I really can't do this I have a boyfriend. He was a cool guy and he understood, so we stopped.

Now when i came home, I told my boyfriend SOME of what happened. (i.e. making out with a few guys and the oral sex thing) He was a little upset but glad I told him right away and didn't lie to him.

Since then I have NEVER done ANYTHING with another guy. The thought has never crossed my mind. I really love this guy.

Now, months later, we've been together and things have been great. And I know he's never cheated on me and I feel REALLY guilty about what happened with that guy that I didn't tell him about.

Part of me says ..I've kept it from him for so long, why tell him now and fuck things up?

Then the other part says ..I love him so much and he deserves to know.

But I'm so afraid he won't believe me that I stopped having sex with the guy BECAUSE OF HIM. I mean, if he told me this story I don't know if I would believe hiim either.

And I'm afraid he will break up with me because of all this

Can someone help? Any advice??? :confused:

I really think you should tell him, yes you are 100% wrong..

I think he deserves the truth.. Well and if he does leave you thats fine... these are consequences you have to face when you cheat

[jimk29]

But I'm so afraid he won't believe me that I stopped having sex with the guy BECAUSE OF HIM. I mean, if he told me this story I don't know if I would believe hiim either.

And I'm afraid he will break up with me because of all this

He should break up with you because of this... some guy's dick was in you!! Stop trying to initiate sympathy for yourself...

[badassmafuka]

Originally posted by jimk29

But I'm so afraid he won't believe me that I stopped having sex with the guy BECAUSE OF HIM. I mean, if he told me this story I don't know if I would believe hiim either.

And I'm afraid he will break up with me because of all this

He should break up with you because of this... some guy's dick was in you!! Stop trying to initiate sympathy for yourself...

her poor boyfriend is going to go home go down on her and taste some other guys dick in his mouth

[lustforyou]

Originally posted by tastey

:laugh:

humor me, what would you call yourself??

she should call herself HUMAN people make mistakes you fuckin g judgmental looser. hv a nice day

[origskeemr]

Originally posted by tommyarmani

what is so wierd about what i said?

Im just pointing out that if he tends to dwell on things, he'll never be able to forget what she did.

thanks,

Tommy

hahah he said werd not wierd. Clean your ears jerky

Thanks,

Rizzo

Originally posted by tommyarmani

her poor boyfriend is going to go home go down on her and taste some other guys dick in his mouth

That fuckin sucks. I dunno what I would do if that happened to me.

[lustforyou]

damn this is a hard one on one hand honesty is the best thing for any relationship but i can understand your afraid to lose him at this point in my life I would be honest with him cuz the guilt would kill me.

[sweetie029]

Originally posted by ladyshady

Okay. I'm gunna make this as short as I can.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 7 months. Now, I went away over the summer with a bunch of my girls. And at this time I wasn't really sure if I loved him or not, or how much I loved him, or how long this was gunna last. But I went on vacation with him in mind, and didn't want to cheat, and I'm not a cheating person at all. Well, that didn't happen and I wound up talking to a few guys. I mean, I made out with a few guys(and by a few I mean like 3, not 23 lol) during some really drunken nights at a club. (A little kissing doesn't hurt now does it?) And one time it ended up being a little more than innocent making out and this guy went down on me(no, not in the club lol) So me and that guy started haning. And well, the inevitable happened one night, we had sex. Well, sort of. We started to, but then I said I'm sorry I really can't do this I have a boyfriend. He was a cool guy and he understood, so we stopped.

Now when i came home, I told my boyfriend SOME of what happened. (i.e. making out with a few guys and the oral sex thing) He was a little upset but glad I told him right away and didn't lie to him.

Since then I have NEVER done ANYTHING with another guy. The thought has never crossed my mind. I really love this guy.

Now, months later, we've been together and things have been great. And I know he's never cheated on me and I feel REALLY guilty about what happened with that guy that I didn't tell him about.

Part of me says ..I've kept it from him for so long, why tell him now and fuck things up?

Then the other part says ..I love him so much and he deserves to know.

But I'm so afraid he won't believe me that I stopped having sex with the guy BECAUSE OF HIM. I mean, if he told me this story I don't know if I would believe hiim either.

And I'm afraid he will break up with me because of all this

Can someone help? Any advice??? :confused:

Try putting yourself in his shoes.....Say the situation was reversed & he was the one who did this to you.....After all this time would you want to know ? Even if this all happened a while ago?

People make mistakes sometimes.....But this could have all been avoided if you would have NOT hung out w/ the other kid further...but that's said & done w/ now.......

If you tell your bf, I doubt he will be that understanding of this & your relationship will probably be over...but if you don't tell him...eventually the guilt will get to you

It sucks your in a shitty situation now that things are going good w/ your bf......But only you can decide what's good for your relationship....Good Luck

[glittergal]

Originally posted by mangledx

not to start any shit.....

but if this was a guy who cheated on his gilfriend....he would be a scumbag, dick, ASSHOLE....etc.....but a girl does it on her boyfriend...its ok??? its soooo funny....

tell me then why a guy can easily have three girls and be considered a man or playa at the worst and a girl is considered a whore if she does that???????

Time to throw that double standard out the fuckin window

[tastyt]

Well what do you really hope to accomplish by telling him? Are you trying to get your relationship back on the right track by being completely honest? Or are you simply trying to ease your own conscience by sharing your self-inflicted burden with him? I don't know whether or not it's best to tell him, only you can make that call, but either way things don't bode well for the relationship.

[tastey]

Originally posted by lustforyou

she should call herself HUMAN people make mistakes you fuckin g judgmental looser. hv a nice day

:laugh:

[rfkfreak]

I have to laugh at this whole thread, really I do...

Ok first off, if things weren't going good with your bf when you went away you might have considered telling him that you wanted to just date. Second, like someone mentioned earlier, you had kissed this kid and still hung out with him some more and then he went down on you and then later you guys had sex. Now you prefaced all this by saying, "A little kissing doesn't hurt now does it?" Well gee, if you're supposed to be in a relationship that I'm going to presume is monogomous, then yes, it does. By standard definition, you're supposed to be true to that one person, if not, then what's the point, whether drunken or not. Now yes people make mistakes but by asking if it doesn't hurt, you're looking for some kind of justification instead of accepting it for what it is. That, plus you added "lol" I'd imagine to try and use it as a humorous defense mechanism. Then you readily admit that "the inevitable happened one night, we had sex." Well, if you knew it was inevitable, why would put yourself in this situation? It has nothing to do with being confused about your feelings for him at the time or anything of that nature. From a respect point of view, if you're in a relationship with someone then there's certain things that you just do and don't put yourself in a position where it's more than likely that something will happen. Finally, yes you did tell him about making out with guys and the guy going down on you and what not but then you end it with, "I told him right away and didn't lie to him." From a standard definition point of view, yes you didn't like to him, that is true. But you did withhold the truth from him, were dishonest and as mentioned before, didn't tell him probably because you wanted to save your own ass. In anycase, maybe your feelings have changed and what not but I'm with most of the guys on this one, he should be told, how he handles it from that point, excluding extremes, is probably going to be a justifiable reaction and behavior.

[rfkfreak]

Originally posted by lustforyou

she should call herself HUMAN people make mistakes you fuckin g judgmental looser. hv a nice day

Sure she should call herself HUMAN, but not because people make mistakes but because people often have premeditated behavior.

[frank4g63]

live and learn, dont do it again and keep it to yourself. no biggee.