**THE COMPLETE RAVER PERSONALITY GUIDE**

[shadowchaser]

The Complete Raver Personality Guide

(An abridged version of the personality guide has appeared in XLR8R and

various places on-line. We persent it here in its entiretly. Enjoy)

Come on admit it, you all old folks out there you were once a:

SEPTEMBER CHILD!

How to spot one: All their gear is new. Clean shoes, brand new Adidas

back pack, perfect parting everytime (Female).

Where to find them: In every big undergrounds, and clubs.

They always appear: Just after the summer, either they were introduced to the scene in

the holidays or at the beginning their

first year in university.

Internet characteristics: Their account has edu behind it.

Their post consists of Lot of "I LovE you all"

"It was so fluffy and PLURry." "I have nEvEr had

friEnds like this. They always capitalisE thEir Es.

Pros: They are grEat to look at. They givE you candy. They makE you smilE

bEcause you havE lost that innocEncE.

Cons: They're annoying when you're pissEd off and recEivE an Email

from thEm, E.g.. "It's all abovE lovE. pEace" In other words what you say

don't count." ThiER posts are hard to rEAd, with the big Es all ovEr it.

They don't know the differEnce bEtween trance and brEakbEat

if it hit them. SO they resort to posts on NNR things.

What they become: Usually they drop out of the mailing list and you never

hear of them again because the e has worn off.

They become cynical and complains like the rest of us, after being

flamed one too many times, been ripped off, given crap

drugs, and gone to bum parties..

Don't feel bad this is YOU! Everyone gets their turn.....

___________________________________

After the September Child stage there are many other variations!!

The Old Sckooler: circa 89-92.

How to spot them: Their clothes have a washout look, the prints of the T-shirt are

faded and have dates that say: 1991.

Where to find them: In the background, in the dark, at the ticket booth and All the

anniversary raves celebrations.

Internet characteristic: They hardly posts (because every thread they have seen

already) but when they do it's to correct someone's

misinformation. (See grouch)

Pros: They answer all your rave related questions. They know the cultural

significance of the fifteen minutes solos. They remember 15 minutes solos!

They have cool stories to tell, esp ones like, "It used to be $5 to get in and

you get free water."

Cons: They complain ALL the time. About how the scene was better, "It used to be $5 to get in and

you get free water." How the ravers now don't have the have the same attitude.

Sometimes they post you realize your smallness. They remind you all the

time they've been around.

Sometimes they also are......

The happy-43-year-old OLD skooler.

How to spot them: Their age, pretty obvious really. They dance the way THEY want,

usually having to give them lots of space.

How you find them: Usually with their spouses, or they're telling you their spouse

tells them to grow up!. In the midst of all these

young people that worship him or her for his/her longevity. Still

dancing when all the 20 year old have had it.

Pros: You can't believe they are still at it! You want to be like them.

Cons: If you're not paying attention and get a glance of them, they make

you think of your parents at home, wondering what you're up to.

__________________________________________________

Edition 3: This is not necessarily evolutionary, but you have to reach the first to get to 2 and

3. Here we have the ultimate raver, the about-burnout-raver, the born again raver.

THE ULTIMATE RAVER:

How you spot them: The have all the clothes that you want. They have more

glow sticks, and bike lights on their bodies then even the

average raver. In the day, they look the same, sans

glow sticks and bike lights.

Where you find them: EVERY rave. Seen dancing anywhere there are strains of techno,

by their car, down the street, anywhere.

Characteristic: They are always there. When they wake up the first thing they do is

put hard trance on and play it real loud.

Pros: Best person to call when you want to go out. They'll always go with you,

and they know where it Is. They give you warning and directions to secret

parties. You can count on them being there. They lend you lots Of tapes.

Cons: They can become About-to-burnout-raver (see below). They don't understand

when you're tired, or don't want to go out.

Pray they don't live in the apt above you.

__________________________________________

The About-to-burn-out raver.

How you spot them: They look more ragged than their 12 year old teddy bear. Their

shoes are a non-discript colour of blah. They haven't washed

their hair for a month, in fact they haven't done that to

their bodies or clothes for a while either.

Where to find them: Again at every rave. But this time, really really at every rave.

Including clubs on the weekdays, and cafes that play techno in the

afternoon.

Characteristics: They are always high, coming down or about to come up. When

they laugh it's a full body laugh where their heads flip backwards, a

nd thier jaws lock. They know everybody.

How you find them: In the day, SLEEPing, among a pile of water bottles, and fliers

and miscellaneous MESS. In fact they can trace each bottle

to the specific rave they were at. They are tired all the time until they

get to one.

Pros: The are great fun. They always can find you the drugs you want, and it

would be great. Sometimes they give you some free.

Cons: They never have any money except to go to raves and for drugs. Keeps

borrowing from you, for important things such as food, rent, and

cigarettes.

What happens to them: Usually a hiatus where they sit in front of the computer and

lives in the rave mailing lists, and seems quite bitter

about not going out, but not having the energy or money.

Become a born again raver (see below).

Worst case scenario: Rehab, or parents.

_____________________________________________

THE BORN AGAIN RAVER. (Straight edge)

How to spot them: They are walking in a straight line. They TELL you.

Internet characteristics: Their posts usually contains some promotion of raving sober

Characteristics: They are clean. They leave at 5am. They always have a

bemused look when you see you fall over, or curled up in

the corner, or bowing to the speaker.

Pros: No more fights about who's driving home. He or she always does.

Cons: You are aware that they will remember things that you don't or pretend not

to. They can laugh at you and there is nothing you can use as ammunition.

________________________________________________________________________

THE INTERNET RAVER PERSONALITY.

The Grouch:

There are usually a few long term grouches on each mailing list. But the

grouch bug catches everyone at somet ime. Another characteristic of the

grouch bug is that you have specific-topic-grouches. Like the

commercialization grouch, the PC grouch, the drugs grouch, the music

grouch, the I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE LETS NOT HAVE NRR

POSTS grouch.

Where you find them: Only found on the internet

How you can spot them: They are telling someone what they wrote was

wrong, stupid, or ignorant. They correct all misinformation

printed in the list, and then say, "Grrrr look it up on the

hyperreal web page, before you posts, the address is: <A HREF="/cgi-bin/redir.cgi?url=http://hyperreal.com.everything/youneedto/know/andmore"" TARGET=_blank&gt;http://hyperreal.com.everything/youneedto/know/andmore"</A>

Their posts are over 6000 words each time.

THEY USE A LOT OF CAPITALS TO MAKE THEIR

POINT!!

Non internet characteristics: They are actually quite pleasant,

intelligent human beings that hardly ever yell. But somehow

change once they sit in front of the screen and can be

anonymous!

Pros: If you support the point they are making for that day, you're happy

because you know you don't even need to say anything, because

this person will say it all for you, in 6000+ words.

Cons: If you get on the wrong side of the debate, you know you'll be in

it for at least 5 days, always defending yourself, because the grouch

is great at finding hidden text in your words that you didn't even

know existed. It's really annoying to delete a hundred posts a day

because you really don't care about the topic, in fact by then the

subject line has nothing to do with the content.

Also known as: Depending on your point of view on the debate, the grouch could

also be seen as "The person who is right." "The person who is

overreacting." "The Flame monger." or just plain dumb.

The grouch has a mutual dependency with the peacemaker.

Neither can exists without the other, like the hippo and that bird that sits on it's

back. Or the screen and the hard drive.

___________________________________________

The Peace Maker

Where you find them: Again on the internet

How you spot them: They are silence for a long time during a debate, and

finally their name pops up and inevitably the post would start of

with: "I really want to stay out of this but............." followed

by, "I want to remind everyone..." Key words founds in the

posts are: "Respect," " Off-line," "Think," and "community,"

Pros: They help end that one post that has been taking up bandwidth

or days. You are even sick of reading the subject heading, let alone

opening the msg. They may save you, if you're the one being flamed.

Cons: When it's directed at you!

You have been riled up to the point of no return, and the grouch bug has

caught you. YOU JUST DON't WANT TO STOP! In fact you have been enjoying,

flaming this person, and the Peacemaker will remind you that you have been

behaving like a fool in public even though you've been sitting at home.

The evolutionary of a thread.

1) E posts something

2) Grouch descends and tells E what is wrong with it.

3) E becomes upset, and writes something in retaliation.

4) Grouch slams what E said.

5) X times a number of people join in on either end.

6) Both Grouch and E are trying to defend their points. E has now caught

the grouch bug.

7) Nobody actually knows who's writing what. There are too many forwarded

arrows, little comments.

8) K flames T about something E said.

9) E flames K, T, L and the WHOLE DAMN List.

10) Grouch his/her camp posts anti E comments,

11) E and his/her camp does the same.

12) By this time, there are four different threads all regarding the

same topic.

13) PEACE MAKER COMES IN.

14) Second PEACE maker comes in.

15) People start to shut up, because the weekend is about to arrive and

there are better things to talk about, such as what is on and where you're going.

Sample Posts

Subject: DJ Gear for sale, (CHeap!)

Content:

I don't want to get into this, but I would like to remind everyone to

take a deep breath. We are a community of people that needs to respect

each other. THINK. Please take this off line. PEACEMAKER,Love, Unity ,

repeat.

----------------------------------------------

"I had a dream...."

Grrls domination Inc. Tel 911-4657

fax: 911-4675

-------------------------- >>>>=\I WANT TO SAY THIS IS AN NRR POST, AND I HAVE SAID THIS

BEFORE.

(The nrr grouch)

>>>>>>Ya know you loud

>>>>>>mouth bastard, You are *+NOT** in a raving for the

>>>>>> *____ right____*

>>>>>>>reason. Mayb

>>>> I want to ask what are the right reasons to rave, music, the drugs,

what. When I use to rave it was about the music...now...it's about drugs."

(born again raver)

>>f--- OFF YOU DICK

e if you need to find something else to do because WE

>>>>>>>don't

>>>>>>>want (((YOU))) here. f---ing idiot.

>> NO! We want *EveryonE hErE! We lovE everyonE, the scEnE is about lovE!*

(SEptEmber child) PLUR

>>>>I want to put in my 2cents, I think the topic we are talking about

is... I really support, em who am I supporting?

>>I didn't say that! SHE did!!!!!

>>> It's me and I said that, and not him!

>>>>>This thread has come out before, many times and as I remember last time, we

>>>>>agreed that there are too many diverging opinions, and decided that we weren't

>>>>>going to fight about this anymore. I know that there are many new people here.

>>>>>(old skooler)

I can't believe you actually

>>>>>>*liked*

>>>>>that song and bought the album. You are _*_NOT_*_ a sane human being."

(list of names, that are now completely disconnected to the body)

_________________________________________________________________

After the internet break. Lets get back to the run of the mill everyday raver.

The DJ

How to spot them: One shoulder is lower than the other. They have bad posture from

bending over their decks. They always have an entourage

surrounding them. Managers, friends that needed to get in free,

groupies of the male or female persuasion. With their gear.

Where to find them: Behind the decks, or hanging out with other DJs.Behind their decks at home.

Characteristics: They are either ultra arrogant, or they are really cool. There is

never an in-between.

Pros: We NEED them. If they're good, they make you ecstatic. Your life

depends on them.When they are starting out, they give you tapes,

they play at your parties for FREE.

Cons: When they suck, your life feels like it's over. If they're your friends

you never see them, because they are either playing, or practicing.

They don't go to the raves unless they're playing at it. you don't go

out with them and when you go to the one they're playing at they are

surrounded.

____________________________________________________

Drug Dealer

Where you find them: Near the doors at the parties, in parking lots. Or

quietly by themselves looking around for people.

How to spot them: The usually yell something subtle lik e"EEEEEEEE"

Or the grab you and say, "I like your

jacket. Do you want some E?" Usually appears standing

alone and sober. By the door.

Cons: When you're already high, they keep asking you, "Are you sure? I can give

you five and take $2 off." because you might be so f---ed up you buy it

anyway. If they're your friend you never know if you want to give them a

ride of not, due to the possession laws.

Pros: Well it's quite obvious really.

Worse case scenario: Bum drugs, i.e. it's a pain killer, or has heroin or PCP.

Complaint: I remember the days when you could talk down the price of a pill to $15,

if you said something like, "Come on I use to sell this stuff, I

know the mark up. Just because you're in the know. Now so many people

take it they laugh in your face.

___________________________________________________

The Tweaker.

Where you find them: In the toilet stalls.

How you spot them: Even within the fast pace world of electronic beats, their movement

per sec surpasses the bass. Thier eyes resemble Japanese cartoon

Characters. Chewing and grinding action of thier mouth.

Characteristics: By 5am they are in a bad mood, and don't want to talk to anyone. They are

asking you every two minutes why you are laughing. When you say you are concerned,

they look you in the eyes, and declare, "I am not a tweaker. I have it under control, okay!"

They are incredibly upset if you say otherwise.

Pros: They can get you to a rave 180 miles away in an hour and a half. They can clean your

car in 15 minutes flat.

Cons: Driving with them is an adventure onto itself. You get no sleep, because they are

calling you at 3am in the evening.

The groupie, or hanger on.

Where you find them: Around somebody important. Either it be a DJ, a promoter, and club

kid, a drug dealer. Hanging out with the other people that put on the rave,

but isn't actually doing anything.

How you spot them. The lone person, or two in a group of people with laminates.

Characteristics: They try to get into things free. They walk to the front of the queue,

and ask for somebody to the security guard. They won't talk to you

unless you know someone or is someone. If they do talk to you,

they name drop. You gets extra points for reconising the name, and

even more points for saying you know the person.

Sample monologue: "Well so I was there in this cafe, and I was having Sunday lunch

with the promoters, yeah, and then Carl Cox comes over and sits

down. Man that was da bomb. You know him? Good, he is da

shits. Funny thing was there was this guy from Moon shine

records, you know, trying to sign my friend onto the label. You

know Moonshine right?"

Pros: They introduce you to the people you might actually care to meet.

Cons: That is if you're cool enough in the first place to deserve to be spoken to.

__________________________________________________

The Candy Raver (north cal), Club kid (Socal) Geographically different terminology.

Where you spot them: Everywhere in the scene.

How to spot them: You can't really miss them can you? In the 7 inch foam platforms.

Incredible makeup, wigs, fluffy flurry jackets, lots of lights and

glow things hanging of them. Glam Glam Glam. Not in addidas

because that's sporty! Don't forget PLASTIC, is the word. They are

wearing clothes and holding things that are great when you're feeling tactile.

What they are not: Drag queens! They are fantastic creatures of the night that have no

gender indentity.

Pros: They are so fun to look at! Some of them, have the most interesting lifes. Go talk to

Trixie who spent some months meditating in a budist temple in Asia. If you are

one, you get in free to events. Sometimes you get paid to go to them.

Cons: When you're their friend, it's hard to get to talk to them, because everyone else is

trying to do the same. They are so visible that everyone comes by to say "hello."

How they start out: That sticker thing! The glitter, the sesame street, soft toys bak

packs, teddy bears, PACIFYERS.

The Scenester.

Where you spot them: The occasional large raves, but usually in the smaller parties

or clubs, where no one goes, especially the early weekday

ones. Invite only parties with industry suit types (they're

sooo hip, they transcend the label of sell out (ahem). Their

own private parties with all other scenesters buddies. They

are always at raves that have no fliers.

How to spot them: The NEVER wear raver fashion, except the sunglasses, and

Mondorama long sleeves black shirts with the bold colour

print (orange, lime green,) some trendy trainers.

Occupation: Industry types, (but not top five record companies) They

work for MGM, Sony, some artsy TV film thang or have

their own record labels or specialty Techno shops. They

manage DJs, groups, or are graphic artists, that off course as

a hobby design fliers. Some are promoters and DJs.

Characteristics: They hate ravers. Especially September Children. Complain about

the fashion, and cringe when they see people on E who runs around

raves holding hands. They are never seen with a whistle. They go to

big events and then talk about how much they prefer the smaller

more "intimate" ones.

Pros: If you hang out with them enough, you get to be included in the oh-so-

exclusive-scenester crowd. You get to go to invite only parties. You get

free stuff.

Cons: They never know what to do with their friends who continue to be

unashamedly "RAVER." (Damn it I like my pigtails, stickers, glitter AND

I like the big events. Suck my left nipple!! Baby!) They hate the people

that support them. Ungrateful bastards.

The GURU spiritualist

Where to find them: All outdoor raves. In the desert, in the mountains. The Full moon

parties.

How to spot one: They look hippyish, but not quite. Real postmodern. The hard core

ones are doing tai chi at sunrise.

Characteristics: Herbal drugs! They love that stuff, not to confused with the stuff

on the market like herbal E. They are into things I can't spell,

bought in health food stores.. They talk about the energy, and

focus, and stuff like that. They try to find the Goddess somewhere

in the rave. At sunrise, or beach parties, the younger ones yell out

exaltations, "Sun oh, sun! You have arrived!" or "The sea, I love

you." Into Goa trance.

Pros: They tell you what to eat and what herbal stuff is going to help your high.

If you're into it, you can go off in the search and swap tips with each

other.

Cons: Some people are just atheist, non-spiritual beings that are there to have fun.

On Sunday mornings, when they preach, you wish you had a door to slam

in their faces.

__________________________________________________________

Fashion raver. (The most despicable off the lot.)

Unfortunately will be appearing more and more.

How to spot them: You just know. They wear glitter, and hello kitty back packs.

Baggy jeans, Vans. The block print shirts. In the DAY. They are so

put together, you know they haven't been dancing.

Where to find them: In the mall. In your classroom. In the bank. Wandering around

somewhere. But NEVER NEVER NEVER at any event.

Pros: There are none.

Cons: They are only wearing the stuff because they saw someone else in them.

They read a magazine, and it said that was cool.They have no idea why you

said "hello." They don't know what the f--- you are talking about when

you ask then where they went on Saturday. They make you think you could

actually talk to them.

Sample conversation:

Raver: Hi

Fashion raver: err.

Raver: Where did you go this Saturday?

FR: Yeah, I went to a raving phat party, there were loads of people scamming and three

kegs.

R: ????

FR: We were hard core!

R: Uhuh, so em who's your favorite DJ?

FR: Adam Carolla on Love Line. I like Dr. Dru but he's not really a DJ.

R: So you don't listen to techno do you?

FR: huh? That repetitive shit. It's so boring.

------------------

"Life's a dance party, then you die."

shadowchaser076@aol.com

[ezdreamer]

Are you writing a freaking book? Took me ten minutes without reading word one to get to the bottom of the post...

------------------

Dream a little dream...

[shadowchaser]

No way Sir Charles....cut & paste my man.

------------------

"Life's a dance party, then you die."

shadowchaser076@aol.com