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Read it and weep people


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This is your day-by-day account of whats going to unfold when the hairy-arsed jocks come a-riding into town:

*First signs of the lunacy to follow will be two/three days before match day when Logan Airport starts smelling of heather (the stuff you find on the hills.....not Paul McCartneys wifes' minge),fine whiskey,sheeps wool,fish+chips and haggis(Despite the fact the plane is still an hour away).

*It'll then take 10 hours for the Scots to get thru customs as each and every one of us will be thoroughly searched for offensive weapons,resulting in thousands of penises getting chopped off with a 5foot gardening tool.

*When the sex-changed foreigners finally get thru,the airports' other travellers cant help but gawp at the strange sight of beefy guys in skirts stomping their way past, with a keg of Guinness under one arm and an inflatable sheep/sex doll/banana (delete where applicable) under the other arm.

*Boston's bars and pubs cant keep up with demand and all the female barstaff have left work early while they find out what sort of meat and two veg can be found under the kilts. Soon after,the city's alcohol levels run out,resulting in a 1920's prohibition-style situation that is only relieved when Norm Petterson donates his kidneys for the thirsty masses.

*Then Bostons workforce cant get home for two reasons. (1)they cant get past the crowd assembled in every Boston city centre street,and (2)they dont want to, as the Scots (and indeed the native Irish) wow the local population with their extensive repertoire of Anti-English songs.Within 30 minutes,all 600,000 of Bostons populus are singing (to the tune of 'daydream believer') "Cheer up David Beckham,Oh what can it mean,to a,sad English bastard,and a,SHITE football team".Notice the eloquent use of SHITE.

*The next morning,Bostons workforce return home and the local economy collapses cos everyones taken a sickie.

*Matchday arrives and STILL theres no let up in proceedings. Theres a moment of quiet for 2 hours while we fvck off to Foxboro stadium,but unfortunately its only the calm before the storm. *When the games over,normal service resumes in the bars etc,except for me......cos i'll be meeting up with some of YOU lot (partying/snorting/inhaling/highland flinging) until you cant take no more of me.

*The morning after the night before sees Bostons business community tip-toeing around hundreds of Scots and Irish sleeping in shop entries and park benches cos theres no accomodation left.But be advised,dont even think about robbing them.They might be the friendliest people on earth,but they'll cut yer goolies off with a can opener in their sleep.

*Divorce rates in Boston hit the roof.All the women have booked one way tickets across the atlantic. But dont worry lads,we'll send over some East German women for you.;)

Remember,you heard it here first:laugh:

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