sex jokes...

[dgmodel]

TOP 7 SEX JOKES

# 7 A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the

clerk a questiion. As he turns to go to the front desk, he

accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he

does his elbow goes into her breast.

They are both startled and he says, "Ma'am, if your

heart is as soft as your breast,I know you'll

forgive me." She replies, "if your penis is as hard as

your elbow, I'm in room 1221."

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# 6 A young man walks up and sits down at the bar.

"What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.

"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister", responded the

young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating

something?"Yeah, my first blow job." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir.

But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will!!!!"

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# 5 One night, as a couple lay down for bed,

the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and

starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and

says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynocologist

appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The

husband,rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.

A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps

his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear "Do

you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

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# 4 Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been

employed there for a number of years when he came

home one day to confess to his wife that he had a

terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into

the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should

see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated

that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome

the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later,

Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at

once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong,

Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you

how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the

pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did."

"My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No,

Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle

slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

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# 3 A man was visiting his wife in hospital where

she has been in a coma for several years. On this visit

he decides to rub her left breast instead of just

talking to her. On doing this she lets out a sigh. The

man runs out and tells the doctor who says this is a

good sign and suggests he should try rubbing her right

breast to see if there is any reaction. The man goes

in and rubs her right breast and this brings a moan.

From this, the doctor suggests that the man should

go in and try oral sex, saying he will wait outside as

it is a personal act and he doesn't want the man to

be embarrassed. The man goes in then comes out

about five minutes later, white as a sheet and tells the

doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asks what

happened to which the man replies: "She choked."

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# 2 A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by

his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns

to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll

open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals

inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one

minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove

my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this

spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd

murmured their approval. The man stood up on the

bar,dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in

the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth

as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man

grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard

on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and

the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks

were delivered. The man stood up again and made

another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing

to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a

while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A

woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to

promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

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# 1 There was this couple who had been married

for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table one

morning and the old gentleman said to his wife,

"Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years."

"Yeah," she replied, "Just think, fifty years ago

we were sitting here at this breakfast table together."

"I know", the old man said, "We were probably

sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago."

"Well", Granny snickered, "What do you say...

should we get naked?" Where upon the two stripped to

the buff and sat down at the table. "You know honey",

the little old lady breathlessly relied, "My nipples are as

hot for you today as they were fifty years ago."

"I wouldn't be surprised", replied Gramps. "One's

in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!!!!