Jump to content
Clubplanet Nightlife Community

Attention White Boarders

merks

By merks
in Boston

 Share

Recommended Posts

stymie Newbie

stymie

Posted
Posted

the mighty

AFRODITE'S

guide to

BUTT LOVIN'

by the Mighty Afrodite

In ancient times, everyone was doing it. The Romans liked it so much, they came up with a special verb, "pedicare," to describe it. (Conjugate THAT for your Catholic school Latin teacher!) It's still on the law books as illegal in some places in these United States. It's somewhat similar, but much more enjoyable, than the feeling you get every payday. Yes, Darlings, Halloween is right around the corner, the perfect time to explore your dark side and test the limits of conventional propriety. And I can't think of a better way than to introduce to you the joys of one of my favorites, anal sex.

What exactly is anal sex? Simple. It's the penetration of the anus, in the same manner as vaginal sex. Is it as much fun? It certainly can be. Is it icky? Some people think so. You might too, due largely in part to some misconceptions surrounding the practice of anal sex.

Here's where I begin to educate you, Darlings.

Anal sex is not just for gay men. Anybody can penetrate anybody if they have the right equipment, natural or strap-on. And anal sex is just as enjoyable, if not more so, for women as it is for men. There are a lot of nerve endings in that area, and an anal orgasm is actually very common. With proper preparation it can be just as hygenic as any other form of sex. Anal sex is not just for perverts (although it helps). All kidding aside, anybody who enjoys a healthy attitude towards sex can enjoy anal penetration. It's a great opportunity to indulge a predilection or curiosity for wickedness.

How?

Well, first off, The Boy Scouts of America said it perfectly: Be Prepared. (Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it?) First, prepare the ambiance. A lot of people, especially the penetratee, and more especially women, will be a little skittish. Anal sex has a very violent connotation to it, thanks to pedophiles and prisons. So create a romantic, exotic atmosphere. Incense, candles, soft fabrics, scented condoms, mood music (yes, Monty Python's "Lumberjack Song" counts) and sweet words can go a long way to soothing the nervous. Make sure your tushy tootsie understands that even though it might hurt a little at first, it can become a pleasurable sensation, and you will do everything in you're ability to avoid hurting them. Be sweet and go very slow. You may have to mention it a few times, and emphasis the intimacy of the act. On the same note, if the person penetrating is nervous, emphasize the close contact and cuddling. [You can tell this was written by a chick—the editor.]

Now, you must prepare the body. When your potential booty bunny finally consents, don't think you can just throw them down and ream to your heart's content. Explain to him/her that they need to make sure their system is reasonably clear. Ask them to eat lightly for two days before. Also, suggest an enema a few hours before. (A shower head can be used for the same effect, and if you have a more experienced, open-minded or enthusiastic partner, they may ask you to help.) If you plan a romantic dinner, either make it light fare or serve it afterwards.

Now we're ready to begin. But not with that! A very good way to open someone up to the experience both physically and emotionally, is to have gentle, familiar sex first. Go down on your partner first. If your playpal is a woman, have vaginal sex, very slowly and gently, first. Then start working your way around. You can manage it one of two ways. The first is you can prop your partner, on their side or on their stomach, on top of some fluffy pillows. This way is good, because you can reach under and play with your partner's clit/penis, and that will very much enhance the sensation. Or you can sit or lay on your back, and let them "sit" themselves onto you. This may actually work better for the first time, because it allows your partner to control the level and rate of penetration.

Start kissing your partner's neck, and shoulders while cuddling up behind them, or, if you're under them, hold them at the waist(they will appreciate the extra support) or hold their hands. Rub your cock (or ersatz cock) up against your sweetie's patootie, again gently and slowly. (Do you see a trend, here?) When you're ready to slip it in, make sure you're slippery. Never mind the sheets. In this case, especially if your partner is being penetrated for the first time, you can't use enough lubrication. If you use a condom (and you should!) use a water-based lubricant, such as Astroglide, available in many fine establishments, such as Toys in Babeland and Little Ricky's. Any sexually-related store will carry it, in fact. Your local Rite-Aid will not. And (yep, you guessed it): slowly and gently. You can always go faster and harder later.

As you no doubt can tell, this particular sexual practice doesn't quite lend it's self to spontaneity unless you keep yourself in a constant state of preparedness, which I don't suggest. (Too many enemas can cause infections, and let's face it, eventually you're going to want to eat the Swedish meatloaf.) But trust me, given the forbidden nature and perverted feel of it, what you give up in spontaneity you make up for in anticipation. Just knowing that you're waiting until later to do something unconventional and exotic is often the biggest turn on available. Once you've done it a few times, you and your partner can come up with all sorts of fantasies to add to the sensation. These fantasies can be as forbidden and filthy as you like, as long as everyone consents. Naughty school girl/boy, master/mistress, Ren/Stimpy, . . . ???. . . um, whatever does it for you. Remember, everyone's here to have fun.

So this Halloween, be what you're not. Put it on, or better yet, take it off.

Until I see you on the dark side, Darlings. Enjoy.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...