dgmodel Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.2) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.3) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty. 4) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. 5) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. 6) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.7) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Wembley Stadium.8) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.9) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.10)It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.11) Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.12) An electric fence powerful enough to kill a large dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.13) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.14) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.15) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German you need not speak the language. A German accent will do.16) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.17) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris. 18) You're very likely to survive any battle in any war - unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home. 19) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince in agony when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 20) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade- at any time of the year.21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 22) It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 23) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.24) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them. 25) Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 26) If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon. 27) Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets. 28) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 29) All single women have a cat. 30) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit upright and pant. 31) One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one. 32) Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cutting - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident. 33) When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish. 34) Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them35) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.36) Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste. 37) Whenever a natural or man-made disater is about to occur, the hero escapes (alive) nano second before its too late and is catupulted into the air by the force- but is never harmed 38) No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.39) If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity. 40) You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need one.41) All Americans have phones which can reach throughout the house-even if it has a cord. If its cordless- you can pick up perfect reception all around the house...unless there is a insane killer about42) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off. 43) Guns are like disposable razors - if you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one. 44) Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging. 45) Building ventilation ducts are always clean.46) Film stars are always super-human- they never need to use the bathroom47) Any computer, anywhere, even in the jungle, can hack into the most secure goverment system. 48) Any aliens from outer space that you meet will speak your language. 49) No matter how many times you punch someone they will always come back for more - and their wounds have healed dramtically the next day50) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.51) All handcuffs can easily be opened with nothing more than a paper clip.52) Grocery shopping bags are made out of brown paper and there is always enough shopping to fill two bags exactly.53) If you need to open a locked door make sure you have a credit card handy, that will do. Unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. 54) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition - even if you haven't been carrying any before now.55) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.56) Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.57) No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock. 58) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.59) Large loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people - whether they are employed or not. 60) At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil. 61) Should you decide to defuse a bomb don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one. 62) Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement. 63) If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22. 64) Even if you've been set up for murder, been framed and you have the whole world wide police force hunting you down, you will automatically live happliy ever after aslong as you break away from the police and kill the bad guy. 65) If you desire to send any car into flame for any given reason, just shoot it three times, even though in real life you could stand right infront of a vechile and shoot the gun into the gas tank, it wouldnt ignite the fuel, only 1 or 2 bullets in the world can cause a spark, and it seems every police man in movies who blow up vehicles have those bullets!66) Any woman who has just witnessed her father ,(brother, husband, fammily member ect) killed right there infront of her, will never be traumatised , morn, or be effected in anyway to resist making love to the hero who saved her!68) Why when the hero of the movie gets the girl at the end , it seems like they will live happily ever after, yet dosent even mention her name or remember her in sequals!69)You never need to look up the phone number for the pizza delivery service and the delivery guy is always psychic -you never need to tell him where you live or what you want on your pizza.70) After witnessing a horrible crime being committed- don't call the cops, instead conduct your own Private Eye investigation.71) People never burp, fart, or sneeze unless their in a comedy movie...72) When running through aiport security, a hostess at a restaurant, or anywhere thers a line or special clearance needed, the person yelling "sir" will stop after yelling it three times and youre then granted access to the area... 72) Single ppl in sketchy, axiety ridden situations wind up with a girlfriend by the end of the day...73) People never lock doors, only unlock...74) Everyone looks picture perfect upon waking up... 75) Average Joes perform well under stress, and drive even better when the passenger yells "GOOOOO~!" and slams their foot on top of theirs to accelarate the car...76) what have you learned from watching movies~!? 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SlickSlider Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 That list is classic, and hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elementx Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 Thats some funny shit... And oh so true. # 68 - Rocky kept his lady from beginning to end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 Thats some funny shit... And oh so true. # 68 - Rocky kept his lady from beginning to end. Not only that, but when she was in a coma she wasn't plugged into any life support devices, no IV syringes, breathing tubes, feeding tubes down her throat, and woke up perfectly coherent and looking like she'd just come from the beauty parlor. It doesn't happen that way. Been there, done that.Oh, you did mean Rocky Balboa, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elementx Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 Not only that, but when she was in a coma she wasn't plugged into any life support devices, no IV syringes, breathing tubes, feeding tubes down her throat, and woke up perfectly coherent and looking like she'd just come from the beauty parlor. It doesn't happen that way. Been there, done that.Oh, you did mean Rocky Balboa, right? LoL yeah... But I didn't even think about the hospital thing. Go figure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted October 24 Report Share Posted October 24 76) what have you learned from watching movies~!? If you're an elf in Middle Earth, you can fight all day and night and never run of arrows. Not from a movie, per se, but TV anyway:You can be a movie star and go on a 3 hour boat trip, get shipwrecked on an island, and afterwards never, ever run out of gowns and dresses and jewelry and sheik hair styles. You can also be a millionaire and simply for that fact, have endless supplies of wardrobes and luxeries that looks like you packed for a year rather than a 3 hour trip.And, you can be a fat skipper who spends every night head slapping his little buddy, rather than trying to score with the classy beyoch movie star or even sexier Daisy Duke forerunner. And, you can be a genuis scientist who can invent all kinds of atmospheric scanning devices and inventions, and still be too dim whitted to figure out how to patch a hole in a wooden hull to get off the island. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dgmodel Posted October 25 Author Report Share Posted October 25 every badguy must explain why hes doing something and how hes doing it before he attempts to kill his enemy... almost any problem could be solved by the end of the day... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HAZE Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 Why is the ground always wet but it never rains? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
funks0ul Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 lol this list is dope... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
christyne13 Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 Thx for the morning chuckle! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
crowina Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 "21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. "i noticed that it is not in a bag either...the bread is just sticking out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamsamurai Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 "21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. "i noticed that it is not in a bag either...the bread is just sticking out.yah lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deepspell Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 marko u ever think of doing standup bro? your fucking hysterical!!! :laugh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlickSlider Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 "21) All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. "i noticed that it is not in a bag either...the bread is just sticking out.That, and/or celerly. It's always celerly or the bread, so in case the viewer didn't get it, that it was a shopping bag of food. I noticed that the first time in 48 Hours when the escapee's girlfriend came home with a bag, and then I realized it in every other flick too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ladyshady Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 ...good shit marko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nycguy420 Posted October 25 Report Share Posted October 25 That list is hilarious!!!! Had me chuckling to myself all morning and afternoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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