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calebdead

Guys, I got fucking hammertime last night.

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For some reason I decided to go for a few 'after work' drinks with some losers from work. Of course, 'a few' turned into '15' Vodka and Red Bulls. The whole night is a fucking blur, but it was fucking bedlam to say the least.

At one point, I went up to some deaf people who were signing to each other and began signing with them. I actually know ASL because I took sign language for my foreign language requirement in school, and as I was asking them where the hot sluts are, in sign language, my cousin comes up to me and says, “bro, I didn’t know you spoke deaf." Yeah, he's a closet homosexual. Except, without the closet.

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My cousin was talking to this moose who probably weighed close to 200 lbs. She was fucking gross. Believe me, she looked like she had just lost a frantic battle with a 'Garden Claw' Now, keep in mind he was complete drunk out of his fucking mind. His eyes were starting to cross, and he was starting to sway back and forth. But I had to leave so I asked him if he wanted to stay and fuck her or come home with us...So he says 'I don’t know man, she’s kinda fat. What do you think I should do?'

At this point whatever I tell him to do, he’ll do…so of course I threw him under the bus. I said dude, you should TOTALLY go home with her. She’s not that fat. She has huge tits. Shit--I’d fuck her.' For extra emphasis my friend nodded in agreement.

So my cousin says 'Yeah she does have big tits, doesn’t she? I love big tits. OK, OK, I’m going with her. Thanks man…you’re a good friend.'

We walked out of there giggling like a couple of Japanese schoolgirls in a Hello Kitty store.

Good times.

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