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If Santa Answered His Mail Honestly....(MERRY XMAS CHUCKLES FROM ME TO YOU CNYC!!!)


Suhel

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Merry XMAS everybody!!!! lololol...

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben

> > a gud boy all yeer.

> >

> > Yer Frend,

> > BiLLy

> >

> > Dear Billy,

> >

> > Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in

> > lawn care. How about I

> > send you a freakin' book so you can learn to read

> > and write? I'm giving

> > your older brother the space ranger. At least HE

> > can spell!

> >

> > Santa

> > ______________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing

> > I ask for is peace And

> > joy in the world for everybody!

> >

> > Love,

> > Sarah

> >

> > Dear Sarah,

> >

> > Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't

> > they?

> >

> > Santa

> > __________________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas,

> > I'd like for my Mommy

> > and daddy to get back together. Please see what you

> > can do.

> >

> > Love,

> > Teddy

> >

> > Dear Teddy,

> >

> > Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a

> > screen door in a hurricane.

> > Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to

> > your frigid mom, who

> > rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that

> > dream. Let me get you

> > some nice Legos instead.

> >

> > Santa

> > __________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I.

> > Joes, a dog, a drum

> > kit, a pony and a tuba.

> >

> > Love,

> > Francis

> >

> > Dear Francis,

> >

> > Who in the hell names their kid "Francis" nowadays?

> > I bet you're gay.

> >

> > Santa

> > _________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I left milk and cookies for you under the tree,and I

> > left carrots for your

> > reindeer outside the back door.

> >

> > Love,

> > Susan

> >

> > Dear Susan,

> >

> > Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer

> > fart in my face when riding

> > in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me

> > a bottle of scotch.

> >

> > Santa

> > ___________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are

> > you busy making toys?

> >

> > Your Friend,

> > Thomas

> >

> > Dear Thomas,

> >

> > All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in

> > Vegas, where I spend most

> > of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind

> > by drinking myself silly

> > and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while

> > losing money at the

> > craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

> >

> > Santa

> > _____________________

> >

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really

> > know when we're awake, like

> > in the song?

> >

> > Love,

> > Jessica

> >

> > Dear Jessica,

> >

> > Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever

> > you do. I'm skipping

> > your house.

> >

> > Santa

> > _______________________

> > Dear Santa,

> >

> > I really really want a puppy this year. Please

> > please please PLEASE PLEASE

> > could I have one?

> >

> > Timmy

> >

> > Dear Timmy,

> >

> > That whiney-assed begging shit may work with your

> > folks, but that crap

> > doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater. . .

> > again.

> >

> > Santa

> > __________________

> >

> > Dearest Santa,

> >

> > We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get

> > into our home?

> >

> > Love,

> > Marky

> >

> > Dear Mark,

> >

> > First, stop calling yourself "Marky" that's why

> > you're getting your ass

> > whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a

> > house, you live in a

> > low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside

> > your pad just like all

> > the burglars do, through your bedroom window.

> >

> > Sweet Dreams Marky,

> > Santa

>

------------------

Upcoming Gigs...

Fri Dec 29th - Sequoia (South Street Seaport)

Sun Dec 31st - The Tribeca Rooftop

(www.tribec.com)

Email-DJSuhel@aol.com

AIM - DJSuhel

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