The difference between Liberals, Conservatives, and Southerners

[Guest slamminshaun]

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

Liberal response:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative response:

BANG!

Southern response:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....Reload... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

[Guest shannon_coolj.]

Things Republicans Believe

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

[Guest siuol_leahcim]

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

lol

[Guest jona7]

Things Republicans Believe

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and Big Money but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

well said.... 8)

[Guest shannon_coolj.]

8)

So true...

[Guest JMT]

THINGS YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE TO VOTE DEMOCRAT IN 2004:

IRAQ

Saddam Hussein possessed chemical and biological weapons when President Clinton attacked Iraq in 1998 but had quietly destroyed all his WMD without telling anyone by 2002.

George Bush could have captured Osama bin-Laden in 2001 if he simply sent all the troops now in Iraq into Afghanistan instead, but finding a legal basis to take bin-Laden into custody, when he was offered up by foreign governments, was too much of an obstacle for Clinton to overcome in 1996 or 1998.

The Iraqi people will never support a democracy and too many Iraqis are losing their lives while serving on their police force and in their army fighting the terrorists.

George Bush had to dupe and bribe the few nations fighting alongside American troops in Iraq but John Kerry will be able to get many more nations involved by his crafty diplomacy.

FOREIGN POLICY

The United States should never attack another country without first being attacked, unless that country posed an immediate threat to national security like Haiti, Bosnia, Sudan, and Kosovo did in the 1990s.

We need to be a part of the international community when confronting world problems but we should have gone it alone instead of bringing in Japan, China and Russia to confront North Korea about their nukes.

Clinton awarded sole source contracts to Haliburton to rebuild in Bosnia and Kosovo because they were the only company capable of doing the work, Bush awarded sole source contracts to Haliburton to rebuild in Iraq as a payback to Dick Cheney.

The current administration has turned it's back on the world yet is spending too much money on Foreign Aid, money which could be better spent at home

SOCIAL AGENDA

Judges who try to solve social problems from the bench should be considered mainstream moderates, judges who limit their decisions to what is actually written in the constitution are reactionary right-wingers.

Religious symbols should be banned from public view unless covered with dung or immersed in urine. In which case, their display needs to be subsidized by the federal government.

Parents need to give their underage daughter a permission slip to take an aspirin at school, but have no business knowing about a surgical procedure if it involves sexual reproduction.

Sex education in schools allows adolescents can make informed choices about sex, but gun education turns them into homicidal maniacs.

DOMESTIC POLICY

A 5.6% unemployment rate was a sure sign we had a great economy in 1996. A 5.4% unemployment rate in 2004 is a reason for concern.

George Bush has the worst economic record since Hoover and the best way to deal with the economy is to heavily tax corporations and capital formation, just like Herbert Hoover did when he was faced with a sluggish economy.

Minorities are incapable of getting into good colleges, succeeding in business, or deciding where their children should go to school without the omnipresent help and direction of the federal government and anyone who thinks differently is a racist.

The education system will only work when every teacher is paid more than the average teacher's salary. (think about it)

VIETNAM

Going to Vietnam is enough to qualify you to be President, but not enough to entitle you to speak publicly about your experiences in the Mekong Delta or the Hanoi Hilton.

If a soldier confesses just once to atrocities in a dirt cell, after enduring torture and sleep deprivation, he has betrayed his country but if he repeatedly says the same thing, in the media, and under oath before Congress, he is a true patriot.

George Bush is obviously hiding something about his military record because the Pentagon keeps finding additional documents and releasing them to the public. John Kerry has nothing to hide because his personal doctor wrote him a note.

John Kerry deserves more Purple Hearts than Bob Dole.

THE MEDIA

Consistently standing by your principles despite what the polls say is to be stubborn and ignorant, to continually change your views based on these polls is to be nuanced and enlightened.

If a decorated veteran contradicts John Kerry’s war accounts he is a partisan hack, if John Kerry contradicts his own statements, he is clarifying his story.

Anything Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity says about the election is biased and unreliable because they work for FOX News, but paid Democrat campaign advisors, Paul Begala and James Carville can be relied on for objective election analysis and information because they work for CNN.

Rush Limbaugh is a big fat bloated bigot and Michael Moore is a visionary genius with a slight glandular problem.

[MIRZA1414779019]

You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly' date=' a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

[b']Liberal response:

Well, that's not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?

What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?

Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative response:

BANG!

Southern response:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click....Reload... BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click

Do you sit at home all day thinking about these things?

[Guest slamminshaun]

No...haha...Someone emailed that to me. I am guilty of "copy and pasting". I won't stop until the day everyone agrees with meeeeeeee....

[Guest web_norah]

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

you can also add that "you can be a rockstar/ current president of the USA, commit a shitload of debauchery/ drug abuse/ alcoholism but as long as you convert and believe in Jesus...you're cool"

hypocrites.

[Guest JMT]

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

you can also add that "you can be a rockstar/ current president of the USA, commit a shitload of debauchery/ drug abuse/ alcoholism but as long as you convert and believe in Jesus...you're cool"

hypocrites.

everyone's a hypocrite, they dont only exist on one side.

dumb post of the day.

[Guest web_norah]

even dumber for replying to my "already" dumb post

thanks for playing and a morning laugh

*sits back and laughs*

[Guest JMT]

even dumber for replying to my "already" dumb post

thanks for playing and a morning laugh

*sits back and laughs*

you dont know how to laugh, no need to lie. i was going to try and be cool like you and type something between a set of **, but then i realized how incredible lame that was. best i could come up with:

*picks nose instead of wasting anymore time on norah*

[MIRZA1414779019]

No...haha...Someone emailed that to me. I am guilty of "copy and pasting". I won't stop until the day everyone agrees with meeeeeeee....

That my friend is the problem. What works for you may not work for me and vise versa. Why do conservatives think their way of thinking is the right way for everyone? Are you forgetting the true reason we live in this country so we don't all have to have the same values or practice the same religion?

[Guest slamminshaun]

No...haha...Someone emailed that to me. I am guilty of "copy and pasting". I won't stop until the day everyone agrees with meeeeeeee....

That my friend is the problem. What works for you may not work for me and vise versa. Why do conservatives think their way of thinking is the right way for everyone? Are you forgetting the true reason we live in this country so we don't all have to have the same values or practice the same religion?

You have to quit taking me so seriously. Of course there will never be a day where everyone agrees with me....what's the fun in that?

[MIRZA1414779019]

No...haha...Someone emailed that to me. I am guilty of "copy and pasting". I won't stop until the day everyone agrees with meeeeeeee....

That my friend is the problem. What works for you may not work for me and vise versa. Why do conservatives think their way of thinking is the right way for everyone? Are you forgetting the true reason we live in this country so we don't all have to have the same values or practice the same religion?

You have to quit taking me so seriously. Of course there will never be a day where everyone agrees with me....what's the fun in that?

but it's fun to bust your chops bro.

[Guest web_norah]

Shaun

i am tired and over your political threads

post some gossip or something funny

i dont want to hear about Limbaugh's greatest hits or Bush's road to recovery and success post drug addiction....get my drift?

thanks

Norah

try Gawker dot com instead of Fox News!

[ryan2772]

Religious symbols should be banned from public view unless covered with dung or immersed in urine. In which case, their display needs to be subsidized by the federal government.

what the fuck is that about??? :-\

[Guest web_norah]

Religious symbols should be banned from public view unless covered with dung or immersed in urine. In which case, their display needs to be subsidized by the federal government.

what the fuck is that about??? :-\

translation= noone cares about your religious affiliation you have so please dont display it in public view - or else.....

[Guest saintjohn]

Actually, Norah, it's a reference to this:

Piss Christ

(edited to change the image to a link in deference to anyone who might be offended)

[Guest slamminshaun]

Shaun

i am tired and over your political threads

post some gossip or something funny

i dont want to hear about Limbaugh's greatest hits or Bush's road to recovery and success post drug addiction....get my drift?

thanks

Norah

try Gawker dot com instead of Fox News!

Then don't click on them. I title my threads to match the post, so its not like you don't know what's inside before you click on it. Thing is.....you just can't resist.....

[Guest web_norah]

... but remember that without me, you and your equally intelligent conservative buddies will carry on -- all on your own

[Guest shannon_coolj.]

Exactly, Norah!

The conservatives would be bored and lonely if they didn't have the liberals to bicker with.