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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

*Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

*The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

*The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

*Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

*Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?

*Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?

*A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

*Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

*45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

*45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

*Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

*They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

*Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

*Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out sh e was pregnant?

*"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

*Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

*Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

*Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

*He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

*A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

*They named him "Sum Ting Wong.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

*A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

*They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

*A northern fairytale begins " Onceuponatime..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?

*Juan on Juan

What is a Yankee?

*The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?

*The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?

*Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

*Doughnuts?

Why is air a lot like sex?

*Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any

What do you call a smart blonde?

*A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?

*Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

*45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

*45 minutes.

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

*Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

*They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?

*Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

*After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

*The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

*Because they have cotton balls.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?

*A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out sh e was pregnant?

*"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

*Mace will do that to you.

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?

*Everyone has the same DNA.

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

*Breasts don't have eyes.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

*He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

*Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?

*A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?

*They named him "Sum Ting Wong.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?

*A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?

*They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?

*A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?

*Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?

*A northern fairytale begins " Onceuponatime..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?

*No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

That was great, are you a protege of Trancepriest, or an alter- ego.

Sincerely,

Bill Hicks (Another Dead Hero)

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That was great, are you a protege of Trancepriest, or an alter- ego.

Sincerely,

Bill Hicks (Another Dead Hero)

protege??? please do not be fooled by my few posts on this board..and no 'I hate everyone'

I keeed! ;D

just thought that some 'easy' reading material would be a change from the regular conversation in some of these threads.

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