Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket — water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.______________________not George Carlin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest rollyp66 Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Awesome! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LeVeL Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Classic!New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress, next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy.New Rule: Only because you grew facial hair in your face doesn't mean you can grow a goatee and actually sport it in public.New Rule: If your woman and your overweight, it doesn't give you the right to wear a tight nightgown or low-rise jeans in public, that’s disgusting please put this cow back in its barn.New Rule: If you got drunk this weekend and we already knew that your intentions were to get drunk, then why the hell do you have to tell us how drunk you got, when we already knew that those were your intentions in the first place. Please do us a favor and just don’t tell us, we don’t have to know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Classic!New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress' date=' next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy.[/quote']That's why I let people ask me to get their photo taken. Minimizes incidents like these. And if they're stupid enough to fuck around in a club and ask me for a photo? Well they kind of have it coming. Though I'm a nice guy and will take an image down for a friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LeVeL Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 That's why I let people ask me to get their photo taken. Minimizes incidents like these. And if they're stupid enough to fuck around in a club and ask me for a photo? Well they kind of have it coming. Though I'm a nice guy and will take an image down for a friend.Yeah a buddy of mine got caught this past weekend @ Crobar but the pic was not taken by you if was a photographer for another website. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Some websites are less than discrete about that. Sucks though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest web_norah Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 ^^^add to that, they still dont know how to use a digital camera and people appear distorted and weird looking on their website.hints anyone? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Miss_Digital Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place. yeah i hate it when people give ages in months Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Chica Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 A friend of mine caught her boyfriend with another girl on a club website.... they (guys) are stupid after all : Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 My sig used to be something to the effect of "if you don't want random people to know what you're up to, don't do it in front of random people..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Miss_Digital Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 A friend of mine caught her boyfriend with another girl on a club website.... they (guys) are stupid after all : yup... me ex would lie to me about being some where ... then forget he lied... slip up lol Caught Red Handed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 I'm faithful...for that specific moment in time anyhow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LeVeL Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 yup... me ex would lie to me about being some where ... then forget he lied... slip up lol Caught Red Handed He must of been a reject...because most of us are faithful ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest slamminshaun Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Classic!New Rule: Don’t let club photographers take pictures of you with your mistress, next thing you know it will be all over the internet with a label saying dont date this guy.That's why I let people ask me to get their photo taken. Minimizes incidents like these. And if they're stupid enough to fuck around in a club and ask me for a photo? Well they kind of have it coming. Though I'm a nice guy and will take an image down for a friend. :-X Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pod Posted January 13 Report Share Posted January 13 Yeah if someone i know asks, I'll do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryan2772 Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 BILL MAHER FOR PRESIDENT ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrzyC1414779017 Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 Great post, Pod!!!! ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Miss_Digital Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 yup... me ex would lie to me about being some where ... then forget he lied... slip up lol Caught Red Handed He must of been a reject...because most of us are faithful ;D thats why its time for NEeeeeeeeeeXXXXXTTTTTT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JustBeFABOLOUS9 Posted January 14 Report Share Posted January 14 POD that was greaaatttt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Cosmigonon Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 Classic!New Rule: If you got drunk this weekend and we already knew that your intentions were to get drunk' date=' then why the hell do you have to tell us how drunk you got, when we already knew that those were your intentions in the first place. Please do us a favor and just don’t tell us, we don’t have to know. [/quote']Amen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ClubDiva05 Posted January 15 Report Share Posted January 15 Though I'm a nice guy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jamu Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.______________________not George Carlin.Classic!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest saintjohn Posted January 16 Report Share Posted January 16 New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.When I saw this photo, the first two questions popped into my mind are:1. Is the witch dead?2. Are the fries done?The four-character phrase (circled in red) on this young man's left forearm is the literal translation that means "the sound of ding-dong".http://www.hanzismatter.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest web_norah Posted January 18 Report Share Posted January 18 Dan you're too much dude.i love that Chinese tattoo comment, well done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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