happykittn Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 First of all... I DID NOT WRITE THIS. Got it in an e-mail, and thought it might help a few of you out... personally, I prefer the traditional means of entry... but whatever floats your boat, yes?"HOW TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO TAKE IT IN THE BUTTWe need to start by analyzing the nature of the problem. Let's begin with a little sex-ed and a basic look at female anatomy. Women's bodies are very pretty to look at but have a few rather unfortunate design problems. Without making a laundry list, we'll just cover the topics we're concerned with most here... the vagina and clitoris. The inside of the vagina is almost totally without feeling because very few nerve endings are there. Stick your finger in your mouth and move it around... feel like you're going to cum any time soon? Same deal with the vagina. That's why we don't enjoy tampons or pelvic exams. Now if we had to go for a yearly clitoris exam, it would be a different story... but unfortunately, we don't. The clitoris is, to all intents and purposes, a miniature penis. TREAT IT ACCORDINGLY. It has a foreskin (in this case called the hood) and erectile tissue. Want someone to give you a hand job with a sheet of sandpaper? No? Then don't touch a clit with your dry, coarse hands. Put some lube on your hands first. But I digress.So we have this little shaft that make us very happy placed right smack dab above our vagina. Perfect location, you say? It would be, but it's just about half an inch too high to touch a man's penis. A sick joke on someones part... I think this makes a strong case that God is not a women. So anyway, this tends leave me with a handsome stud-muffin eagerly pounding me into the bed and, despite all the effort he puts into it, accomplishing very little. The statistic I believe is about 70% of women have never had an orgasm. This sucks. Imagine I walked up to you in a bar and told you that I wanted: you to take me home and show me exactly what you think I'm good for, but the condition was... you couldn't have an orgasm. Kinda puts a damper on things, huh? Perhaps now you see why women aren't usually quite as eager as men to hop in the sack?So a good starting point to get the girlfriend more interested in sex is to make sure that each and every time you do it she has an orgasm. You can use your hand or your mouth and achieve this result given enough time. Unfortunately, time is an aroused man's worst enemy so you'd like to get the job done with all due haste. In comes every girl's best friend, gift from the gods, THE HITACHI MAGIC WAND. This is, bar none, the best vibrator ever made. This will bring any women worthy of the name to a shuddering orgasm within 10 minutes. Got a girlfriend? Buy one. So now you have the means at your disposal to give her a great orgasm every time you have sex. Needless to say, this whole sex thing is going to be significantly more interesting to her if she gets to have an orgasm every time. Now here's where we get a little evil. What if you didn't give her an orgasm every time? What if you only did it sometimes? Maybe every time you played with her butt a little? Ah, it all becomes clear. Getting the anus used to intrusion takes time; this will buy you the time and an eager partner. "Misplace" (read, hide) the vibrator so it doesn't get used for non-anal activities.Get an assortment of SMALL dildos. The smallest should be about the size of your thumb the largest just slightly larger then your penis. They should be completely smooth, not the veined or ribbed kind and not with the realistic head. Just a smooth torpedo. Only show her the small one, you'll scare her off otherwise. Get some good water based lube, I recommend WET. Insertion should only be done once she has been vibrating for a minute or two. You want the association of something going in her butt to be a positive one (you manipulative bastard you). It should be put in while she lies on her side, her knees slightly pulled up towards her chest. Lube the butt and the vibrator WELL and have some paper towels handy for clean up. Put it in slow, and NO DEEPER then three or four inches. Make sure you give her lots of encouragement... "oh wow, that looks so hot" etc. Just hold it there until she orgasms, don't move it in and out or anything. Repeat this twice a week until she can take the one that's slightly larger then you. Once she's got that one in let her get the first orgasm then ask if she'd like another. Mention that this vibrator is actually smaller then you and ask if you could try "you know" Say "you know", not "fuck your ass" - we're trying not to scare her off. Put a condom on and have her assume the same position, her on her side but go behind her so that you spooning. Put your arms around her so that you're nice lovely dovey. You should whisper sweet things in her ear and nibble her earlobes. Really go out of your way to show how much you love her and give her a good time. We want her to think anal sex is the best thing since sliced bread. Then once you've obtained her permission lubricate your penis, remove and put aside the dildo and try to SLOWLY put it in. You have to be VERY HARD or it won't work. The condom should smooth the way. No more then four inches in. Move very slowly in and out, about an inch or so. DO NOT TRY TO CUM!!!!! If you start banging away at her butt, you WILL hurt her and you will NEVER get within a mile of that cute little asshole agian. Women have sex without cumming all the time, you can do it once. Go whack off later, it'll be worth the wait. The point here is to get her used to having you in her and associate it with having an orgasm. Plenty of enthusiastic approval, "you're so hot," "I love the way your ass feels," "this is the best," etc. Make sure she knows what a great time you're having. Next time do the same thing but once you put it in you can actually do it. Just be very careful with the depth. So there you go, you're screwing her butt.Some of you nice guys out there are going to have a problem with this. It IS a little manipulative. But let's look at it objectively, including the end result. She enjoys sex more and gets great orgasms. You enjoy sex more and get to do it more often. She knows that your not going to cheat or screw around because how many women are going to let you bang their butts like she does? It's a devious means to a good end."Good luck, boys... ------------------The purpose of life? To die young as late as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dreamtemple Posted January 28 Report Share Posted January 28 This has had me in stitches!Classic. And I've printed it off to show every bloke I know. I think they'd want to see it!Oh.... and the bit about dry hands/sandpaper etc... so very painfully true!------------------Stay Twisted Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happykittn Posted January 28 Author Report Share Posted January 28 dreamtemple ~ I did the same... they all loved it!! The part about the Hitachi Magic Wand is ohhhhhhhhhhh so true, too... ------------------The purpose of life? To die young as late as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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